Obviously depends on the person, but I would love that question. Straight to the point, trying to understand where I'm at. I can and will appreciate that.
Maybe that's the neurospicy part of me. I can absolutely see why someone wouldn't like that.
neurospicy
outstanding
:D adopted new terminology
Exactly: I'm more than happy to either give you emotional support or brainstorm a solution.
Just tell me which one, because the two things don't overlap at all.
TBF giving appliances an angry slap is often both an emotional and technical solution.
Thanks for the heads up man, I'll try with my girlfriend
Do not perform percussive maintenance on your SO.
Ok then, I'll just set my tools mode to "drilling"
Doesn’t that depend on the wishes of said SO? 😏🚨
Yeah same. It is weird because I'm never quite sure what mode my wife is in. And she never knows what mode I'm in.
Usually I'm the one in feelings mode because I usually solve the problem myself so if the problem is still there I tried and failed and am now emotional.
I will have to try this.
Yea this is good partner behavior as I’ve been taught. Jumping straight to problem solving can be dismissive. It’s talking past where your partner is at rather than meeting them where they are
Actually thinking about this for a second I’m an idiot. What’s the solution stage for “my burrito exploded?” Pick it up ho?
Why is everyone discussing this as if humour is nonexistent?
I don't know what it is but Lemmy sometimes feel extra special in that sort of way
ND people exist and appreciate straight talk. It’s not always smooth sailing
Two people are discussing the idea of the question tangentially.
Isn't shawarma supposed to fall apart?
..am I shawarma??
Brah if I sent this to my wife she'd tell me not to be a smart ass
I am bad with feelings in a medical way so when someone comes to me to complain I always try finding a solution.
This video ruined my day and will probably upset me every time I remember it for the rest of my life.
I hope you're happy.
Truly, I hope you have a nice day, sharing is caring.
I understand that the whole "do you want a solution or to just talk about it" is well intentioned, but even if what I want is the latter now that you've asked me that I would feel worse for just trying to bring it up to talk about it. It's hard to justify I guess, but the statement feels condescending when you are in that socially vulnerable position.
Edit: I have attempted to explain this further below, but again, it can be hard for me to understand why I feel a certain way and I don't understand how others can easily.
Just out of curiosity, what does the perfect reply look like in the above scenario
Since even asking is an issue, my suggestion is to be a divination wizard with specilization in mind reading
Having dated crazy, the answer I was told was that as their soul mate I should understand them perfectly and cater to their every whim instinctively and without discussion.
Which is a lot to ask for after 3 months of dating.
Something tells me there isn't a perfect answer doe that person. "Someone asked me how they can support me, so now I don't want help because that seems condescending" sounds like the kind of thing you get from someone who says they're fine, but isn't, and they're mad you don't already know why they're not fine.
My experienced dating a socially anxious person is that there is no perfect response, anything you say needs exclusion qualifiers and follow-up for reassurance purposes. Love her tho.
I'd go with a "Oh no, but I'm sure it will still be delicious!"
But what if she was looking for practical shawarma reassembly advice?
An "emotion phase" mindset tends to expect you to know about their state and reacts badly if you don't join them there.
A "solution focused" mindset can easily talk and not react badly about a misjudgement on your part.
So if you want to be safe, then your opening line should always presume the other person is in the emotional phase. The response will tell you if you're right. And if you're not right then the other person is in a position to negotiate without being upset about it.
This is such a good question that it’s kind of blowing my mind.
First off, it’s actually a shit message to only include “my shawarma fell apart” with no other context. There’s not even punctuation! Like, give me some textual non-verbals I can pick up on.
Second, this is so typical of neuro-normies: send a message with no social cues and somehow expect the recipient to ace the response.
So what’s the ideal response? I dunno. I’d probably reply with something like “I know, right?! My butthole is so itchy right now. Could this day be any worse?”
FYI that's definitely a you thing.
Some people jump to problem solving immediately when they find out about a problem. Others will sit and contemplate how they are feeling about a problem.
This text sounds like a compromise that has been worked out because she was getting frustrated that he just jumps into problem solving when all she wants to hear is affirmation of her feelings. He's still got work to do, but he's clearly trying.
Source: this is exactly a conversation my wife and I had
socially vulnerable position.
If shawarma falling apart makes you socially vulnerable maybe you should be seeing a therapist.
Let's keep in mind the context and the relative severity of the situation here.
...now that you've asked me that I would feel worse for just trying to bring it up to talk about it
Why would you feel worse? If that's what you need, just ask. There's no point in hiding your feelings from the people you want to spend time with, unless you want to create unnecessary misunderstandings.
Well the alternative is to guess someone's emotional state through text which will seem insensitive. At least the former will get an answer.
I have friends that know to clarify for me. They'll just drop in "I'm just venting" or say they're not looking for a solution.
I think you're unintentionally reading/framing this in the condescending key. The way you rephrased it it does sound condescending, but in the screenshot it's mostly just silly and caring. You might be too on guard here
Nice post but guys can you tell me how is the shawarma? And what is. I only ever seen on the avenger post credit scene.
A shawarma is very similar to a gyro, both are wrapped in a pita like bread (although I don't think the shawarma bread is called pita). A shawarma tends to have spicier ingredients compared to a gyro, and originates from the Middle East.
I don't think the shawarma bread is called pita
Technically, any method of serving meat from a vertical rotisserie is a shawarma. The bread is typically pita bread, but you can use laffa or tombik bread instead if you want
There is also the shawarma plate.... Said meat plus sides like rice, hummus, babaganoush(sp?), falafel, etc.
🤔 I know what we're having for lunch today...
That is a very beautiful and useful way of articulating that. Thanks for sharing this, I have a new tool in my belt now.
What's this "trying"? Looks pretty supportive to me!
Yeah I always pinpoint the problem and offer a solution. Which is probably why I'm twice divorced
This is the way.
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