koans fucking with white people is just a fringe benefit TBH
The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last
Monk was passing through. Some villagers saw him pissing on a statue of Buddha so they grabbed their pitchforks and went to pitchfork him. "Show me where Buddha is not, and I shall piss there." said the monk.
Some Buddha once told me Rebirth was gonna roll me...
You'll get it after fasting for 20 days straight I've heard.
Buddha wants a "peace" of pizza.
My favorite Buddhist tale is that of the Chinese monk Birdsnest, so called because he always hung out in a tree.
Now, Birdsnest was famous and highly regarded, and a governor heard of him and decided to seek him out. The governor travelled for days to reach birdsnest, and when he arrived, he asked "hey, birdsnest, what was it that all the Buddhas taught?" Basically, dude was asking for a one sentence summary of religion, like the famous tale of economic study resulting in the one sentence summary of "no such thing as a free lunch".
Birdsnest answered "Don't do bad things, only do good things."
The governor scoffed, and said "my three year old nephew knows that!"
"Easy enough for the three year old to understand," Birdsnest retorted, "but still very difficult for the sixty year old to do."
A monkey was in a tree above a river and plunged into it. He came out with a fish and scurried up a tree. Once safe in its branches he said to the fish, "Holy shit, good thing I was here. You were about to drown!"
Intention without awareness can be harmful.
Another one is the two monks.
Two monks are traveling. Their sect of Buddhism doesn't allow them to touch women. They came across a river and when they crossed it they saw a woman who capsized her canoe. The elder Monk swam to the woman and helped her to the shore. She hurt her leg so he carried her to the rest of her party.
Once they were traveling again, the younger monk continued to badger the elder Monk on why he thought it was okay to touch that woman. The elder Monk said, "I am no longer carrying that woman. Why do you insist on continuing to carry her?"
Finally some good ones, so far down the list, relayed by Fender Rinpoche no less. The best of these parables should be a bit of a brain teaser imo, have an element of surprise at least. Open up new ways of thinking about the world, and leave some room for contemplation.
I've been looking for a book that is a collection of them
Yeah I was thinking the same though it might be hard to find the right collection for you.
I'd never heard the former, but I adore the latter. I also really enjoy the tale of the horse that came back.
Highly regarded indeed.
The hungry tiger jataka is my favorite
"One day, the Bodhisattva and one of his disciples decided to take a stroll in the forest nearby. This had become a regular practice. They often went for strolls.
While they were walking, the Bodhisattva notices something extremely terrifying. He saw a tigress, which looked weak and hungry. The tigress was about to devour her own cubs. Now, that moved the Bodhisattva’s heart. He did not want the poor animal to suffer the guilt of eating her own cubs. So, he came up with an idea.
He sent his disciple back to do something. The Bodhisattva had decided that he would offer himself as food to the starving tigress. He simply could not let her eat her cubs. And he knew if his disciple had seen this, he would definitely stop the Bodhisattva from offering himself. You may also like to read, The Tiger And The Golden Bangle.
After the disciple is gone, the Bodhisattva approached the tigress. With the utmost compassion in his heart and no malice, he let the tigress devour him. The tigress ate him and fed the cubs as well. After a while, the disciple returned. When he saw the Bodhisattva’s blood stained clothes, he realized what had happened.
He knew the Bodhisattva well. So, he knew the hermit had offered himself to save the tigress. He went back and told his fellow disciples of the Bodhisattva’s sacrifice out of love and compassion. "
I think I figured out why Bodhisattvas went extinct.
Nah, they just get reborn. Like, ping
The problem is that tigers have a taste for Bodhisattvas now.
Fasting grampa wants his life to matter, so feeds himself to Tiger instead of just bringing in another food source. Tiger gives no shits. But Grandpa lovers think his sacrifice was beautiful instead of unnecessary.
Not the Buddhist teaching. But my interpretation.
And one MAGA supporters should definitley read.
Upon seeing the blood stained clothes, the disciple said 'Hey I was hungry, too! Fucking weirdo.'
The disciple was named Colonel Sanders and this was his inspiration to invent the hamberder and never be hungry again.
Bible stories are the same way, we've just heard them a million times so they don't seem weird
"Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?"
"Plain with cheese"
Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus
""Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?"
"You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood"
"Oh of course, sorry boss"
May your marinara be forever spicy.
... And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. If he couldn't have a fig, no one could! Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don't know.
Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said "if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin' teleport mountains into the ocean. That'd be sick, dude."
"Jesus... when you say 'get me off this fucking cross, so help me God'... is that a test? Or should we actually get you off the cross?"
( More ranting and screaming and moaning )
The disciples nod wisely at their leader's self-sacrifice for... their sins maybe? And he will always be immortal in their hearts, because they've already eaten him or something.
The disciples go home, wiser and holier and warily eyeing each other in confirmation of the deeper meaning behind their saviour's last words: "Guys, please, I'm not fucking around, get me down, please, I'm so fucking thirsty.... Jesus fucking christ"
I think I can explain. In Buddhism, you have to understand if he didn’t the last into the pizza, but from where I stand it simply is. I hope that helps.
The Buddhist Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: "make me one with everything."
The monk pays with a twenty, which the vendor pockets.
"Where's my change?"
"Change comes from within."
I felt a bit sympathetic to Buddhism up to the point when I actually visited a Buddhist temple and listened to the speeches of monks.
The amount of brain rot disguised as wisdom has made me feel Christianity ain't that bad after all.
Sorry in advance to any Buddhist out there, but it struck me how the common perception of it differs from the actual thing.
As a Buddhist it definitely varies like any religion. There are some bozo temples out there
Must be true indeed
That's like saying, "I used to be a fan of pizza until I had one in Altoona, PA."
There's better pizza out there.
Late to the party, and no offence to buddhism, but i always loved this quote from Terry Pratchett
“Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?"
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: "A fish!"
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.” ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
(copies the quote from https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/46982-thief-of-time?page=2 but i'm rather sure its correct, so i didn't check my copy).
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
