I was there once. I took on some debt to get a flat and a motorcycle. You know, because a lot of people die when riding a motorcycle. I found the joy again; then I learned to cook really good and gained 80 pounds. If I don’t spend too much money on useless shit I’ll be debt free this year, and if I stick to the diet I’ve been on this past month I’ll be back to my old weight too.

Sometimes life just sucks. Be honest about it to your friends and family, and seek professional help if you start getting these thoughts.

This hits too hard right now... Very hard, because its true.. And im almost 40

The truck never comes...

I feel the same, but feel that my family just cares about what I produce. When I tried to make my needs and pain known, I was met with vitriol every time, so I just don't engage beyond empty platitudes.

For that reason, I just give them pleasantries, focus on myself and live for today. They've shown they don't care either way so everyone wins.

I'm guessing they'll hate me when I do die and they realize I stopped preparing material assistance via life insurance and savings after I've died. I spend what I make now on what gives me pleasure 🤷

This is way too relatable, I wouldn't personally hurt myself but I would absolutely not do anything to prevent my death

And then thoughts like "they are better off without me" and "they care about me only because they pity me" start to kick in...

btw get help ASAP, the longer you wait the harder it will be to fix shit