All Carers Are Bastards?

Spent ages in the queue and had tickets in my basket but I just couldn't face £350 per ticket. Fuck Oasis, I don't believe for a second that they were unaware of their own ticket prices. How can they complain against touts and scalping when that's exactly what happened here.

No bro one time I was talking about buying protein shakes with my bro and then THE VERY NEXT DAY I saw an ad for protein shakes after watching Joe Rogan on the weightlifting subreddit.

You expect me to believe this is coincidence?!?!?!?!?!

One time I had an ex ask me for some obscure cable that I happened to have. We went over to my cable drawer and as I pulled it out she said "Why do you have this drawer of random cables?"

FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE BECCA YOU BITCH

Every time I see this guy, I chuckle at the fact he needs a stage name to sound working class because "Stephen Yaxley-Lennon" is definitely a person who shops at Waitrose

Pretty funny that when I was younger it made sense that Lisa could be president because she's really smart. In reality, Bart probably has the better chance. I feel a "im14andthisisdeep" post brewing...

Interesting that this is "Livin the dream". It happened at my friend's workplace and the leading theory is that he did some diddling and is escaping the repercussions. Guess it's a fine line...

I joined some bullshit conspiracy group on Telegram once. It was full of the usual right wing tripe, but one of the common things they complained about was the "globohomo" agenda. I loved this term. I can just picture GLOBOHOMO INDUSTRIES with an evil lair full of sexy buff henchmen trying to turn the moon into a rainbow or something.

I said "gen zed" the other day and everybody frowned and said "Don't you mean gen zee?". NO I FUCKING DON'T. Still fighting the good fight in pronouncing schedule with a soft sh but I think I'm in a small minority these days. I've given up trying to call it an aubergine emoji, we may as well accept it's an eggplant now 🍆

This excuse would be plausible except for one thing. You claim to have a direct line to a supreme being who tells you right from wrong. You think they'd drop a hint about not shagging kids.

In particular she used a private jet for a 13 minute journey