My name used to be Rachel but they made it illegal in my country after the Friends finale so I had to change it to Dave. It doesn't really suit me but it's nice whenever I introduce myself people are like "wow. Dave, that's such a unique name". I've only ever met one other Dave in my life and he was a total loser like me so we hit it off pretty well and got married 6 days ago at a Asian grocery store in The Dominican Republic.

I hope I meet another Dave one day so I can marry him too. I've considered changing my name back to Rachel since it doesn't seem to be illegal anymore but you know that name just doesn't suit me as well as Dave.

I was at a party once, a little drunk, told a girl I was psychic and could guess her name. I thought it would be a good icebreaker, we would laugh at me guessing wrong etc.

I got it right. She thought I was a stalker or something and told all her friends to stay away from me.

Good times.

So in high school, I had to drop out my senior year. Rumors get around and I was at one of my best buddies' birthday party. I'm talking to my ex gf and she's really down. More than I can reasonably understand. I start prying. She eventually tells me that she used to date someone who looked like me but not also like a skeleton and he just died and talking to me was really harshing her buzz. I gave her the old Forrest Whittaker eye™ and asked her what she thought my name was.

She spent the next ten minutes excitedly dashing around the party telling everyone and anyone that I was alive, so her shock seemed genuine. I should have asked her how she thought I died.

What english speaking country has both 'high school' and trains?

Edit: ok turns out the twitter account is based in LA

At least we know he didn’t trade in for the Shinigami eyes.

Should’ve went with Ashley instead.

Now playing Atmosphere - Yesterday