You should still take some time for yourself. Always putting others' needs before yours will burn you out.
This is not "others". This is his son.
Unless he is Jesus, father and son are separate people :)
Harry Chapin My child arrived just the other day He came to the world in the usual way But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay He learned to walk while I was away And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it And as he grew, he'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin' home, Dad?" "I don't know when But we'll get together then You know we'll have a good time then"
My son turned ten just the other day He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, c'mon let's play Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today I got a lot to do", he said, "That's okay" And he, he walked away but his smile Never dimmed and said "I'm gonna be like him, yeah You know I'm gonna be like him"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin' home, Dad? "I don't know when But we'll get together then You know we'll have a good time then"
Well, he came from college just the other day So much like a man, I just had to say "Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?" He shook his head, and he said with a smile "What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys" "See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin' home, son?" "I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad You know we'll have a good time then"
I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind" He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time" "You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu" "But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad It's been sure nice talkin' to you"
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me He'd grown up just like me My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin' home, son? "I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad We're gonna have a good time then"
Written by: Harry F. Chapin, Marc Christian Gernert, Sandy Chapin, Andy Love
Album: Verities & Balderdash (US Release)
Released: 1974
My first thought, too :)
Not necessarily. I'm in my twenties, still asking, not planning on stopping any time soon.
I envy that relationship. My dad doesn't even know my religious or political beliefs, let alone sharing a hobby. It's not like we don't talk, he just hears what he wants to hear, and he doesn't want to hear anything where I know more than him (including my hobbies and my field)
I lost my dad in my 30s and I still want to ask him to build stuff with me. My 6 year old would have loved to too, so I’m trying to take better care of myself than my dad did, so we have a lot longer together.
I felt that way last night with my youngest who really wanted to read with me. We did and it was worth it
Cute but I can't say I'd make that same move tbh. Kids are smart and can tell you're upset just as much as you can tell they are. Granted I'm not a parent but I think I would have asked for 5-10 minutes so I could calm down and then make solid plans to play Lego as soon as I was done instead of forcing myself to play and then possibly getting frustrated at the kid just being a kid
I am a parent, and... that's not how this works.
Your kid doesn't hear "I need a few minutes to deal with my human feelings," they hear "daddy is mad and doesn't want to play with me." They don't have the emotional intelligence yet to understand that you're a person, not just the mythic figure of parent that they see.
This is why the trope of daddy taking a minute alone on the toilet is A Thing.
On the upside, you'd be surprised how often you can destress precisely by being a kid with your kid, playing Legos and cuddling. Being a dad is hard, but it's awesome.
Those 5-10 minutes will cause most kids to move on to something else.
You're getting downvoted unfairly here. Yes, it's the "right" choice to maximize the time with your kids when you can as those moments will go by faster than we think they will, but it's also not the wrong choice to make sure you take care of yourself. Every parent is going to make their own decisions, and nobody's "doing it wrong" as long as the child is reasonably happy and healthy (to the extent uncontrollable forces allow). We're all just getting along here.
I hope you never plan on having kids. Kids come first, if you can’t put them before yourself and deal with your shit on your own time you’re only hurting them.
How would you feel if the person who’s watching them decided they couldn’t because they needed 10 minutes? It’s only acceptable for you since it’s your kid? Shit take.
There's a wide distance between supervising a young child responsibly (which obviously must be done at all times) and engaging in play (which you should do when you can and you'll be glad you did, but if you just don't have it in you, it's not a crime to sit quietly for a few minutes).
If you were paying someone to take care of your kid, you would be perfectly fine with them saying no when the kid asks to do something?
Parenting is a 24/7 job. You need to take your breaks while on the clock because you're never off the clock. Paying someone for childcare services is a job with a start and end time. You can take your breaks before or after. The expectations are different because the jobs are different.
I don't think that's really comparable, a parent isn't being paid, a babysitter can choose not to babysit. And besides, it really depends on what the kid's asking to do. I've definitely been told I can't do things when I was being babysat.
I can say that I have frequently gone through this very situation with my kids, where I’ve had to tell myself that I won’t be able to have this kind of time forever. And it’s not that I actually didn’t want to do it — I wanted to do be around my kid and see them be their wonderful self. I almost always would come away with something they did that brought me joy. It’s just that with young kids, there’s so much stuff to deal with all the time, you always wish you had a bit more time purely for yourself.
But it’s sort of like when you go on a big vacation, and you venture out and fill every day with activities and adventure. Maybe some mornings you feel like just watching TV at the hotel after so many days of activities, but you power through it because there are things you still want to do, and this vacation will be over before you know it.
My boy is almost 18 months.
I'm SO tired.
But it's glorious.
You won't remember that age, before you know it Take it in!
I got my first dog last year and this is me. Video games can wait cos my lil boy isn't going to be around forever 😭
this post hurt me inside. Good Job.
How does playing with Lego not constitute down time?
Monitoring and fostering a child's emotions and development via play is mentally taxing. Playing Legos, although fun, isn't exactly downtime.
ok but... lego
Doesn't matter what you do. It's still taxing.
You sound like you've never been an adult having to watch a child (offspring or not)
My thought exactly. Unless his mood was so bad he just felt like vegetating for a few hours.
Idk, probably just wanted a little alone time. Sometimes I need to be alone to decompress.
I’d give anything for more of those moments. My son is 21 now and barely acknowledges me anymore. I hope he comes around and it’s just a phase but I have my doubts. So good call on playing legos. You have a limited number of those as a dad.
I bet he ended the Lego session in a better mood than had he done what he thought he needed to do.
You always have a choice. Sorry to hear OP had a kid and it's making him compromise his own health. 😢
I'm not looking forward to the day my friend's daughter doesn't want to do things with me anymore.
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