I'm not afraid of phone calls. I hate phone calls. Same way I hate boiled pizza. Makes me judge your parents for the decisions you make.

Let's walk through the average phone call, as the technology is currently implemented and people interact with it, because my username checks the fuckout.

Phone might ring. Who fucking knows? There's one volume rocker on the side of the phone and it controls like nine different and independent volume sliders depending on what app is in control of it this specific nanosecond, so trying to turn Tom Scott down while trying to fall asleep to Something You Mighte Naught Have Knowne, you also turned your ringer off. Shrodinger's fucking ringtone.

Phone actually rings. It's a number from your area code you don't recognize, which means it's either the local Republican wanting money, or a criminal in India.

Phone actually rings, it's someone on your contacts list for once, so you pick up the phone. Apple patented the horizontal slide, so real phones can't use it. Instead sometimes it's a button and sometimes it's a touch-here-and-slide-in-any-direction. When the phone was new you set up a "gesture" where an upward motion and placing the screen near your face would automatically answer the call...that feature might have been deprecated. Did you set it up where pushing the power button would answer the call? Nope. That just hung up on them.

Phone rings again, you do the stupid slide gesture. "Hello?" Silence. Silence. Silence. Line goes dead. Okay, this is one in three phone calls that just don't work.

Phone rings again, stupid slide gesture. It doesn't recognize it, you try it again, it works. "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Ah, can you hear me?" three second pause "Yeah I can year you." (audio quality that resembles a 90's McDonald's drive thru speaker that's only been pissed in once this week)

I don't know why I haven't started answering the phone "what the PITY FUCK did you call me for?" Because I don't think anything more subtle will get people to get. to. the. POINT!!!

"What's up, Bob?" "Hey Greg, it's uh. It's Bob." I knew this before I answered the phone because caller ID has been a standard feature on phones since I had my first handjob, but the lead in your synapses has prevented you from internalizing this concept. We'll try and let it soak in for another 20 years I guess. "What's. up. Bob?" "Uh, well, nothin much, what about you?" "WHAT'S UP BOB?" "Well uh, me and uh, me and Cindy are gonna go to the uh, the uh Chinese place and get some, like, takeout or whatever? You want anything?"

"No thanks."

"Uh well, uh, you sure, I mean like, we can get you somethin."

"I'm sure."

"Well uh, okay then I guess. You been doing okay?"

"Bob I've got something on the stove, I've got to go."

"Oh alright, well, uh, I guess I'll let you go then, talk to ya later"

take phone away from face, wait for the screen to light up again to see where the end call button is because it's not a fucking button anymore because the amoeba that ate Steve Jobs' brain escaped and multiplied to the rest of the tech industry, by the time you find it, the other party hung up.

===

The same exchange via SMS:

"hey wer gettin chinese want some"

"nah. thx."

"k"

I wouldn't say we're afraid. I don't particularly like speaking on the phone though, but it's alright, I even worked call center for a while so it doesn't bother me much these days.

Anyways, essentially texting is just more efficient. I can't speak for everyone else, but for instance at work, I hate it when I have a question or need assistance on a specific topic, ask on my team chat and have a couple of people saying "quick call?".

If it's something really complex, fine... that's fair. Other than that? It's just so inefficient. I can be working on something else and just reply during my off time between tasks, same with whoever I ask help from. Also, most of the time I'm listening to music, or I have my TV with ambience sound on the background. So then I have to turn everything off just so I can go for a 5minute call for something that could be done over chat on the same amount of time.

Sorry this comment turned out way longer than I thought it would.

Because I'm doing something else and I'm not going to just drop everything to receive information synchronously which could be sent asynchronously.

It's easier to weigh the relative importance and time sensitivity of the incoming message against the importance of what you're doing via text rather than a call.

Because anything not important can be sent through a text. Most people call because it's something important or a big deal and at a lot of the times it's not a good call. So that's why people don't like phone calls because the thing that's on the other end is most likely non-desirable.

I think it's an American thing. Calling someone isn't weird here in the civilised world. Maybe it's their problem with robocalls. Maybe their paying too much for calls.

Ok princess.

Phone calls are so much worse than face to face conversations. The absolute worst is having to make an important phone call. That ruins my entire day.

…you okay?

Voice calls don't have the same costs for everyone. I've worked in tech support, taking calls all day, and that shit wore on me. Dealing with text is just lower cost, at least for me. Pretty ableist to just declare one medium the one true medium, all others are a sign of ineptitude.

Might be worth noting, also, that an earlier generation said the same goddamn thing about phone calls, as compared to F2F interactions.

Somehow, the tune always changes, but the dance steps remain the same.

Imagine thinking that a smartphone is required for SMS. I remember back when smartphones were just getting to market in the 1980s, don't you?

Levels of idiocy to that magnitude are a clear sign of basic technology ineptitude. With that said: who typed this comment for you?

it has a big red button that says "don't speak to me" though

if I had to speak to them it wouldn't have that button