I watched a guy chug a bottle of orange Listerine, ramble incoherently for ten minutes, then proceed to have uncontrollable diarrhea all over the seat before getting off the train.

A singing and commentating bus driver! :-)

I watched a lady bring a small dead bird in a ziploc onto the Metro in Montreal and then proceed to pluck its feathers onto the floor.

and we aren't talking about your game hen or a quail here or something. I'm lalking about a fucking sparrow or something like that.

Back when I was a teenager, some old hippie went on an entirely unprompted rant about not killing flies to me and my friends for what seemed like the entirety of our 30 minute bus ride. He said killing harmful bugs is necessary but flies are just looking for nitrogen so don't kill them.

Not my story, but it’s so good I have to share it: my classmate told me about how she was on a bus and some guy was arguing with the bus driver about fare or something, and the bus driver just gets up, takes off his bus driver vest thing, and fucking walks off the job! She said everyone on the bus was like WTF. Then when she left the bus and went to another bus stop to try to get home the driver was also just waiting at that stop, because obviously he drove the bus there and had no other way to get anywhere 😂

In Halifax, two teenage girls talking on the bus. One girl was describing how her boyfriend fucks her. Very graphic.

Someone called the bus driver "woman" for being sensitive during an argument so he called the police on them.

One of the first times I took the path train (it's a light rail in NJ/NYC. Basically another subway line). I sit down, and an older guy in a suit sits down next to me. He's got like a box in a plastic bag in his lap. No big deal.

This was in like 2002. He didn't have a cell phone or earphones. Just sitting quietly, waiting for the train to leave.

He started to giggle. Little chuckles. And then escalated to full laughs. It rises and rises until he's like cackling. And then he calms down, reverses all the way through giggles and back to silence. Never said a word.

I don't know what was in the box. I didn't ask. I assume he just got away with a killer heist.

In addition to some junkie/alkie shenanigans I saw an immigrant started praying on his Muslim mat in front of the train doors. Dude started raving when someone stepped on his mat trying to get out. I remember everyone just looking around confused over the idiocy of it all

Some tweaker was huffing compressed air cans, but the kind that have the bittering agent to discourage people from huffing. The stuff got into the air and was very unpleasant for everyone. I had to get off at the next stop and wait for another train, I couldn't breathe.

Santacon and elf con crossed tracks at a train stop. For some reason there was also a train full of clowns and a few mime artists all on the same train.

Saw a guy on the SF Muni simultaneously solving two Rubik’s cubes, one in each hand. By the time he got off at the next station he was done with both of them.

hoo boy have I got a story for you!

It's my first day heading to work after moving to a new apartment. I get on the bus around 7 AM. My guide dog (Guide Dog 1 from a previous post) is under my seat with her head poking out a bit into the aisle.

A few stops down route and this drunk lady gets on and sits right next to me. I'm a little annoyed but it's public transit and a lack of personal space is par for the course.

"Oh, a doggy," she slurs in Spanish, attempting to pet my dog's head. Unfortunately she misses and starts petting my leg instead. I jump up and relocate to another seat, but not before telling the woman "Please don't touch my dog, and don't touch me either." The rest of the ride she's groping the air in the general direction of my dog.

Some other anecdotes in no particular order:

• Someone in the back of the bus screaming "It's my birthday WOOOOOOOO!"
• A lady ranting at the driver to stop for a good 20 minutes because she has to pee
• A smelly bum falling asleep on my shoulder

I have to mention a time where I was probably the strange one: after the lockdowns ended but while masking was still common, I would wear a full respirator with face shield, basically a gas mask, while on the bus. My rationale is that a normal paper or cloth mask stops the wearers germs from getting out but doesn't do so well at stopping them from getting in. I can't see who is or isn't wearing a mask, so I'm going to wear something that WILL protect me against the non maskers.

EDIT:

Oh and the time my bus got cut off by another bus and the driver got out and started yelling at the other driver. I was already within walking distance of my destination, so I just noped off the bus before it could escalate.

EDIT 2:

same bus as the drunk dog petter, this guy would get on at the stop after mine. I called him Mr. Bucket because he always carried this large white plastic bucket that smelled absolutely foul.

EDIT 3:

I get on a bus (different city) while wearing a lanyard with a name badge on it. I forget to slip the lanyard under my shirt, and this lady leans in and grabs the lanyard to examine the card.

Her: "You're from [name of place on the lanyard]?"

Me, unable to lie at this point: "...yes".

I’ve had to administer noloxone twice on the subway (once was on the platform)

Somebody jumped in front of the train. I only caught it out of the corner of my eye and I thought it was a suitcase at first. I couldn't fathom that it could be a person. I actually got on the train but when it didn't move it dawned on me what had happened and then someone else confirmed it. Everyone just stared at each other in disbelief and then we all silently excited and went on about our way. Fuck, I completely forgot about that.

Weirdly, when I finally got to my destination there was a nun on a stretcher being rolled out of the building by EMTs. Strange day.

A drunk man in an Elvis costume, singing to old ladies and grabbing their hands. They loved it.

A dude approached me letting me know he was the Blue Elf, he was dressed in a childish vibrant flat colors, but nothing too out of the ordinary. He told me he was an artist traveling for an exchange and that he was known for giving away blue puzzle pieces, of which he gave me one. Said goodbye a couple of stops later. He left me utterly confounded. Once home, I looked it up on the Internet and confirmed all his story…