I am so sorry, but I need to vent, and the only person I manage to talk to has disappeared with no notice (probably just overwhelmed with life stuff but I hope they're okay. I'm worried.) I may end up deleting this, idk. Any comments and niceness would be appreciated because I'm alone and scared and in too much pain and it's too much!!!

I am in overwhelming pain. My chronic intractable pain has been so much worse lately. Probably at least partially due to stress because everything is fucked. I can't afford my next pain medicine refill, and I'm nearly out, and the friend that disappeared usually helps me cover it. I'm disabled and can't work and have literally no money. So I'm just fucked. Even WITH the meds, I've been struggling to handle the pain and it's scary. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive without any kind of pain control. Not to mention the withdrawal. I am scared. I am scared I am going to get overstimulated and overwhelmed from the pain that I go all stereotypical autistic meltdown and shutdown and bash my fists into my head and hurt myself, and I feel ashamed and weak that I can't just deal with it like a normal person. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed and in pain and anxious I'm dealing with dissociation, depersonalization, derealization way more often than usual. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to survive. I don't know. I'm fucking scared, I can't take this pain. I'm sorry for whining and being weak especially when so many have it so much worse than me. I don't even know if this makes sense. I can't think 'cause I'm in too much fucking pain!!!! I am scared and I am so fucked AAAAAAAAAAAA.