I always thought this was more for the child's benefit. Rather than addressing them by what they are lacking addressing them by what they have might be gentler.
yeah I thought "single mother" was already a supposedly better replacement for "fatherless", for exactly the reason you stated
I've never thought that term carried any stigma other than "this person is working harder than most do to survive"
Me too
I think this post is the one that will make me finally unsubscribe and leave this commmunity. It's so many brigaders here now and it's not fun or productive anymore. I might return some time in the future, but I fought the good fight and I'm ready to be done.
Open discourse is fine, but you can really only have a community like this work if enough people accept the core premise. I'm not sure Lemmy can support that kind of userbase.
Best of luck, everyone.
I get that totally, I've been thinking about doing the same thing. I don't want to desert the cause though!
Notice the posts about witch stuff are largely ignored...
To me, single mother/father isn't negative. It's simply a way to explain their situation; that they are raising a child by themselves and for whatever reason they don't have a partner.
Honestly the first time I've heard someone think of it in a negative way. Mostly I hear people say single mother/father with sincere respect as they know raising a kid is difficult, and can't imagine doing it by themselves.
*Quick edit to affirm the fact that single fathers are relatively rare as we live in a patriarchy.
one of my mother's more unhinged rant topics was women intentionally keeping children away from their fathers as revenge for him breaking up with her and that if they don't have the maturity to get married and stay married then they shouldn't have children etc etc. She also talked mad shit about people who take government assistance to care for their children when my disabled sister has always been on as many benefits as my mother could get approved (she had good reasons though, unlike those lazy "other" people... 🤔)
ime I have seen mothers use their child coercively but it's not usually by keeping them from the father, at least not successfully. It turns out family court actually favors fathers if they bother to pursue custody, which few do without a strong reason, either good or bad. It's usually been women using the children to coerce family, friends, or a new partner into staying by getting them to bond with the child then being able to actually remove the child from them since they have no legal rights to the child. And I think the only reason I haven't seen fathers do it more is because, as stated previously, many don't pursue custody due to either internal or external expectations that childcare is the mother's job.
I was raised by a single father. He definitely "took us" from my mother with spite in his heart. Pretty rare yes. I think I was 8 years old when I heard him call her a whore the first time.
He got arrested when I was a teen for, being a shitty parent. Such a shitty parent, he got a ten year sentence, served 8. Should have been longer.
He fought "so hard for his kids" and then just completely dropped the ball. We had like 3 good years before it all turned to shit.
My mom's dying this week. I .. don't know what I feel about it, but the wrong parent is suffering. I hated my mom for a long time in my youth because to me at the time, I couldn't understand why she couldn't be the superhero single mom you'd hear about all the time. She knew the bad stuff that was happening to us with our father, and yet claimed, she was powerless to help us.
Anyhoo, men who fight for custody usually get it, and it was very easy for my father (adopted step father technically) to spin my mother as crazy and unfit. Divorced 1993.
Damn, I'm sorry you have such a negative experience on the topic. It's really awful to have a batshit insane mother, isn't it? My parents were also a bit fucky, and it's something I think I'll have to deal with for a long time still.
I suppose the mother coercing people is perhaps more of a stress response and navigating the fear of raising a child by themselves. Like indirectly asking for help.
I certainly agree that the courts favour the fathers, as they are basically the hub of anything patriarchal.
oh, no. The women I'm remembering were straight up abusive. One of them was too high to properly bond with the older male child when he was born so she really only wanted the younger girl but she refused to give up custody of him because she could get money out of the grandmother in exchange for being allowed to see him. Kid was like ten showing up to my friend's mom's house with handprint bruises talking about beating hookers and they couldn't get CPS to remove the kid. Fucking sad. I don't talk to that friend anymore for unrelated reasons but last I heard her sister had at least gotten back with the kid's dad and was at least treating my friend's nephew better in front of his biodad.
also idgaf if it is a stress response. It really damages the kids to not have consistent caregivers and to be constantly told that people who were positive influences in their life were actually bad. It's gonna fuck up their ability to set healthy boundaries for the rest of their life. If they can't "ask for help" without fucking a kid up for life then they are an unfit parent. Those women were just uniquely awful people whose kids might have had a better life if mom taking the kids in the break up wasn't the societal default.
Even the idea of "raising a child by themselves" is variable. Separated parents often collaborate very well in raising children "together".
The term "single mother" (or single father) doesn't even really indicate custody. It's a hangup on not being in committed a relationship.
Baring psycho religious idiots, do people really use "single parent" as a pejorative? I've only ever considered it an indication of the unique struggles the description entails, not as a judgment on them.
I have heard it. Some people feel better about themselves by looking down on others.
I genuinely don't know anyone that uses it as a pejorative.
I've only seen it used in the pejorative sense when there was also a racial factor. So by people who were racist.
I feel like a widowed mother might not appreciate this
The single parent is the focus of importance to the discussion. Simply mentioning a thing isn't dissing it.
I like that you post a lot, but I feel like there are some stinkers in there that don't pass the smell test. There's a plenty of single parents that actively keep past partners from their children. Often enough this is against their child's and former partners wishes. Some even want to hurt their exes by removing their child.
That being said the stereotype does certainly exist, but reality to me is more complex with less gender related lines. And pushing conservative gender roles is a yikes.
It's also sadly the case that many "absentee" fathers are in jail for victimless crimes and/or serving disproportionately long sentences, especially as the targets of racism.
Erin Patria Margaret Pizzey CBE (born 19 February 1939) is a British men's rights activist and novelist known for her advocacy on behalf of both men's and women's rights and for her work against domestic violence. She is recognized for founding the world's first and largest domestic violence shelter in the world, Refuge, then known as Chiswick Women’s Aid, in 1971.
Pizzey says that she has been the subject of death threats and boycotts because her experience and research into the issue led her to conclude that most domestic violence is reciprocal, and that women are as capable of violence as men. These threats eventually led to her exile from the UK. Pizzey has said that the threats were from militant feminists. She has also stated that she is banned from the refuge she started.
Pizzey is sus, cursory review of her own words immediately reveals this.
What I get out of it is she is the first one to fight for domestic shelters for women, she was the first to get one started. I am very sus of many aspects of the men’s rights movement after diving deep… there’s a lot of hate and discontent… but she was also the first to try and start a shelter for men… and one of the first to notice that often times abusive relationships are reciprocal… which doesn’t excuse anyone, but does seem to point to something…
Since when is calling someone a single mother “blaming” them?
Why does she have a colostomy bag?
That doesn't even make sense.
The first is talking about the child, the second about the mother.
Single 'father' here, and I don't give a fuck what you call it, I'll make the best of it but it fucking sucks
"children of absentee fathers"... instead of "single mothers"? or instead of "children of single mothers"? i don't disagree with the point, but the lack of clarity in the phrasing is really bugging me... it's probably just pedantry, it's not a big deal
well, i guess i would agree that it's usually not derogatory. i think it's probably a little nicer in reference to the child as well, since it doesn't as strongly imply they're totally fucked for life like saying "children of absentee fathers", cause at least they have a mom, you know?
"mothers of children of absentee fathers"
Deadbeat Dads
Dead~~beat~~ Dads
Cool slop bro
Why dont you contact the artist and discussing your your concerns with her?
The belt buckle is egregious. Either made by AI or the artist is trying to replicate slop
I’ve got a better idea. No. Take responsibility for the shit you post.
Just a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? If you're going to give notes on the English language, you gotta bring your A-game. Off the top of my head, "mom solo". I'm sure there are better ideas, just don't ask us to replace handy phrases with boring full sentences.
It’s an extra syllable. Sorry if we’re wasting all your precious time with a single mouth sound.
Do you know what a real waste of time is? Helping angry people on the internet count to eight - but here we go captain pisstake.
Chil dren of ab sen tee fa thers eight.
Chil - dren - of - sin - gle - mo - thers. Seven. I can do it too. My point still stands.
Does it though, if you're having this much fun wasting my time?
My language did that better, term is "Alleinerziehender", literally translating to:
"alone nursing (person)".
Also, it incidentally is in the male grammatical form, although that is used as a neutral gender here.
"Single Mom" has become some kind of slur, understanding that correct?
Interesting! I've never heard the male form used except specifically when talking about a male person. I'd guess it's a regional thing again (die/das Nutella anyone?).
But for the single mom/dad I've not heard that as a derogative in daily speech.
For me it makes sense to talk about a situation from the perspective of the people in the situation and not some circumstance.
I've never heard the male form used
Typically you would not use the noun at all, but the adjective "alleinerziehend".
“Single Mom” has become some kind of slur, understanding that correct?
Honestly it entirely depends on the context. Some see single parents as incredible superheros for how much they manage to balance everything and keep it all stable for their kids who are too young to be left alone. But also some use it as a put down, whether as slut-shaming, part of anti-poor rhetoric or there's the infamous "but where are the fathers?!" racial dogwhistle. Basically single parents are a convenient block of people to paint all sorts of different pictures of to push whatever narrative one might be trying to push
They aren’t the problem, they’re the one getting the recognition.
Fucking puritans.
We're still paying the price for their insane zealotry and terrible fashion choices.
