Call me jaded, but I thought Bryon Noem's comically large breasts were kind of underwhelming. When photos of the embattled former Secretary of State Kristi Noem’s husband leaked in March, the 56-year-old father of three could be seen in a skintight flesh-colored shirt stuffed with a pair of latex balloons each as big as his head. Security analysts warned that his spending $25,000 on online “bimbofication” fetish models left his high-ranking family vulnerable to extortion while the internet laughed. And sure, the cockeyed nipples were funny—hilarious, even. It's just that, after getting a glimpse of the modern man's psyche over several years a sex worker, I was too haunted by the familiarity of that buxom insurance executive’s joyless expression to take much pleasure in his public humiliation.

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