Learn to wrap your burritos you suckface food noob.

This is only a problem if you can't roll a burrito...

When someone says their burritos won't stay shut I immediately know that they don't know what they're doing.

Is this a common problem? I've almost never had a burrito fall apart on me unless it outright rips--I once made the mistake of ordering a burrito in Scotland, and that was pretty formless, but it was also less a burrito and more an embarrassment hiding under an ill-fitting tortilla.

Pan-sear your burritos shut.

I like to crisp up my burrito in a pan after I roll it. if you brown the side with the opening first then the juices trying to escape soften up the tortilla enough to get cooked together. It's like welding a burrito shut.

I feel like nori would work, no?

Why not use a small piece of Nori (the salty Sushi seaweed) and moisten it up with water and use that?

I did this for years

On this episode of redundant inventions that already have a better solution...

"Edible" does not mean "good".

It’s called not using a cold ass tortilla

Uhhhhh, fuck no. Some children invented this shit back in 1999. It was on Figure it Out. How fucking dare you.

I remember an episode of figure it out on nickelodeon a long time ago that was exactly this.

YouTube

1. have good technique
2. really big tortillas
3. you can wrap it in foil

Call me up when they invent edible zippers.

a properly constructed burrito is wrapped in aluminum foil and can be eaten, even while walking, without making a mess.

edible tape sounds like something with useful applications, but i am sad for the people who believe burritos require this.

Who the fuck doesn't know how to hold a burrito?

Thank-fucking-science, it's about time

Yeah, but now I can't open it up to make sure that no one cummed in my burrito...

If your burrito doesn't stay closed, the person making your burrito had no idea what the hell they were doing. This is a Chipotle problem.

That's not a burrito, that's a clutch purse. Learn how to roll a burrito.

Corporate food has created unholy tasteless dry abominations called "tortillas". They have convinced Americans that this is what tortillas are. They have played us for absolute fools.

Real tortillas are freshly made wet dough immediately squished and cooked before forming burrito. They are delicious and sticky enough to hold on their own. It's perfect but not mass producible.