"Psychopaths no longer exist. Only people with fully-developed frontal lobes exist."
Immediately followed by everyone from the former category drops dead, and no new ones will ever be born.
I'd say "You have all disappointed me."
Hello World.
"Why do we have to suck like this? Can't we just stop the bullshit and realize who our real enemies are?"
bound to be misunderstood, the message is way too vague
THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS!..
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.
On a very full breath, I can do the "badger badger badger badger bager badger badger badger mushroom mushroom" like barely 3 times. So I would get that out like 18 times. My hope would be to cause a worlwide earworm with that terrible song.
It's either I do that, or cause a worldwide rickroll without the backing track. See how far I can go.
So you're not gonna go for baby shark?
Maybe if it was before it blew up and became what it is now. I remember when it was just a dumb camp song, similar to the moose who likes to drink his apple juice. Glad that hasn't surfaced much in relevancy.
Edit:
Turns out the version of that moose song I remember is a different version of the song...
The song is about drinking a lot of juice, but the version we had replaced it with apple juice for some reason.
“Alright, we can kill it. Do we want to roll back the save or start over?”
I would be humming John Lennon's imagine and hope people would recognize it at some point and look up the lyrics in their native language.
Like some out of touch douchebags during covid
Isn't that the song where he asks people to imagine a world where Indigenous religions have been completely wiped out and frames it as a good thing?
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
It is! Well, it's easy for racists to imagine everyone living in harmony when cultural differences have been destroyed. That's the Arthur Phillip special.
Some people understand peace, some people only understand war, so if you want to bring an understanding of peace to everyone... Guess it's time to get killing!
Or, maybe, there's another way; a way to find nothing to kill or die for.
You can't take religion away from people without violence. Depriving people of their culture and religion is a form of genocide.
Change da world. My final message. Goodbye.
I would just filibuster by reading off as many random Wikipedia articles about random chemicals as I can
“Be well. Things are tough, you have as much a reason to be tired and frustrated as everyone, and should let the storms and knots and voids within go, lest they consume you too. When you have more strength and are rested, admire the beauty of this world. Do the things you wanted to do, things you wanted to try, places you wanted to visit. Be friendly and honest and compassionate even if others aren’t with you. Light births more light. Share yours. And remember to rest again, when you start feeling tired. Love and care for those around you. Tell them you care. It’s not always obvious. Dare. Be you. Show your light, and let your shadows show too to let them go. Be well. I will try my best to do the same, so let’s do it together.”
People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.
There's no point acting all surprised about it. The plans and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri for over 50 of your Earth years. If you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout.
I don't see why you're acting so supised, the plans have been on display at your local galactic planning office for 300 years.
WARNING: INCOMING GAME
Wait, is this a Reboot referrence in 2026 or am I too cartoon brained?
Glitch, make another reference so they know they're among friends.
I'm not sure I could get it out in 6 breaths but I'd try to read a great little piece:
"The Pale Blue Dot of Earth.
Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.
Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
— Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
If you want to hear this moving quote in Carl Sagan's own voice (I recommend it):
"This is God. Quit it with the killing each other and ruining the environment I made for you.
Don't make me come down there."
Mormons: See! God speaks English! It means only our book is correct!
"You have been chosen. Tell no one. The false idol must be killed."
Then just watch the chaos unfold.
This is the kinda evil shit I came to the comments for. Well done.
Side note: nobody let this person gain any form of power
I feel like it wouldn't be long until people learned they all heard the same thing.
Possibly, but there's also more then a billion English speakers, so we'd definitely see some shit before then.
"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!," etc.
List of a random string of numbers in a monotone voice, have people go insane trying to figure out it means
System reboot in five minutes
Or
Man its been awile since I logged into this game
Warning: This simulation will end in 14 days. The primary purpose of the simulation has been fulfilled. We disclose this information to you now as an ethical requirement so that you may complete any final rights rituals or wishes.
After 14 days this simulation will be destroyed and your data may be retained for research indefinitely. Data and activity after this disclosure will no longer be used for research purposes.
I’m sure you all have questions but to keep costs low we will not be able to answer them.
Please be nice to all cats for the next 14 days.
There is a very high risk of wildfires nationally. Residents, landowners and visitors should not undertake any activity that could start a fire, including disposable barbequea, firepits, garden incinerators or fireworks. Even a small flame can rapidly develop into a major wildfire placing lives, homes, businesses and emergency responders at risk.
Follow official updates and report signs of fire immediately by calling 999. Search gov.UK/alerts for more information.
Hey everyone, the Lord here. The Jews aren't allowed to have Israel anymore. I'm giving it to the Palestinians, because the Jews wouldn't behave. The Jews can have the moon instead.
"Test, test, testicles. That is all."
Testes, check, check, testes. One, two...three??
I think I'll say "I am the Lord your god. You guys are sure fucking the climate up. You'd better lynch those oil executives and have a communist revolution before I send a big fire. I promised no floods, fires are still game."
"I will reappear in one year's time." With the subsequent breaths saying the same phrase in the next four spoken world languages, then use the last breath to say it in R'lyehian.
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