I love telling this story, but I'll warn beforehand it's explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he'd never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn't pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said "no homo" when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

As an American, it was also my breakfast for years.

I don't miss smoking, but sometimes I do genuinely miss smoking, if that makes sense. Especially with coffee or tea. :/

It is pronounced Captain BOUQUET!

I would go with something along the lines of: "it's called responsibility, Friend. I have my own finances to consider, and I am not responsible for the bookkeeping of this establishment. There is no drink minimum. Let the bar's business be theirs, mine be mine, and yours be your own."

This is hilarious, but is there supposed to be sound?

At least one!

Wishful thinking.

Good. Because it's fucking delicious and I don't care what the internet says. We all loved it in the 90s, and nothing has changed. It's still delicious, we just do less coke now.

I mean, I could understand liberal tears. Liberal blood. Liberal sweat, at a stretch. But liberal cum? That just sounds like you're offering to blow Joe Biden.

... is Charlie brown threatening to euthanize snoopy‽

Decided to make fried chicken. We rarely ever eat fried foods, and so I don't have fancy things like deep fryers. What I had was a large cast aluminum pot.

Filled it about half way with oil, made amazing delicious fried chicken.

I also don't have a stop top. Use a single eye burner. Needed the burner for something else, so sat the pot on the counter next to the sink.

Moved wrong, knocked the pot into the sink. Boiling oil goes down the drain.

Know what's at the bottom of the drain? A trap full of water.

Water met boiling oil as I matrix dodged our of the way and a geysey worthy of yellow stone came flying out of the sink, both sides, shooting boiling oil and steam everywhere. Covering the ceiling, the walls, the floor. Even the dog got hit (thank God for long, thick fur!). I had splatter burns on my legs, which was the only part of me not under the counter when it landed. It came up with so much force it threw the pot out of the sink.

You need to also actively harm society and be a blight on the human race.