576
Sorry, can't do scarves.
(sopuli.xyz)
Reminds me on how they had a single person (I think?) doing Batman’s cape for the Arkham games. That was their position, the person who makes the cape seem like a real piece of cloth.
I still think about how good the cape looked when flowing or in movement. They did an amazing job either way!
For Assassins Creed Black Flag they had an entire team of like 14 people just making sure the ocean looked pretty.
and then a decade later they did Skull and Bones and somehow it looks way way worse
Different team.
That ocean looked amazing when the boat didn't load and there was hole in the ocean with some people and items floating above it.
That game was the best pirate game that nobody asked for, and it was a freaking Assassin’s Creed game! xD
All they had to do was remove all the bits that made it an Assassin's Creed game and it would've been perfect. But they did Skull & Bones instead. It's like they hate easy money.
Seriously! I think that’s true about most companies these days. They literally go the worst route possible 90% of the time.
I had a client who thought I was a miracle worker for changing the color of every link on the site in under an hour.
Then he got mad because it took me three days to add one field to a form.
Most people cannot begin to comprehend that just having the field on the form doesn’t magically make it do anything. Like, yeah, I can add a field to the form in five minutes, but if you want it to actually work, it’ll take time.
Design mock ups are the bane of my existence.
What do you mean it’ll take 6 months…you have almost all the work done in your demo.
I made some buttons that navigate between pages that have laid out controls on them. Other than those specific navigations…nothing works.
Dotcom days, my company charged a venue $30k for an "emergency change" to disable a form and all links to it.
The dev already had a system switch for it. $30k, 10-second change.
a {
color: pink;
}
And then you realize that the previous programmer abused the anchors to build all of the buttons.
And 50% of the styles are marked as !important
Hey it's not my fault, this project was started in 2018 and they choose to use bootstrap.
Oh god I didn’t expect that to give me the level of PTSD flashback that it did.
Fuck bootstrap with a rusty pitchfork.
It’s not as bad as it used to be. Some things require you to use a few more selectors that you’d normally write, but that’s really only tables.
Most stuff is exposed via CSS variables nowadays.
Good to know.
I have not touched it in several years so I just remember the 2013-2019 onslaught of bootstrap.
To be fair to the client, I, as a programmer, often struggle to estimate tasks with accuracy, and am very often at a loss at even explaining to co-workers why some things are easy and others impossible.
I once just asked how long if would take them to swap the chair and the table, and how long it would take to swap the window and that pillar. After all, it's just moving stuff around. They understood after that.
Careful, that table is critical for getting airflow over that server in the corner. If you move the table it will overheat and cause a cascade of failures and bankrupt the entire company.
And that’s a load bearing chair.
I like that metaphor. I'm gonna use it next time I have to talk to a non-technical.
I've never felt more called out.
He was okay when I explained that the custom Magento plugin was written in Bulgarian and I had to translate it before attempting to understand the convoluted mess I’d been given.
I'm sad that the relevant xkcd is kinda obsolete now (because it's been long enough for that research team to finish doing its thing).
Google photos is alarmingly good at object and individual recognition. It'll probably be used by the droid war killbots to distinguish "robot" from "human with bucket on head."
Not a hot dog
What would be a "nearly impossible" task in this post-AI world? Short of the provably impossible tasks like the busy beaver problem (and even then, you would be able to make an algorithm that covers a subset of the problem space), I really can't think of anything.
I think 100% autonomous robotics and driving is still at least 5-10 years away even with large research teams working on it. I mean truly robust AI which is able to handle any situation you could throw at it with zero intervention needed.
I appreciate the joke, but the rules are exactly why they go "oof". The scarf has higher requirements for precision and a more constant overhead than a one-off giant summon.
You could make them go "oof" on the summon if you added a requirement that the lava properly flow along the ground and interact with all characters near the event.
Let me translate. Adding a completely new object with new rules is easy compared to modifying exist assets and it's new a clothing peice. Cosmetics are hard to implement, especially a fucking scarf which is on top of all the major animation areas. Do the animations still look good? Do I need to adjust the cutscenes to account for which scarf is being warn? How does this affect lighting?
The scarf has higher requirements for precision and a more constant overhead than a one-off giant summon.
I mean, there's a scarf.
And then there's a scarf
You could make them go “oof” on the summon if you added a requirement that the lava properly flow along the ground and interact with all characters near the event.
I think the better question is "How many polygons do you want and what do you want them to do?"
Real time simulation of fabrics is a ongoing field of study. It has years of research behind it.
Generally simulated fabrics look good as long as it is flapping in the wind like a flag and has no chance of interacting with any other objects, such as the person wearing a scarf.
"You can choose to play as a mighty warrior, or a free-floating sentient scarf. One or the other."
The last two-minute-papers video on the subject makes it look like a solved problem, until you notice the stats in the corner are measuring "minutes per frame"
Exactly, the first request is so vague that you can just implement it in a way that doesn't require any complicated programming magic, but a scarf has the implicit expectation to swing around and not intersect with the player or itself. Or worse, expect the player to summon a demon wearing a scarf!
(Still a good joke though)
Or you could go the JRPG way and make the scarf clip through everything including on cut scenes where the devs had 100% of control over the position of everything.
Scarf on the demon is probably fine :) They can bake it into the new movement frames. Player has all kinds of focus and real time physics :)
No shit. One is moving an existing model upwards. The other is changing an existing model, adding new cloth physics animation to it, and fixing any animation that involves the scarf. One is a one-time thing, the other is the entire game.
That said, I'm still annoyed RDR2 never made an open collar option for neckerchiefs. Arthur is not Monk, or a Brooklyn hipster.
Now try a classy giant demon with a scarf
this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2026
576 points (100.0% liked)
Programmer Humor
30053 readers
1148 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS