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Kazoos on standby
Can't travel there and I'm not muslim. But if I could, I'd show up with a prayer rug and FSM teeshirt, and kneel facing Mecca while loudly making noises.
Don't Pastafarians face Naples?
I can pray. He won't like to whom or for what I pray, but sure, the gods could use another plea for his downfall.
They need to do this from their closet.
At least according to their own text.
https://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/mt/6.html?v=6
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Priests read this as gospel at mass where everyone shows up to pray in public and will 100% gossip behind your back if you miss a Sunday or don't look like you're praying hard enough while there.
I'm so glad I live in a part of the United States where I just don't have to give a fuck about picking the "right" church and doing the "right" things there. I have to pay as much attention to that shit as I do to how much someone loves Harry Potter series vs. Star Wars.
Though apparently that is a huuuuge thing in certain parts of the U.S., notably, the South.
My view is that religion and all its little rules and rituals are for those that have adapted that lifestyle. Since I live in a secular nation, I don't have to give two farts in a high wind about any of it.
And yet I was taught in school that people went to America to escape religious persecution.
It's true, they did! They just don't mention they were being persecuted for being christofascist nutjobs nobody could tolerate.
Amd they were persecuted by Christians.
And they banned Christmas.
And secular music, dancing, card playing, theatres and taverns.
You gotta love the hypocrisy.
The people in power spontaneously turned blind to their own history
They were “persecuted” in the same manner the modern fundamentalist calls being told to respect the boundaries of others and coexist with different people “persecution”. In an era of religious extremism, the Puritans were so fucking obnoxious even the other Protestants didn’t want them around. It’s a national myth, loosely based on a kernel of truth but twisted to fit the broader idea that Christians, especially the fundamentalist ones, are a victimized, persecuted minority when they don’t get to use their religion as an excuse to force their bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, and values on everyone else.
bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, and values
misread this as bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, and wolves
what might that mean???
Well cuz, I think you’ve just got canines on the mind. I know they’d like to think of themselves as pack leaders or lone survivors, but the Lord is their shepherd and we all know what shepherds look after. Care for some mutton?
Not letting Christians so whatever they want is persecution. /s
hail satan!
Hall Santa!
EPSTEIN FILES!!!! OMG THEY TORTURED, RAPED, AND KILLED CHILDREN. Fuck your stupid prayer. Only the most depraved demon would answer any of their prayers. Also, I hear they ate people too.
Matthew 6:5
“And when you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they will be seen by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.
Hail. Mother fucking. SATAN if these are the assholes telling you to pray to Jesus
Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, please reach down from the heavens above and make this motherfucker's heart explode. There. I prayed.
Please oh Lord, extend thy noodly appendage and make him shit himself so hard that his small intestine prolapses.
Ramen
Im doing gay sex magic then to counter balance it >:3
LMAO I love you and I love this lol
Oh I'll be praying for something alright ..
We can pray for the demise of Christofascism, but it's going to be our job to make that prayer come true.
At least you don't have that scary brown lady.
But hey, bOtH sIdEs R tEh SaMe amirite?
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(6 replies)
Donald Trump is a prophet of the old testament. He even got the part about fucking his own daughter right.
I pray every day. Just not to the god they expect me to......
“White house to pander to Christian voters because they’re scared about the midterms”
Satanists should demand equal access to do the same thing.
I'll pray.. I'll pray the good lord takes him awaaayyyyyyyyyyy, yeaahh!
Thought this was the Onion for a second.
Sucks you can’t even tell real news from the onion these days. :/
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this post was submitted on 17 May 2026
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