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submitted 1 month ago by spujb@lemmy.cafe to c/196

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I don’t think the person on the left’s a transphobe, but I also don’t think they understand the scale of the harassment trans people face on a daily basis. Like it’s so bad the users would rather just have potential trolls ignored and downvoted than to see well meaning cis people come in and do vigilante justice using the same tactics of abuse trans people go through every day.

That empathetic disconnect looks like transphobia to some users. I don’t know that the users are right, but I understand how you reached that conclusion, especially with the person on the left’s days-long soapbox crashout about how despotic Ada is.

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[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 56 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I honestly don't understand the whole problem from anyone. I hit the block button after 1 post, and I'm just shaking my head every time. I did the same for the person who insists on having their pronouns capitalized or something (and I'm reasonably sure it's the same person, but eh, block and move on).

It costs you nothing, it takes basically no time at all, and it makes your life and everyone else's experience better. Like blocking .ml

[-] Idreamofcheesy@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

I annoyed myself for ten minutes reading their posts, realized they were a teenager looking for attention, and blocked.

Boom, no problems.

[-] TotallynotJessica 8 points 1 month ago

I didn't block anyone, yet the discussion has been the most annoying thing for me. Can we just move on?

[-] Deme@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 month ago

I may be out of the loop:

What's up with .ml?

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago

Lemmy.ml is the marxist-lenninist instance. It's VERY marxist-lenninist

[-] festnt@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago

oh so thats what the .ml means

[-] Stovetop@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

I mean technically .ml means the country of Mali, and they've been pushing to take their TLD back for a little bit now.

[-] Baguette@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago

Which is partially because of the surge in ai. All these startup companies wants to be associated with .ml (machine learning) and drives up the demand for these domains. If Mali gets it back, it could net a good amount of money.

[-] megopie 6 points 1 month ago

There are a lot of people on it with very strong opinions that fall well outside the norm. From my experience, most of what goes on there is pretty innocuous, occasionally I’ll see something on the all page from there that makes me raise an eyebrow in disbelief, but like, not often enough to be a serious bother for me TBH.

[-] cccc0@sh.itjust.works 45 points 1 month ago

The more people passionately post about drama on a meme page, the less I care about it.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 14 points 1 month ago

this is a symptom of you caring more about the memes than the community, and that’s fine. :) its good to be aware of your opinions on things /gen

[+] LMagicalus@discuss.tchncs.de 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

[deleted]

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 13 points 1 month ago

thank you. it’s utterly obscene how people will see awful actions like drag’s, and instead of combating the actions drag has done, just fight for their right to misgender and abuse.

i encourage everyone who sees these behaviors, from anyone, to bring them forward to mods immediately.

[-] Kit 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Here's the suicide comment for anyone curious, on a post where a user was in a mental health crisis and contemplating suicide.

Removed Comment If you're planning on [censored] yourself, go buy a [censored] and take a red hat with you. Drag is serious. Get out if you can. Move to another country. But if you're actually hopeless, and there's nothing anyone can say to dissuade you... Then make it count. by Dragon Rider (drag) @lemmy.nz reason: Advocating violence, encouraging suicide

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 6 points 1 month ago

actually disturbing, i didn’t know the context was this dire too :(

consider putting this in a content warning spoiler? i don’t want you getting whacked for reposting harmful content 🫶

::: spoiler CW: banned comment encouraging suicide

[-] Kit 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Good idea. Couldn't figure out the formatting on mobile but I censored the disturbing parts. I'm sure mods will remove the comment if they deem it unfitting for the community.

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[-] Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Dragonfucker also harassed me on an alt account, made many bad faith accusations towards me, told me to kill myself, even threatened to kill me. Every single comment pinged every one of my accounts. The last one was really scary because they asked Lemmy admins to help track me down so I could be tortured.

I've copied this elsewhere but I also think it's a good idea to share it here as well, see the spoiler below for screenshots of the abusive interactions from this alt (I censored the porn):

CW: Abusive content, threats, suicide encouragement, harassment

A lot of contextual information for these isn't here, to get it the admins of pawb.social and discuss.online would need to be contacted as the content and user accounts associated have been banned.

Edit: I'm so sure this was dragonfucker, I'd bet money on it. The circumstances were way too suspicious.

[-] Deestan@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago

It is nice to see a meme poking fun of and criticizing the "leavers" without twisting and misrepresenting their views.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 13 points 1 month ago

glad to hear you felt this was fair. i had a long conversation with one and so did my best to be as charitable as possible with what i learned.

[-] kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 17 points 1 month ago

hi spujb

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 18 points 1 month ago

hi 😳

[-] kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 12 points 1 month ago

helo im kate

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[-] Sasha 17 points 1 month ago

Leaving the instance or blocking someone isn't transphobic, but not respecting their pronouns is. It's that simple.

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[-] joyjoy@lemm.ee 13 points 1 month ago

"I'm leaving."

doesn't leave

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 12 points 1 month ago

homies this is blahaj, not an airport terminal. no need to announce your departure 😆

[-] joyjoy@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago

However much time you spent on that was time well spent.

[-] Stovetop@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

I didn't realize this was still an ongoing thing. I thought the dragonfucker had been banned after the last sealioning episode.

[-] RedSeries@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

DISCLAIMER: Any "you" used in this comment is the royal "you", not directed at OP but more at those with attitudes like the person being referenced in the meme.

The drama post I saw around this was full of people being upset that their words both caused harm and had consequences. And I personally feel they were being transphobic. Misgendering and disrespecting another person's identity is where my line of transphobia is. If you think (for example) calling Elon something like "Elonia" is a valid take, I know how seriously you'll take my identity when we butt heads

Like OF COURSE you can leave, why should any of us care? OF COURSE you can disrespect someone's identity, just deal with not being allowed in inclusive spaces. OF COURSE you can post that drama like you're the victim, just don't expect to change the minds of those who deal with your shit every day. OF COURSE you're not "transphobic", you're just a cunt. You'd only ever call yourself a transphobe if it were trendy. You have trans people in your life, so you could NEVER be transphobic. 🙄

[-] mke@programming.dev 7 points 1 month ago

Sorry for responding to your serious comment with such a dumb thing, but shouldn't it be queerphobic or something else? I thought transphobia pertained to cases involving trans folk.

Could ask a search engine, but sometimes communities like this have a more nuanced answer.

[-] AlexanderTheDead@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

I'd say anybody who is gender-nonconforming, non-binary, etc, is trans.

They may not always suffer from the same level of transphobia as MtFs or FtMs, but they are no longer identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth. That makes them trans, imo.

[-] mke@programming.dev 4 points 1 month ago

That's surprising. But this feels like a nice way to frame it, if so:

... they are no longer identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth. That makes them trans ...

The other commenter mentioned this might be casting too wide a net, and I lean towards the "abolish gender" team, myself, so I'd be curious to hear what others think about it, especially MtF, FtM and similar(?) people.

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[-] Stovetop@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

I feel like that could be casting too wide a net, though. Gender isn't an on or off, it's a series of gradients with no clear dividers.

For instance, what is considered gender nonconforming? Is it failing to meet the platonic gendered archetype of one's biological sex? I'd be willing to bet more people fall into that camp than not, especially among the cis-queer community.

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[-] RedSeries@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

I don't think that's a dumb thing to ask at all! It might be that queerphobic is a better term. I don't know the best term for the fear or aversion to identities outside of the binary/non-binary that most are accustomed to. I personally tend to put that under the transphobic umbrella.

[-] yuri@pawb.social 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

my ass had to take a day off the internet, shit was tiring.

you’re one of the real ones, spujb

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 month ago

So you can post this meme, but if I post the exact same meme with the speech bubbles reversed it will be removed for "gatekeeping". Do I understand that correctly?

[-] hex@programming.dev 18 points 1 month ago

It makes no sense reversed

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 35 points 1 month ago

“what if the roles were reversed?” -mfs in a situation where the roles are never reversed XD

[-] HEXN3T 21 points 1 month ago

What if YOU were the billionaire!?

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

You literally made a meme calling out a specific user. The meme explains that if you see a user behaving in a way you don't like to just report, ignore, and let the mods handle it instead of issuing vigilante justice.

Would you consider this post ignoring the user you don't like and letting the mods handle things or would it be vigilante justice?

[-] hex@programming.dev 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

This post is humour + commentary. No one was called out.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 12 points 1 month ago

entire drama communities: freak out about a situation for days on end

me: does commentary

self-absorbed mfs: this must be about me, in particular

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago

especially with the person on the left’s days-long soapbox crashout about how despotic Ada is.

This is just generic commentary not directed at any user in particular?

[-] hex@programming.dev 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I'm not aware of the full story, nor am I being told anyone is a terrible person. I guess it's an if-you-know-you-know scenario. I don't think it's villainising anyone.

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 month ago

The OP has recently spent some time arguing with another user. The commentary by the OP is this comment by them except they changed the username to "the person on the left".

Nobody is a terrible person. I just think it's hypocritical to say making posts like this isn't the exact type of behaviour the server admins have requested users not engage in.

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[-] RedSeries@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Which user was called out? I don't see a name in the post.