the rule of patriarchy inflicts all : 196

[-] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 129 points 5 days ago

Ain’t this the truth.

I’m a cis guy who likes to dress feminine around the house, and figured I’d paint my nails sparkly red and green for Christmas. Went into (my very masculine place of) work with them and got a depressing amount of comments asking if I’m gay, or expressing concern that I might be.

My dudes, it’s painted nails. I’m not trying to rail you all. Not least because my standards are far higher.

[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 89 points 5 days ago

And this is also why its called homoPHOBIA. Often these people are literally afraid of gay(or any other queer) people. Nothings scarier than the unknown and especially if all your life theyve told you what horrible acts they perform.

[-] Valmond@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago

And you secretly are a little curious about it.

[-] shani66@ani.social 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Heterosexuality as we know it today isn't really real, so it makes sense. Having sex with other men (topping specifically) was just something that men did before the rise of a certain evil religion. I'm not really a scholar, but it seems to fit to me. If heterosexuality doesn't actually exist and your religion says anything else is evil, you have to demonize sexuality heavily, and That's exactly what happened.

[-] sudneo@lemm.ee 8 points 4 days ago

If you are referring to ancient Greece/Rome as a culture where homosexuality (specifically sex between men) was normalized, that's wrong. What actually was normal was men having sex with male kids, not adults (see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_ancient_Greece). This is clearly something we now consider a complete abomination, obviously, but men did not use to have sex with other adult men (surely there were cases, but it was not a widespread cultural phenomenon like pederasty).

This is also why I don't think it makes sense to use historical references to help build a moral foundation about what's right and what's wrong. Gay sex is fine because it's consensual adults enjoying and not harming anybody, not because there was some golden age in which this was accepted.

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[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Of course everyones curious and this doesnt mean that everyones queer it just means that its human nature to question things. You may be curious for a while and then find out whether youre queer or not. Nothings better than knowing who you are. These people are extremely lost and thats why you see so many of them actually be gay n stuff but they hide it and hurt people who are the same as them. Of course this is mainly about politicians that are gay but it applies to a lot more fields of life.

[-] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Right on. I peeked at other boys penises when I was very young, got called out one time I remember pretty well. Went on to be straight. Went to college and kissed a guy and made out with a guy. It didn't work for me. I now understand I am very straight, but I'm not a fucking homophobe. I'll tell you when you look good as a man.

One more point- I started to, and couldn't go through with, man man woman threesome when I was young. I just don't find men sexually interesting and everyone enjoying each other is what makes that fun.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 27 points 5 days ago

hell yeah brother 💅

[-] laserm@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago

"bUt NoRmAlCy.." Fuck this stupid, perverse idea of normalcy. People should be free to express themselves (as long as theyre not harming anyone ofc), no matter their gender. The freedom of expression is fundamentally programmed into the human nature and must be respected in a free society.

[-] Wrufieotnak@feddit.org 23 points 5 days ago

That last paragraph sounds exactly like the words that need to be uttered to them.

[-] Hexarei@programming.dev 8 points 4 days ago

Doing those kinds of things at home because they were fun actually led to me realizing I'm genderfluid recently. It's been crazy facing a part of my experience of life that the patriarchal society we live in essentially deprived me of up to this point: knowing how euphoric it feels to let myself want to be pretty and feminine sometimes.

[-] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 5 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Amen to that, broster.

I’m lucky that my wife is enby and a similar size, so was happy for me to try on some of their clothes. Long story short, Vinted has enabled me to build up a small wardrobe of dresses, skirts, and pretty tops that I wear most evenings. It feels nice to feel pretty.

I’m basically Captain Shakespeare.

(Robert De Niro in Stardust, dancing in his dressing room wearing lingerie and a feather boa.)

[-] Hexarei@programming.dev 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

So far I've only got socks, skirts, and hair accessories (hair down to my waist). Definitely been wanting to explore other clothing now that I know myself better.

It sounds like you're having a blast, and it's always fun to hear about how other folks have experimented. Vinted looks neat, If you've got any other tips let me know lol

[-] PugJesus@lemmy.world 85 points 5 days ago

It's a strange feeling, to look back on your life and suddenly see how society has crippled you, knowing how terrible it has been for you, and yet being such an essential part of you, you have neither desire to remove it from yourself nor regret.

Only a desire to stop it from happening to anyone else.

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 28 points 5 days ago

This, right here, is why I'm an extremely vigilant mentor for people in my industry. It will eat you alive and take until there's nothing left. Not letting that happen to anyone.

Same stance on parenting: my kids get to be whoever they want to be, and I'm right there with them. The only thing they can't be is an asshole

[-] JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca 19 points 5 days ago

I wouldn't be able to stand up for others as effectively if I hadn't been at least somewhat hardened by the bullshit and bullying by now.

Unfortunately HTFU is valuable advice in a lot of blue collar spheres. When I give it I typically caveat that it's only a shell, and you have to remember how to take it off.

[-] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

HTFU?

Hulk The Fuck Up? (labor)

Hate The Fucking Users? (IT)

Has Tomorrow's Finality Urged (ADHD)

Have To Finally Unwind (everyone)

Having Tits Fixes U (confused)

Hawk Tuah Feminist Union (strong straight women)

How The Fuck U still awake (me)

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 4 days ago

having tits is fixing me :3

[-] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I'm stealing some of these, but guessing from OP context it's probably Harden The Fuck Up.

Edit: Also, I wanna see a logo for the Hawk Tuah Feminist Union. Like, really badly.

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[-] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

Well fucking said. Shit goddamn.

I'm the devil's favorite son

Thank you, so much love.

[-] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 4 days ago

EVERYONE needs feminism.

I was taking a history class at my local junior college when the professor asked who in the class identified as a feminist. I'm an old white guy in a class full of kids (finally getting a degree) and was one of only 3 people to raise their hands. He explained that he doesn't since he's for equality for all or some such.

I was honestly shocked to see this 30 something guy who at least sounds fairly progressive, and who has been to some legitimately horrifying parts of the world doing conflict journalism, being blase about this fight.

[-] JovialMicrobial@lemm.ee 12 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

We can thank Rush Limbaugh for popularizing the concept of a feminazi and poisoning public perception of feminism by purposefully misrepresenting what it stands for.

It's one of the most obvious examples of people successfully using social engineering and manipulation of public opinion for terrible reasons and it still worked. They didnt even try to hide it.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminazi

[-] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 days ago

Phylis Schlafly. She cosplayed as a frumpy housewife while turning the wheels behind the scenes to help wed the evangelical movement with the GOP. While basically advocating for women to be chained to the stove. She is one of the greatest political operatives of the 20th century, helping slow and undo SO much social progress.

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[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 9 points 4 days ago

one of the self defenses of patriarchy is definitely just to misinform people about whom feminism is for, and so oftentimes that’s one of the first hurdles to overcome when discussing feminism. that’s why conservative spheres are often so obsessed with the “man-hating feminazi” stereotype—even though they make up a incredibly marginal subset of “feminist” voices, giving them a platform creates a useful strawman for conservatives to argue for the need of anti-feminism.

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[-] solomon42069@lemmy.world 65 points 5 days ago

Growing up, I used to cross dress and lip sync my favourite divas for my friends and family. No one seemed to mind that except my parents who flipped out over it ( Catholic ).

Frankly I don't think any child should be ashamed of having a bit of fun. I don't remember thinking "yeah I'm gonna be a girl now" - I was just dressing up to make my sister and cousins laugh... But society loves to project it's ideas onto kids hey!

[-] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I mean arguably even if you did "become a girl," why's that bad?

[-] pythonoob@programming.dev 8 points 4 days ago

Cuz Catholic.

[-] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 42 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

They tried. Oh, sibling, did they try...

And the worst part is that you're fucked either way. If they manage to get you to murder your own soul, you're a husk. If they don't, you're a pariah.

[-] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 16 points 5 days ago

Living life as a pariah isn't so bad, normal people admire when your principles haven't been cynically beat into the dirt

[-] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

And it's not just that, it's the feeling of maintained integrity one has for oneself, it's such an honest and healthy kind of pride to have! I kept hearing the adage that "principles can't keep you fed" over and over while growing up. Even during University, and it was a fucking acting school. But having lived both with and without my principles, I'd rather die starving with my principles intact.

I have no use for the acceptance I'd receive from such fearful, hateful and greedy people. Thanks, but I'd rather love life and its infinite diversity.

I was talking more from the perspective of trying to exist within the patriarchal system, healthy cohabitation is functionally impossible. Even if one tries to walk the edge in between, one will only end up with lacerated feet.

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[-] Elrecoal19@lemm.ee 19 points 5 days ago

Become numb if you do, or become shunned if you don't. And not to talk about bottling emotions and not letting them out healthily... because a bottle can only hold so much stuff until it explodes

[-] Sir_Premiumhengst@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

Yeah. I think Emma Watson has also said sth similar. Feminism is, in some extent, also about people who identify as men to embrace what they perceive as womanly jobs. Being a socially acceptable stay at home dad will earn you a lot of weird looks and snarky comments questioning your sexuality.

And I understand that that's no where close to the shit that women and people beyond the gender binary experience on a daily basis.

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[-] Tobberone@lemm.ee 15 points 5 days ago

As if this is somehow down to "patriarchy"? It takes two to tango! Denying the role of women in the shaping of someone's ability to handle and process emotion is really a disservice to anyone who wants equality between sexes. Blaming others is not the way to change.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 55 points 5 days ago

when feminists use the word “patriarchy” they mean exactly what you describe here. your misconception of the term is what is getting in your way here—there is no blame to any one, only the structure. highly recommended you read more of bell hooks’ work as she does an excellent job of explaining yours and other misconceptions with a focus on accessibility for a male audience :)

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[-] SARGE@startrek.website 42 points 5 days ago

The text: "men make other men feel like shit for having emotions"

This guy: "Wow it's still clearly the women's fault, stop blaming other people"

The jokes just write themselves here.

[-] Saleh@feddit.org 16 points 5 days ago

There is plenty of women who uphold these toxic ideas and reinforce these structures too.

It is wrong to consider "patriarchy" or any other social construct to be the sole responsibility of any one gender, and as long as we are in the blame-game stage, like @Tobberone@lemm.ee still seems to be, it will slow us down.

However i find it important to understand where this could come from. E.g. women, in particular mothers, who have been reinforcing toxic masculinity or femininity could be perceived as the major source for individuals because their mother has been the one reinforcing it. For other people it would be the father or other male figures in their lives, so they consider it to come exclusively from men.

Anectodtically my perception is that there is a problem with showing emotions in front of others in general in western societies, that is reinforcing toxic masculinity, but transcendents "patriarchy" as an issue, as many societies considered more patriarchal allow display of emotions both for women and men more freely.

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[-] kittykittycatboys 31 points 5 days ago

i dont see where it says is just men meows, cuz women can be patriarchal an support patriarchy too, so saying its patriarchal is more about society as a whole, men and women an evryones really

[-] indepndnt@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

I highly recommend reading the rest of the book. bell hooks acknowledges the roles that women play in inflicting the harms on boys and men. Reading that book was the most understood I had ever felt as a cis man who until then didn't really know what feminism was about.