Applicable Carlin quotes:

"If you're pre-born, you're fine. If you're preschool, your fucked."

"Conservatives like live babies because they grow up to be dead soldiers."

And finally "You ever notice how these 'pro-life' dicks are people you'd never wanna fuck in the first place?!"

"We're so pro-life we'll fucking KILL YOU to prove it!"

"I love the uneducated!"

Between this story and the Alex Jones story, I'm beginning to think judges should also... well, i can't say what i think should happen and not violate ToS...

Pelosi isn't a cunt. Something something depth and warmth. She's below a cunt; she's a cankle.

People with gimmicks are tiring. Just go ask daddy for a hug and leave us out of it.

In a comment full of shit takes, i just wanna point out that you think the government teaching media literacy in school is the solution?

I hope you wear a helmet regularly.

Did Putin tell Moscow Mitch to say that? Was it Monsanto? Or, did he have his own thought for once?

Add in hysterical, blood-vessel-throbbing shrieks at the person in front, and you've just described my mom's driving. It's terrifying to ride anywhere with her.

I used to work in a pizza place, and the head cook was from Mexico working on his citizenship. He helped me with my Spanish, and I'd help him with his English. One day, we discovered that jokes was a good way to discover any loss in translations, so jokes became our preferred method of conversation.

One day he said he's got a great joke, but he's not sure if it'll work in English, so he's asks to tell me if it works. I tell him to hit me. The joke:

A guy and his girlfriend have been together long enough to move in with each other. Being a new(ish) couple, they're still pretty frisky. Every time they're finished and basking in the after glow, she plays with his junk, just gently kneading the balls in their sack. After a few months, he asks her why does she always play with his balls afterwards. She looks him dead in the eye with a Mona Lisa smile, gently kisses his lips and whispers in his ear "because i miss mine."

He asked if the joke works in English. When i quit laughing, i said it does. That was 2006, and it's still one of my favorite jokes to this day.

I agree completely, but your comment begs the question: can you supply a picture of Trump that isn't? He always looks like mummified foreskin wearing a cotton candy toupee to me.

He also let everyone believe he was just gonna run for one term. Then, when election season comes around, when asked if he was gonna step aside and that most Americans would like him to not run, his response?

"Watch me."

Fuck you, Jack. FUCK. YOU.