the biggest human penis on earth. maybe the Serpent was packing
The Serpent actually was Adams penis and I have no idea where I’m going with this.
Neither did the drug addict who wrote Genesis
Hey now!
There were at least three drug addicts!
Hank...?
And they couldn't dance.
But man, the way they walk!
The serpent did in fact tempt them with the idea of things they'd never experienced before
And led to the curse of painful childbirth.
But does the serpent eat you out, Eve?
Hadn't ever really thought about a snake's penis, until today.
*Penises.
A hemipenis (pl.: hemipenes) is one of a pair of intromittent organs of male squamates (snakes and lizards).[1][2][3] Hemipenes are usually held inverted within the body, and are everted for reproduction via erectile tissue.
And its partner the hemiclitoris...
I coulda had a hemi
That's because it's not a penis...
And, at least biblically speaking, there would have been horses somewhere around at the time.
Were there sheep as well?
"No. I said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Ewe!"
There were no male horses or elephants?
Blue whales?
Nope
"If Man is made in God's image, does that mean God has a functioning penis?" is a fun question to ask biblical literalists.
And a bellybutton
Which implies that god was birthed
So, by whom?
A big fat giant turtle, man.
Careful of those elephants, though. They have a temper
Great, now im thinking about god's hot juicy cock again
„again“? 😂
Can God create a penis so heavy he can’t lift it?
How do you think I got this hawg?
According to the theology of some Christian denominations (I can't remember which, exactly), the answer is yes.
Image search "Yahweh and his Asherah". Back when he was chill, Him and his best bud barely had a complete outfit between them. (Then his gf/sis ran off with his buddy, and the rest is human history /jk.)
And if he does ... why? What does he do with it? As the single existence in the universe before genesis. Its a sexual organ. Who/what does he have sex with? Does god masturbate all day?
He just uses his alt-account Zeus and
As a God's image, I know that he masturbates all day every day.
He has sex with Asherah. They crested other gods together.
Sound Old Testamenty?
Very close, she was a caananite goddess, which is where Israel/Palestine would be today. She was the consort of Yahweh historically, but very infrequently mentioned in the Tanakh. There are a lot of theories about her being edited out when judaism became a monotheistic religion. Not a lot of that supported in history, which obviously would happen if she was edited out and many of the previous copies were destroyed. Either way, fun conspiracy theory.
https://brewminate.com/asherah-ancient-canaanite-mother-goddess-consort-to-yahweh/
Was that not what manna was in the Old Testament? Drops of "Oh Yeahway"?
God, can't we PLEASE eat something else for once!?
"lol no look out here cums more"
Damn, no wonder the snake had such an easy time tempting her.
Also the smallest....
Well, also the smallest.
And perfectly average! (At least that's what she told him)
"I'm literally made out of one of your bones! And you STILL can't find it?"
It's also the tightest pussy...
And don't forget it was handcrafted by God to perfection.
Eve invented wood working out of frustration.
But does he eat you out, Eve?
But I'm a grower not a shower!
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