I had some "friends" that ended up being two of the most toxic people I've ever known. They intentionally try and learn dirt on other people in the group to soak drama. They were also new swingers and they were constantly trying to sleep with everyone in the friend group by initiating in the creepiest way not taking no easily as an answer.

I had a "friend" who turned out to be a super aggressive bully any time he didn't get his way. I worked with the guy and he got super hostile and weird at work when I couldn't solve an IT problem for him. No apology, ever. He just kept doubling down.

I have more stories but learning that you don't have to put up with everyone is an amazing tool in your social toolbox that no one teaches you.

Some examples/experiences:

• they enabled the rape of another dear friend of mine by being a passive bystander
• they wouldn't stop using the n-word
• they voted for a political party with roots in Hitler's SS
• they slept with my girlfriend multiple times
• they took advantage of me sexually
• they were transphobic
• they were racist
• they stopped contacting me and/or responding to my messages

These are all different people. I'm sure there are more people that I have dropped for other reasons too. The ones that were hard to drop were the ones that I loved, either platonically or romantically. The ones that were easy to drop - and who coincidentally also had values that I could not stand by - I probably wasn't very close to.

They're heavy, my hands are slick with sweat, and my grip on the edge of the cliff is failing. They tell me that it's okay to let them go and save myself before twisting their wrist out from between my fingers and all I can do is watch in horror as they plummet into the darkness.

Mine is pretty simple. If you do something with the intention of harming someone else (self-defense excepted), I will not be your friend.

If you are the aggressive, proud, vengeful or petty type, I’m not going to wait for me to do something that you find justifiable to use that same energy against me. If they did it to someone else, they’re capable of doing it to me.

Dropping people has always been hard for me. Somebody could shit all over me, and I'd forgive them and invite them to do it again the next day.

I don't often talk with my best longest friends, but we always just pick up where we left off, even if it's been years since we connected.

It has to be something that permanently changes the way I view them to an extent that I find intolerable. Some acts, while bad, might not always be that surprising considering who they're coming from. Then the question is rather to myself as to why they are my friend in the first place and whether the trade-off is worth it.

Lost one because he had multiple allegations of SA surface against him. Not a hard decision.

I had a kid I met when I was homeless for a while. He was a regular fixture in my life and a ton of fun to be around. But about 5 years later he had his wife and a girlfriend pregnant at the same time. He already had two children with the wife (and when the first one came along when they were dating I had told him "Don't get her pregnant"), couldn't hold a steady job, possibly had other iligitimate children, and was living in a crappy nasty motel but he had a game console (can't remember if it was a PS3 or Xbox 360) and a TV to game on so he didn't care.

I told him I couldn't have that in my life anymore, every time something went wrong he would do something stupid. Last I heard the girlfriend was going to move back to get family in Florida, he ended up going who knows where for a while then ended up back in town for a little bit around the time I was moving away. The wife had family there so is likely still in town. I kinda Facebook stalked him a couple months ago (through my other half as I don't actually use Facebook) and found he is likely living in Georgia and working for a traveling carnival.

He was probably the last person I knew and called a friend. It's been a little over 15 years.

Great question, Toasticus@piefed.social.

I don't have any friends at the moment and have not for a long time because I find most people aren't interested in friendship at all; they are interested in passing the time and think friends are a form of entertainment. At best, romance and family are the only things that matter to them. Friends are disposable.

Or, if they are interested in friendship, it is after a perilous courtship period with no guarantee at the end.

I would caution you about this, though:

If you just push someone away all of the time and leave them in dormancy where their mind tends to wander into places it shouldn’t [...]

Your friends are not responsible for where your mind goes. You can fault them for not being supportive, sure, but your mind is 100% your responsibility, and if you can't find friends to help you, try to figure something else out.

I’ve lost touch with people over the years, but the only person I’ve considered a friend that I actually dropped stole a phone from my younger sibling. I got it back and didn’t talk to them ever again.