Lately I've been feeling rather lonely. It's probably at least in part because I've had far too much time on my hands and not enough to do with that time, partly because I've been sick for the last few days and isolating and had to cancel some plans, and partly because I've been reading up a bit more about the aro experience. Oh and maybe a dash of watching my nesting partners relationship with her two wives slowly degrade in real time.

I know I'm loved. There's no shortage of people who find me interesting and compassionate and a lovely person, but very few of these people want more than a basic friendship and that feels rather isolating. It also doesn't help that I am often reminded of how little I truly understand other humans and how they approach relationships, attraction, etc. I want a deeper connection with someone, someone to build something together with, someone who I know will be there for me in the ways I'm there for others but as time goes on it just seems like more and more like a fantasy. I feel like I'm often just treated like a helpful tool that's well liked but never anyone's first choice.

On the other hand I know in ways I'm catastrophizing and things really aren't all that bad, I'm living a healthy life in a beautiful city surrounded by people I love and I have healthy relationships. I just wish I could be content with what I have because the search for something more is so exhausting at times.

I just got glasses! And Mexican foods! Yaaaywheeeee! wigglespins happily and see-ily!!
Apparently everycritter must know! does a goofy lil dance, shares noms :3

The final chapter of the university group project: I went on strike last week, which forced the two lazy people to realise they had better do some work. As a result, the project was completed in time, and the teacher was actually very impressed with it. Apparently it's the best production he's seen in the last five years, and so it's going to be entered into a few competitions. The other team's project, which was nice but unambitious, was not deemed competition-worthy. My extensive logs of the process, particularly of one team member's laziness, arrogance, and wilful obstruction of the project, have been submitted, as has my evaluation of each team member (a project requirement). Two positive, one neutral, one civil but strongly negative. I happen to know one of the other hard workers on the team was much harsher than I on the guy who obstructed the project.

And my cat didn't make it. That was actually more than a week ago, but it's been painful. I miss her. She was still young and should have had many more years of life, and people saying things like "I'm sorry" and "you did your best" just make me angry.

Had a job interview today, so a mix of excitement and anxiety. Even on a good day, I can’t go without a heavy dose of anxiety 😄

so busy, i just want to be left alone. when can i breathe?

We managed to declutter two big rooms; now we can finally walk!

There was a box with memories dating back to '87! People were crafty. That gave me the idea to make pop-up cards as gifts for xmas, though I've never made one.

My brakes started making a horrible BBBRRAAAHH sound so I had to be brave and call my mechanic today. Luckily I can bring it in to get fixed tomorrow but it's so stressful dealing with car stuff. I'm babysitting my nephews and Wednesday and my parents are coming into town on Thursday evening so that's fun/stressful. My quiet routines are quite disrupted this week.

Pretty good, I hope everyone else is doing good as well!

i had coffee with a (newish) friend of mine last week. we've only met a handful of times because scheduling in your 30s is impossible, i guess?

had my first (dog) agility lesson since october. unfortunately my older dog hurt his paw, so only the younger one could go. the good news is that the younger one did really well! i think, now that she's a bit past three years old, her puppy brain is finally turning into an adult dog brain.

we saw the boy and the heron on saturday, and it is so, so good. i'm already itching to rewatch it when it becomes available digitally since i feel like i missed a lot of little details.

i spent saturday night house sitting for two big cuddly dogs (pictured below).

My week has had it's ups and downs. The down is that I'm still sick and can barely sleep due to coughing every fifteen minutes. The major up though is that the company I interviewed for two weeks ago called and told me they'd like me to come on board with them, which I'm excited for.

Still depressed honestly. Don’t know what to do after high school — the world seems so placid and unreal. I feel out of myself… and also I’ve been fighting the urge to get high again so yeah, kinda hard!

its fine!! thanks for asking!! happy holidays :D

Cleaning house which is good. Selling old smartphones is turning out out to be a pain. Got my windows desktop turned into kubuntu! Overall been pretty happy with it

also trying out mastodon again, will see how that goes

Great, that date I had the Friday before last looks like it's gonna turn into at least a short term relationship, very possibly a long term one. Kinda terrified but excited at the same time since it's my first ever, but it looks like I'm in good hands with this girl when it comes to her guiding me intitially.

Every day gets brighter. I've got an exam coming up that will probably decide whether I stay in school to finish my Bachelor's or drop out to double-down on my newfound career in IT. I'm honestly pretty tired of studying for a degree that seems meaningless given my current career trajectory, but sunk cost fallacy has me too invested to just quit. ~~Plus I really don't want to have that conversation with my academic advisor.~~

@alyaza I'm busy with stuff and trying to get some proper sleep in the process. The thing I am the happiest about is that trams started running on my street again after months of being suspended for some pipe works. I finally have a more convenient way of getting to and from work without spending so much time in traffic again.

I am also due to clean up my house, but I never get time for that. I did manage to go through my agenda in my good old Yahoo Mail and clean up there. I wanted to do away with Davx5 on my phone since I have no account to my phone address book with apart from Google and the recently re-discovered GeneralSync, and because I previously removed my Yahoo! account from there (it was just not syncing anymore), but I tried logging in again and it somehow works. Cleanup is not entirely done yet, however.

Apart from that, we organized a "Secret Santa" at work, and now I finally have a nice pair of gloves that can be used with a touch screen. Yayy for technology, I guess. 😁

Late for presents preparation as usual. A piece a broken glass punctured my bicycle tire today, hopefully I wasn't far from home. Day job is good. I can't complain much.

finished my last final yesterday, so it’s all smooth sailing from here on to January! excited to kick back, hang out with some friends, and try to enjoy the holidays. also happy i finally have time to game- been looking at baldurs gate and slay the spire, but i didn’t want that kind of distraction during my term :)

My back pain is returning. It woke me up at 5am, so I'm having an early day today. On the plus side, that meant a nice sunrise breakfast with the wifey. Overall I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for, but the state of the world and especially the thought of election day 2024 makes me feel uneasy. I try not to think about it.

I've been living with my best friend and his partner as roommates for two years. Recently my partner and I have been looking at houses. I really like my friend, it would be so nice if they contributed around the house, which they only do if the task is scoped, explained to them, and the tools provided. I wish the metafilter emotional labor post was assigned reading in school

Another date update, I'm going out with her a second time tomorrow for some drinks at a cafe and looking around a CEX. Looking forward to it a lot again, can't wait to kiss her again, I feel so childish when it comes to this stuff despite almost being 21.

Well my week is now going shit, girl I was dating told me she isn't interested in me romantically, we can still be friends maybe if I can get over her, but fuck it hurts so much for something so little.

It's been a good week except for the whole covid thing. It lasted only 2 days, but left me with a nasty cough. I'm gonna go visit my sister down south next tuesday; I'm really looking forward to that. I'm hoping this will give me ample opportunity to think, breathe and decide on the next steps of my life. I also tried out a new gym, which is closer to my house, last thursday. Going to a new gym is always a stress for me cause I never really know if it's just going to be a bunch of "bros", if you get my gist. Nothing ever happened, but loud people can make me anxious. To my surprise, it was mostly empty with the exception of some dudes here and there. I've also started listening to all the albums, I've been ignoring this year to compile my best of 2023 list.

I've been a bit depressed, as usual, but it was mostly manageable. It seems that my overall mood is a little bit more stable even though I have pretty harsh weeks at times such as last week...

I encounter people here and there who are victims of rightwing propaganda, and they'll spout out some things that I know are probably wrong but I don't have any specific knowledge about so I can't say much. So I look it up when I get the chance but it's way past the conversation so it's too late to say anything. I'm not sure how to deal with these situations, any thoughts?