Swede here. Taking care of your family means being an active parent and a sharing partner.

I took 18 months paternity leave with our firstborn so my partner could finish their degree.

Paternity leave saved my life when I was a young father with an ill wife. Take as much time as you can.

Also, side note, the year I took off of work to care for them when my sons were small (3 and 5) I look back on as one of the best decisions I ever made. Despite the fact we were flirting with homelessness, the bonding and memories made a huge impact on them, and now that they're adults, we have an amazing relationship that far surpasses the distant bond I have with my own father.

I'll never have biological children of my own and I'll never get to use that benefit. From a strictly selfish standpoint, it stings a bit that pretty much all my heterosexual friends and coworkers, male and female, get a minimum of 12 - 36 weeks of paid time off that I'll never get.

Having said that, I'm genuinely happy that they get it, I think it's a shame that 12 weeks per child isn't a minimum standard for paternity & maternity leave. In the professional settings I've worked in that offer paternity leave, I've never experienced a coworker complaining or making fun of a man taking paternity leave, nor have I ever heard of a man NOT taking paternity leave when it's offered.

The places I've worked that offer it also usually offer flexible leave, so it's very common for new dads to take 4 - 6 weeks off at birth, and then work a reduced schedule for the remaining time until they're out of leave, after which they return full time. Even some of the moms are doing that as well, basically maximizing the amount of time that at least one parent is on leave and at home with the newborn.

But, outside of professional settings and particularly within conservative/Republican family and acquaintances, typically lower-to-middle class people, they act like paternity leave is ridiculous. My dad laughed out loud a while back when I mentioned I was taking over a new project because my coworker was about to go on paternity leave "What? Are you serious?" In my opinion, "toxic masculinity" aka stupid, ignorant, and useless concepts of overly rigid gender stereotypes is where this type of opinion is rooted. That and probably a good degree of jealousy.

I worked during my mom's last months of life while taking care of her because the company allowed me to fully work from home, no question asked if I was available ok, if I wasn't ok too. And I brag about that. Otherwise I would have taken a sick leave to take care of my mom (which my country allows), but working gave me a good, I don't know how to say, sometimes when I had work and my mom didn't need me I didn't think about the situation and that was nice.

People should make use of their rights, although in my case I found a compromise that, in my opinion, benefited me; but this company gained my loyalty for the time being.

Holy cow, that is a strange concept - I was coming back to add some of the hate you’re getting might be from affordability. Any paternity leave you can get in the US is usually vacation and unpaid. No one can afford much of that. That’s amazing that you still get an income to support taking care of your new child

I think a lot of the pushback can be chalked up to jealousy as well. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, then you can’t afford to take a 15% pay cut. Then of course, you taking leave means that they will have added responsibilities until you get back as well.

But it’s your right, if you can afford it then you absolutely should take it if that’s what you want. You can’t get this time back

I did 6 months for each of my kids and it was great.

Its amazing. Especially if you take it when mom goes back to work. That's your time to figure out how to be a parent. Not what works for mom or grandparents. Your thing between dad and baby. I figured out I had to take walks around the block to get baby to nap. I think of that sometimes now when she's big. Also: if they give you shit: say - "I just don't get why you wouldn't want to spend more time with your kids."

I’m a dad of two, and in my country (Norway) it’s mostly common to divide the leave. With my first, I had 9 months of paternity leave, 6 months with my youngest. The two best periods of my life!

I'm pretty sure there is enough research that supports the idea of paternity leave increasing parental involvement and connection with your child and leading to more gender equality/more balanced responsibilities in families.

My husband and I went the very conservative route with him being off for 2 months and me being off for 3 years (German classic). Let me tell you I would have not survived the newborn stage, having no help from outside, without him. At the same time, for him it was so hard - although I am not sure that work was easier, he after all still came home to a little baby. Parental leave doesn't mean you get to chill, it means you have no excuse for not doing half of the night shift, half of everything except breast feeding. When he went back to work, he would do the night shifts on the weekends, and I would do all the night shifts on workdays.

Your co-workers are morons. They miss out on helping their baby mamas, connecting with their kids, and going through a unique experience. Even if your pay was much lower, it's worth it. It's hard and stressful and awful and it is the best thing you'll ever do.

My thoughts:

We have it at my work (just called paid parental leave) and the guys seem to really consider it a benefit, they take it. Like you. Nobody has ever said anything but Congratulations. This is in Florida. You ARE supporting your family. I got 0 weeks paid when I gave birth, I'm really happy this is starting to change. Parenting is valuable work.

I've just lost someone in my team for 4 months due to paternity leave. As far as I'm aware on full pay too.

I'm happy he gets to take it, you guys in the US have it rough with workers rights. I'd say take the maximum you can and enjoy the time, we're not put on this earth to generate profit.

Be the change you want to see and make sure you brag to everyone about how great it is when you get back, maybe they'll start to think differently.

Here in Ireland I got a meagre 2 weeks (but took an additional 2 weeks unpaid!)

We took the first 10 months together and then I took an additional 8 months while she got back to work.

Literally zero regret. There's so many small moments you'll miss not being around. No amount of money can bring that back. Now that I'm working full time, it fucking hurts just seeing the kid basically just for dinner and bedtime during the week.

Spending the first 2 month of my child's life with them was one of the best things in my life.

I'm currently on paternity leave. Took 8 weeks broken into two chunks. 5 weeks when baby was born and 3 when my wife's 12 weeks ended. I couldn't imagine taking a few days and diving back into work. Both my wife and I work demanding jobs - I'm not sure I'd feel the same bond with my son if I didn't have this time... I also wouldn't have the same appreciation for how challenging it can be to be solo with the kiddo. It's pretty much a full time job to feed, change, and tend to the little guy. He's fighting to be a never napper and wakes up after 20-30 mins in his bassinet. Only gets longer naps if on my lap, which pretty much locks me down in whatever chair were in when he falls asleep (I know I can't do contact naps forever and need to get him used to falling asleep on his own).

All that to say... I think all dad's should get paternity leave. 5 weeks is fine. 8 is good. 12 is perfect.

You are absolutely right! 85% is nice money and especially in the first months it's super important to spend time with your new born and to support the mother.

And for all those fuckers who think that you "aren't working" in this time... Well, get a child and take care of it. It's way harder than you think. You will see, it's gonna be a hard but also rewarding time. My second daughter is now 3 months... And boy, to see everything that is happening within 3 months. It's unbelievable and makes me so happy.

You're on the right path.

Yeah probably as always only a matter of perspective. Don't listen to other men, just do what feels right for yourself.

I took a solid 9 months paternity leave with my son, and I think we just built the best base for a father son relationship I could ever imagine or hope to have. I know they don't seem like it as a baby, but you are building your foundation already.

This was 3 years ago and I still feel the outcome of it every day.

Go for it , be yourself, don't listen to others.

Fuuuuck that. There's a reason it's offered. You get once in your life to see your newborns like that. Fuck your coworkers, take the time.

And this is coming from someone who is child free and really doesn't enjoy kids personally. Take the time, be with your family. Jobs come and go but your family is who matters. Start talking the other way. "I want to make sure I absorb this while I can, I can't imagine missing these moments" and "this will only happen once or twice in my life, how could I miss that?".

I scheduled two weeks off for the birth of my first child. Not paternity leave, just vacation time. My wife became a SAHM a few months before. I was bored and went back to work after 1 week. I couldn't imagine 12 weeks.

The kid is just not doing that much. Feed, poop, change, sleep. And the child doesn't recognize you at that stage. It's all stimulus response. If he was crying and I picked him up, he didn't care. I got zero emotional reward for the interaction with the child. Emotional bonding all happened around 3 months old and beyond. Before that the benefit was more in the shared experience with my wife of learning how to take care of a newborn. But really, it's not that hard, and after one week it was old hat.

In my work environment (in the US), people have roughly this much paternity leave, and it is taken for granted that they will take it because this is viewed as important even if their absence during this time inconveniences the rest of us. They often split it up, though, instead of taking it in a single contiguous chunk.

I took it, no way I'd miss spending quality time with our newborn and be there for my wife.

The employer has some heads up that it's coming too, so they can adjust the workload for something that occurs maybe once or twice in an employee's lifetime.

But then I live in Quebec, Canada and the father can take 5 weeks and the mother can take a year. (The father can take more, but they're swapped of the mother's year).

heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”

Very cringe and capitalist boot-licking mindset

Let me introduce you to a new concept: 躺平

Chinese people are actually so based and is already resisting their State-Capitalist CCP tyranny

We should learn a thing or two

😎

To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay

You get paid?

OF COURSE FUCKING TAKE IT. I'd even take it unpaid, GETTING PAID IS LIKE A CHERRY ON TOP. TAKE IT 😎

Those guys are going to be “blindsided” by divorce because they’re such “nice guys”….all of the other dudes they constantly spend all of their time trying to impress tell them so

I think it’s an important time and should be available to any working American without exception. When my first child was born, I remember asking HR about paternity leave and their deadpan response was “how many vacation days do you have?” Disgusting.

That is an absolute no-brainer. Pay aside, take care of family.

That's the whole purpose of the pay anyhow, money is just an odd totem that we allow to take care of our families.

Plus, you get to hang out with the little one for 3 months! Your wife loves you even better. It's wins all the way down.

Like mat leave I don’t really think about it, to me it’s just assumed

Aside from the obvious fact that you should ne there for your partner and child, paternity leave is both economically sound for your employer and the economy as a whole.

It will mean a healthier child with better relationships to his parents. This will improve his/her performance in school, reduce the likelyhood of problematic behaviour requiring interventions and later the likelyhood of criminal activity.

So your child will likely be a more productive and reliable grown up eventually and you will have less stress as parents, which also improves your productivity.

Oregon has this and it was amazing to take 12 weeks of paternity. We can also split it up, so I did part time for like 30 weeks. Kept us from needing to find childcare until she was almost 1.

Fuck your coworkers opinions. Even the 12 weeks I got is nothing compared to my Norwegian coworkers.