It's basically bean dip, what's not to love?

Solution: play through two mirrors

You win a free trip to the Hague

Have you tried giving it a handjob?

pan to tax preparation companies taking turns sucking off Uncle Sam

I never thought I'd die this way, but I always hoped

Look again, it actually says Dempster

Who the fuck has time for three girlfriends?

In the 2000s women were straight up having orgasms in shampoo commercials.

I remember I used to be subscribed to a mailing list for a programming language. A friend of the lead developer set the mailing list up for them at his university, and then went off and did his own thing. It was completely unmoderated. Some kid sent a "neat little proggy" his friend Dieter wrote. If the extent of my Internet usage wasn't limited to free email through Juno, my entire hard drive probably would have gotten deleted that day lol

unzip; strip; touch; finger; grep; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; fsck; umount; clean; sleep