338
I am cringing. (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 3 days ago by irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/badwomensanatomy
40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

TranscriptA tweet by steffi 🦇 ( @immortal_graves ) saying "Welp. @riverandmal found the worst "man writes woman excerpt" ever. The tweet has an image attachment saying " "Hey, baby. It's happening. I'm ovulating right now. I felt the tingling of my egg coming out." But the most obvious change to Felicia's body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits. Imagining those seeds making way into her fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb, I felt myself stiffen once more."

The tweet was posted on Twitter for iPhone at 3:03 PM, 03 septermber 20.

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[-] pyre@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

I'm sorry no that's not a man writing a woman, that's an alien trying to write human woman

[-] ook@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 day ago

Uuugh. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

[-] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 64 points 2 days ago

"smut may only be 100% realistic. We cannot have smutty fiction engage in any fetishes or fantasies ever."

I know cis women who are into stuff like cumflation or being able to feel ovulation in a pleasurable way. This is just a twitter user self-reporting as being boring at best, puritanically anti-kink at worst.

On a side note: I found it wild that you average straight person thinks that wearing a collar, calling someone a good girl/boy and/or going "woof" in bed is extremely kinky. That's entry-level for furries.

[-] irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 2 days ago

Ok, I didn't consider that.

[-] Presently42@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 days ago

This is actually a fantastic take

[-] gmtom@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

You know what, fair enough.

[-] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 25 points 2 days ago

Just admit you have an enormous breeding fetish

[-] abbiistabbii 22 points 2 days ago

Normally I have more tolerance for internet shit but that's enough internet shit for today.

[-] Skua@kbin.earth 113 points 3 days ago

"The writer's barely-disguised inflation fetish"

[-] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

Barely disguised? There's a flashing billboard with an arrow pointing at it.

[-] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 4 points 1 day ago

Bye Felicia.

[-] Lumidaub@feddit.org 84 points 3 days ago

Bloke labelled "Sickos" peering through the window: "Yes... Hahaha... YES!"

[-] Rozauhtuno 22 points 2 days ago

I need eyebleach.

[-] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 55 points 3 days ago

Someone didn't pay attention at basic biology class at all

[-] Zachariah@lemmy.world 32 points 3 days ago

If the writer was American, there’s a non-zero chance they weren’t taught basic biology.

[-] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 15 points 2 days ago

It uses inches, so it's a US American or maybe an older commonwealth country person (or I guess a Liberian or whatever the other place is that still uses stupid units).

[-] AlecSadler 5 points 2 days ago

Could be Christofascist biology which I've heard is all sorts of messed up.

[-] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 38 points 2 days ago

What the - and I can't stress this enough - fuck

[-] kassiopaea 20 points 2 days ago

No, no, "the fuck" comes after; not just "fuck".

[-] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 13 points 2 days ago

"The fuck" comes for all of us, eventually

[-] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 6 points 2 days ago

I would venture to say this is a situation where "the absolute fuck" is warranted.

[-] OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago

Ehhh, it's just smut. It doesn't have to be realistic, it just has to satisfy the author's breeding fetish.

[-] magnetosphere@fedia.io 40 points 3 days ago

Genuine lol here. How did this get past an editor that was even half paying attention? Is this self-published?

[-] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 47 points 3 days ago

I imagine that editor just wanted rid of that manuscript as fast as possible.

[-] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

Or it's on a site dominated by amateur authors, like WattPad or AO3

[-] Taleya@aussie.zone 4 points 2 days ago

That shit would not fly on A03. Not even in the omegaverse

[-] bhamlin@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Clearly, you don't sort ao3 by "worst"

[-] TachyonTele@piefed.social 16 points 3 days ago

You think they care that much about this type of book?

[-] oleorun@lemmy.fan 41 points 3 days ago

"Bae, are you sure it's not the trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of flagella tingling?"

[-] slazer2au@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago

Man, it's not even 8:30 and I have read too much today.

[-] weariedfae@sh.itjust.works 23 points 2 days ago

So this is actually real kinda, some women can feel when they ovulate sometimes. It's called mittelschmerz and it's quite uncomfortable. Like an aching stab. Definitely not sexy.

[-] ramble81@lemmy.zip 31 points 2 days ago

Uh-huh… and the rest of it? Like you know, Apperantly cumming so damn much he causes her uterus to swell to the point “it adds an inch to her waistline”

[-] Drewmeister@lemmy.world 67 points 2 days ago

So this is actually real kinda, some men can cum so much that a woman has to size up their pants. It's called bigolspurtz and it's quite sexy. Definitely not uncomfortable.

[-] LePoisson@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Oh my God thank you for that laugh.

[-] AlecSadler 30 points 2 days ago

This is so dumb and I can't stop laughing.

[-] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Bigolspurtz sounds like the name of wizard

[-] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago

I cringed so hard my face looked like ground zero for power word scrunch.

[-] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

whaa?

this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2025
338 points (100.0% liked)

Bad Women's Anatomy

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