If any trans women here have been admitted to a psychiatric ward, I'm looking for advice/experiences. My main concerns are the following:

• Losing access to DIY HRT
• Inability to shave, or is I can shave, having to be watched while doing it
• Being strip searched
• Transphobia from other patients and staff
• Food

Context - I live in a blue part of Washington State, fairly progressive, and I'm working with my therapist to get a personal recommendation for a facility (she mostly treats LGBTQ+ patients, so I'll be asking specifically about that).

I currently take Estradiol Cypionate by injection, once per week as monotherapy. I've used a tool to estimate my E levels, and I've determined I could likely go 14 days before things get bad (below 100pg/mL), but obviously that would not be an ideal experience for me hormonally. I just tested my levels last week and my E came back significantly higher than I expected (could maybe go longer than 14 days), and my T levels were incredibly low (16ng/dL). So much so that I was planning to reduce my dosage this week, though I think I'll wait to reduce until after my stay in case it lasts longer than I expect. I am almost 100% not going to be able to get them to administer my DIY hormones to me, but if anyone else has had this experience, please comment. I think I've rationalized it enough that I wouldn't be devastated if I were denied access (or more accurately, when I am), assuming my stay isn't longer than 2 weeks. I'm worried that they'll see them and throw them away instead of just locking then up, which would be a big problem because shipping would take about 2 weeks and I don't even have the money for it right now.

However, I am quite concerned about shaving. Since I'll be a voluntary admission, I've heard there's sometimes leniency for supervised face shaving, but I'm also worried about being able to shave my body. Granted, I'll be wearing clothes that cover up all my skin, but the feeling of being unshaven is incredibly dysphoric for me. I could live with it, except for genital hair. I unfortunately have extremely sensitive skin, and I'm pre-op, so if I don't shave for a few days, I will get intense chaffing and irritation, which is the most dysphoric thing I have ever felt in my life. I would be in genuinely severe mental distress having to live like that. But even if I were granted some exception to let me shave there...I'd have to be supervised. And I'm having a really hard time trying to mentally prepare myself for someone watching me shave naked. Especially because I don't know if I'll be allowed to ask that it be a woman that supervises. I've been told it varies wildly from place to place for strip searches, and I assume it would be the same case here.

And then...there's being strip searched. Again, no idea if I can decide if a man or a woman watches me strip and reveal every square inch of myself, which is horrifying. I would feel mildly less mortified if my genitals matched my gender identity, but...I'm not there yet.

The fear of experiencing persistent transphobia while I'm there is also incredibly present for me, especially given that I'm nowhere close to passing. This will be my first time publicly presenting femininely but I think it's what's best for my mental health because it's exhausting having to hide myself in person when I have been open online for almost a year now, and on HRT for 5 months as of today. The only thing holding me back has been living with transphobic parents with a long history of abuse. There are two angles to the transphobia fear. The first is that there may be other patients admitted who are transphobic, and in severely deteriorated mental states, and the second is that staff could be transphobic, and they hold an immense power over me as a patient. Both are terrifying to me, and I don't know how I would deal with it.

And perhaps something more inconsequential is food. I have a milk allergy, so I'd need that to be accommodated, and I'm also autistic so I have a lot of food triggers. I'm worried about not being able to eat enough, to be honest.

None of these things are going to prevent me from admitting myself, I know I need help right now, and I need serious intervention to be able to recover and to keep myself safe...from myself. I'm not going to get into the details because that isn't what this post is about, I've just been having some anxieties about what it's going to be like, and the chances of me leaving the hospital severely traumatized.

If any of you have been through it, what has it been like for you? Any advice?

It seems like, that the longer I am aware of me being trans I keep unlocking new forms of Dysphoria. I never really had any problems with my deadname, but now it does hurt a little bit when hearing it from other people, because im not officially out to them. Today I also realised that apparently I know hate seeing hairs on my arms, which was never a problem before. Hearing my voice also gets progressively worse. What the fuck is this? Why cant I not feel shittier as time goes on. I am on my way to transition, my body could decide to not make my life shit in the process.

I picked up a crowdfunding flyer for the movie at pride last weekend, so I had to check out the manga as well. It's four poignant short stories featuring trans girls at various stages of their transitions. The author is of course trans and the characters are spot on. The physical presentation of the book is very nice too, on thick paper with a pink, white and blue glitter on the cover.

Apparently the stories have been around on the net for a little while, so maybe there is an English translation out there somewhere?

Anyway, ¥1815 well spent. I recommend it if you read Japanese and can get hold of a copy.

Hi! I'm not yet transitioning because transphobia and I'm scared, but I'm doing small steps and growing my hair and I got small bangs, by recommendation from trans women on social media, and this is first time I was able to look at myself and see androgynous /fem person and it makes me happy, unfortunately others don't see me such but I'm at the beginning of my self discovery. Honestly I feel happy, hope you are having great day 🩷🩷 Honestly, what do y'all think about me, am I ugly? Will I look beautiful after transition?

I have been trying every evening for the last few days to get a good tuck for an hour or two, but no matter what I do, my balls pop out of place in short order. I tried doubling up on panties and that was decent, but things still wouldn't sit still, and now I have a gaff I've been practicing with. With panties, it feels like they're just not putting enough pressure to keep my sack in place and keep my balls up, and with the gaff, but also to a lesser degree my panties, the crotch is so narrow, my sack will inevitably hang out one or both sides enough that a ball can pop out and hang out in there instead. I haven't tried tape yet because I have done 0 hair removal because I'd rather get that area done professionally at least for the first time, and shaving has always resulted in a red, irritated mess, down below, or on my face. I don't know if I just have a particularly large and fleshy sack that refuses to be contained or what, but if you have any tricks you use, I'll try anything right now.

Here are some basic facts:

• method was penile inversion
• I opted for full-depth rather than a vulvoplasty
• surgery took 3 hours, though recovery took another hour
• I went under general anaesthesia and had to be intubated and put on a ventilator
• I'm currently admitted in the hospital and bed bound, discharge is scheduled for Friday
• so far pain is between 1 and 3 for me, most of the time it's between a 0 and 1.

Ask me anything!

I'm an average AMAB person: 32yrs old, 180lbs, 5'9" and I carry a lot of my weight in my belly. It gives me a lot of dysphoria and I stress over my belly fat a lot. I definitely don't have a super healthy relationship with my weight.

Last year, I didn't drink for the majority of the year. I took about 10 months off from alcohol, but I didn't lose any weight. I was also going to the gym ~3 times a week. I believe in CICO and so I believe I must have been eating more as well. But my body fat distribution didn't change at all. I moved away from my gym and so I couldn't keep going and then I lost motivation.

For context, when I was younger I weight-lifted a lot. I wasn't the biggest person in the gym, but my PR for bench was 305lb, deadlift 455lbs, and squat 365lb and I weighed 198lbs. I learned a lot of positive and negative associations with weight and diet. Weight lifting was all about eating as much protein as possible. Now I want to lose weight, but I've built this body to be big. I wish I never went to the gym. I used to hover around 155lbs and my body's "set point" never fluctuated until I started focusing heavily on working out and eating as much as I could handle. Now I can't seem to lose the weight. And it's basically just fat. Not much functional muscle left.

Fast forward to today and I'm starting HRT soon. But I'm super worried that my body fat distribution isn't going to change since I've read that fat cells can have "memory". I'm basically excited to start my journey in every way except I feel so dysphoric about my body shape. I hate this "beer belly".

What should I do about this? Can anyone help me with this? I fear the simple answer is that I just need to focus more heavily on diet and exercise, but I'm so demotivated by my experience last year. With no gym nearby (< 35 minutes away) and - frankly - a superb desire to eat, I can't believe in my ability to achieve my goals.

I just wish I could start over and be skinny - then gain weight on my HRT to hopefully gain hips and boobs. What's the advice you'd give me? Sorry if this post is toxic. I realize I don't have a healthy mindset about this. I'm trying to accept myself, but I also want to be able to wear woman's clothing and feel like a woman.

Is there a community here that's more appropriate for trans/queer folks to ask and answer more personal and intimate questions? If not would y'all like one created?

We created a new community for all Trans and Queer people to ask and answer more personal and intimate questions! Hope this helps!

!tquad@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Hey yall, names Evelyn!

Ive been having a rough time lately; i WAS a federal civil servant in my dream job, that I thought id have for the next 20 years. Then I got DOGE'd. As a result, I have to sell my new house, and move back with my mom. 5000 miles away.

Anywho, Ive been struggling through the bottom surgery process, getting letters and whatnot. I've turned in the necessary docs and should get my date within the next week. That being said, I've found what could be called a... lump, on my testicle.

I have been urged by reddit to consult with a doctor and have it inspected, but quite frankly, if a cancer diagnosis delayed my bottom surgery, I would kill myself. Flat out, period.

My life in general is shit. I have intense self loathing. I've lost everything because of the trump administration. Im ugly. Hideous and masculine. This, right now, is the only thing I have going for me.

Sorry for the vent. I guess I have to put this out there before I schedule my physical. I just feel like I've got no one to talk to, including my therapist.

Cheers.

it like - hurts. like it usually jus hurts wheb crying. bt kinda constantly..,..

it hurts n feels awful n makes me look down a lot so peeps dun see it,...,...,,,...

i cnt.,.,, i cnt do dis,,.

UPDATEUPDATE :o

by sad i dun mean im sad (im jus down is all) bt i mean im sad cuz of evil throat!!,.,.,. yis, the throat is the evil! n im sads becuz if it bein so evil n hurtin su bad.

I know that it's an awful and homophobic slur but it made me feel weirdly validated to be called a slur that's usually only used on women (lesbians). I don't know, it's weird. Part of me is upset that they called me a homophobic slur but a part of me is also euphoric for being referred to, even indirectly as a woman. Does anyone else relate to this experience?

(By the way I'm a transfem lesbian.)

As the title says, what are your usual ways to deal with acute phases of dysphoria. For me its currently either going to sleep, weed, or trying to do something different so I dont feel like a complete piece of shit and just feel shit a little bit instead.

I had my epiphany moment about 2 weeks ago, and that lead me to explore any resources I could find to help me determine if I was actually trans or just conforming with my friend group, which has an abundance of trans girls. I've considered the question of my gender dozens of times over the years, and always came to the conclusion that I was a man, and I was happy with that, but in retrospect, I was probably just telling myself that because I wasn't "allowed" to be trans because it would take attention and support from my trans friends. The experiences I read here, and especially the link to the gender dysphoria bible let me finally identify what I had been feeling was wrong my whole 31 years of life without knowing what was wrong, like the guy from spongebob who's just standing there on fire. Since then I figured out I am a woman, and because of that I was able to come out to that friend group, I'm sharing clothes with my wife, using a new name and she/her pronouns, I shaved my denial beard, and I've been able to cry. So. Much. Crying. As a man, in almost 10 years since my wife and I started dating, she saw me cry 3, maybe 4 times, but I have been a goddamn wreck since I started questioning because of all the gender euphoria and worry for my wife, who I am forcing to question her sexuality. She previously identified as bi, but felt more and more straight because she only felt attraction to me, but she has started fantasizing about how I'll physically be in the future and is getting more turned on than usual, so the scared tears are over for now and we are still very much in love. It has been an intense, insane, exciting, terrifying, and validating 2 weeks, and without the information from all of you, I would still be in limbo and more confused than ever, so thank you all so much for existing in this community and sharing what info and experiences you can! 💕

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/30659090

Hi everyone,

I hope it’s okay to post here again. I’ve been reaching out because the situation my trans sisters and I are facing is becoming more desperate by the day. I’m very mindful not to come across as pushy or as if I’m harassing this community I just don’t know where else to turn.

We are still stranded in Gorom, South Sudan, after being chased out of the refugee camp by the government. We have no shelter and are struggling to survive there is no food, no medical care, and no safety. We are sleeping outside, exposed to violence, fear, and the elements. Being visibly trans in this environment puts us in constant danger.

We are asking for any kind of help whether it’s direct support, sharing our situation, or advice on organizations that might assist us. We are simply trying to stay alive and protect one another.

I’m grateful for the kindness and strength in this community. Even just being seen and heard here gives me a little more hope.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

I'm curious about people's experience on silicone breast forms. I've been using them for a long time now, and they work well for me, but I find that they are all a tad bit too firm for my liking, they lack a bit of that natural jiggle. What has your experience been, and can you recommend any brands that might have a bit more of a natural feel to them?

Hey y'all, this is a bit of a personal rant and maybe a space for other people to share their experiences in the comments. I'm just looking for some advice on how to make the wait for bottom surgery more bearable.

Mine is probably about 6-8 months away, though I don't have an exact surgery date yet. There are some days where it's really fine and I don't even notice my parts down there but then there are others where it's unbearable to even get out of bed. Sometimes I just want to cut the damn thing off myself, I feel like I can't bear to lug it around for even one more day.

I know that I'm a woman (ish) no matter my genitals but it just pisses me off so much that I'll forever be an experiment for people (especially men) when I try dating as long as I don't have a vulva. That I can't go to women's changing rooms without having a complete breakdown (I did it once and have avoided them since in the last 1.5 years). That I can't go swimming in the same clothes all my friends can. That I can't enjoy buying nice underwear because it always looks so horribly wrong. That I feel it every second of every day, that I always have to cover it up when I wear tight bottoms, that I always have to worry and think about it. I hate it, I really do. Every time I touch it, it feels more like a tumor or some kind of demon that has manifested in my body. My bottom dysphoria has become worse and worse the better everything else gets. You win some, you lose some, I guess. All in all, life has gotten significantly better in the last two years for me. I feel like I still have the same amount of dysphoria as I did before starting HRT, only now it's concentrated more on this part of my body.

Okay, rant over, haha. Hope to hear some of your experiences and what helped you through the wait.

We survived the deadline but we are not safe.

Yesterday, May 23rd, was the government’s deadline for all LGBTQ+ refugees to leave the settlement. We are still here, stranded, frightened, and uncertain of what will happen next. We’ve heard nothing yet, but officials made it clear: when they act, the UNHCR will not be there to protect us.

We are living in constant fear, unsure of our fate. Some of us are trembling, crying quietly in corners, praying for help, hoping someone out there still cares.

We found a small place in Juba city a landlord agreed to rent it for $1,500 USD for 3 months. It could be a safe temporary shelter for us. But so far, we’ve only raised $265.

Please, I beg you share our story, remind others, speak our names. We’re not just refugees. We are humans, trans, queer, and trying to survive another day. The clock is still ticking.

We need your support now more than ever. Link to the fundraiser

https://gofund.me/bd40a4f9

I've been doing some voice training by reading to my mum from a book (Cornelia Funke's "Drachenreiter" in German) and I've recorded me while reading 2 chapters each in these recordings:

https://files.catbox.moe/u4kpop.mp3

https://files.catbox.moe/j0iejo.mp3

I just wanted some feedback from people who don't know me personally on how it sounds. If it sounds feminine or if you have some tips on how to improve maybe.

We have searched the internet and looked in a lot of places in it, however, we cannot find any non marketing or general information about them and since we would like to get bottom surgery, it would be very useful info to have.

So we were wondering what they are like, from hopefully people who have actually had the surgery or know somebody who has.

What are the various surgeries results, either penile inversion, ppt, or suporn etc?

Now obviously clitorises of them do not function exactly the same as endogynous ones since they do not extend all the way inside, but is there a hood that they expand out of, and what is the feeling like just in general and when touched?

Do any methods apart from ppt and the other one where they put anal tissue in have lube occur naturally? If so how does this occur?

Does the inside of any of the methods feel like endogynous vaginas over time or does it feel like flat skin or whatever no matter how much time there has been?

Does anybody have any pictures of what they look like? Not asking for anything personal or porny, just, we have never found any pictures online except for surgery pictures and thus are not sure what the various methods might look like after (without all the blood and stitches etc) and since we plan to get bottom surgery in the future knowing the various results visually would help a lot to help us decide which to go for and probably ease our anxiety.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully answering these questions.

They stayed up late putting in edits that bans Medicaid from covering gender affirming care even for adults now. They said they were going to. It may be voted on in the house Thursday, May 22nd. Trump is pushing this massive spending bill to be passed ASAP.

The House needs to vote on it, it succeed, it go to the Senate, they vote and it and it succeed there, then the president accepts it, for it to become law.

Republicans hold majorities in both the House and Senate.

They will likely try to pass through the filibuster in the Senate with Budget Reconciliation so as to not require 60 votes, and therefore just a simple majority. That has its own rules though.

Edit: This morning the house voted for and passed the bill. Off to the Senate it goes. This is where everything happens.

My name is Cyara Kaira, and I am a transgender woman seeking safety in South Sudan. I never imagined I’d have to beg for my life like this, but today, I have no other choice.

I am currently living in a refugee settlement, but I’ve just been told I must leave within 10 days not because I did anything wrong, but simply because I am queer. The government held a meeting and announced that all LGBTQ+ people must leave the camp. Those of us who remain after Saturday will be forcibly evicted or imprisoned.

I am heartbroken. I am terrified. I have already suffered so much from rejection, from violence, from being treated like I don’t belong anywhere. And now, once again, I am being pushed out with nowhere to go.

I want to live. I want to be safe. But I have no home to go to. I am trying to reach Juba city, where I hope to find temporary shelter, but even there, life is dangerous especially for someone like me. If I end up on the streets, I don’t know what will happen to me. I fear I will be harmed or even killed.

Please, I’m asking from the depths of my heart:( Help me find a safe place to stay before Saturday. Help me survive this. Help me hold onto hope.

Your donation could save my life. Even a small amount can help me find shelter, food, and safety in these critical next days.

Please donate. Please share. Please stand with me. https://gofund.me/bd40a4f9

Things I should bring, or shouldn't bring?

What I should do before and after, or not do?

What are your experiences and sage advice (or just gripes or personal experiences you want to share)?

EDIT:

Related previous posts:

• Home after bottom surgery
• Week and a half post op. The realization still hasn't kicked in.

When I decided to finally begin medical transition, I agonized over where to even begin. I had a post here about finding medical professionals, and I did finally find somewhere that seemed like a good fit for me! Opened somewhat recently; a local university and teaching hospital started a "pride clinic" that was supposed to be a safe space for people who needed care that may have needs outside of the realm hetero-normative and cis-gendered people. The staff is (as far as I can tell) all part of the LGBTQIA+ community, or at least allies. I like going to this clinic because I don't just feel tolerated; I feel welcome!

I started HRT a few months ago. I was excited for estradiol no matter what form it came in, but they went with their organization's "standard of care" that was spironolactone and estradiol oral tablets, and some finasteride thrown in because, well, I'm old enough for hair loss to be a thing. I asked them if we could discuss injection monotherapy, and got a reply of "Sure, after your 3 month blood work". Two months in, I had to have a second set of labs done because the anti-androgens were wreaking havoc. Dizziness, fainting, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and several other issues. While I was generally happier and able to actually feel and express all the emotions that I couldn't before, the mood swings were so strong and so spikey that even my spouse was commenting on them. I was also frustrated with the lack of any physical changes to speak of, out side of maybe my scent changing for the better.

I started to pester the clinic to change my mode of therapy. After seeing a cardiologist who actually agreed with my concerns, I finally had my teaching appointment for estradiol valerate recently. I am in such a better place now! I have no mood swings, though I still get to keep my range of emotions. There is less random dizziness and no fainting. The best part is that there are physical changes coming along with the rest within a week of starting the injections. The litany of medications I took every day are gone, and the only thing that remains is a small shot once a week.

I'm celebrating a bit here, but I'm also recalling all of this to tell you that if you need something from a doctor, remind them that it's your healthcare you're looking after. Take an active role in it, including reading up on the benefits and drawbacks of what you're after and why. Sometimes you need to be your own advocate. I also want to point out that I'm still going to the same clinic. They're wonderful people providing great care in an environment that I have yet to find anywhere else! But, they're doing the job for so many patients that they sometimes just have to follow the guide book. Your care is for you, so make it personal