I was looking in the mirror today, and my body shape just brought a big grin to my face. Sometimes it feels too good to be true
@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone mirrors are so good. I was looking in the elevator mirror as I left work tonight and walked out with the biggest grin.
I recently painted my toenails and I think it's one of my first noticeable (probable) euphorias. I did once a couple days ago, but didn't like the color, but then replaced it with a better (but still not not my favorite l, but not far off) and while I don't like how my stupid hobbit feet look, I do like seeing the color on my toes, and love when I remember it throughout the day It's like,
ha ha I have pretty toes and no one knows!
And it's like a fun secret that I have, that makes me feel a little good, when I remember..
Its complicated. I mostly like the color, but my feet ๐คข
Painting my nails was one of those things early on that was an immediate hit for me.
It's been years now and I still feel like you do when I see them after I've forgotten.
I hope you can hold onto it, too~
I get gender euphoria all the time, baby, nothing better than living my life. Most recent I'd say is swimming topless with my friends today, just felt like one of the girls.
First time, I think, is when I was very young and "played Pokemon for my mom". I'd do that alot actually, it just meant I'd play the girl character and not save my game.
My first conscious time was when I was with friends and I bought my first bra, a sports bra, it was great :) I'd wear it to uni under hoodies all the time (spring included).
Thy swimming trip sounds amazing! I only have my dreams. Goddess, I would love a time like that, it sounds so free, especially if it could be in the sea! I love the salt-water, it's so amazing!
I can't imagine buying a sports bra at this time! I love the idea of femme stuff but,.... It's.... Difficult...
It's okay! I've been doing this for years and started in bumfuck nowhere and lemme tell you: nobody cares. Just go grab a medium or so sports bra and check it out, no words needed, nobody will care. Not even those conservative white women with nothing better to do than shop.
I get that. I'm really not far from bumfuck nowhere. It's a safer place, but only a little, and outside its definitely red country. I get that nobody pays attention or cares for the most part, or even assumes it's for someone else. I think it's internalized oppress of multiple flavors. I might want to do something, but there's some fighting going inside, if that makes sense.
Get a trans friend to help you do it then, or just a gender bender friendly friend. Or keep my voice in your head, saying "DO IT NERD!!!!"
I will say, I was looking at my getting too long nails thinking about how to deal with them and then thought "Nah that's too obviously feminine too quick, and I'm not ready for questions or comments" and then I heard "DO IT NERD!!!!" ๐คฃ
So thanks for the laugh at least
I did acrylic nails for the first time, and I can barely stop looking at my hands! It's amazing how much more feminine they look with just a little extra length
I had not really considered the length aspect. I haven't been brave enough for my fingers yet, but have let them grow out and slightly shaped and I do love clicking them on things now. Still feel like I have short fat fingers though. Maybe working out is making them thicker?
Honestly, that's probably just your self perception. I always think my hands look masculine, but none of my cis female friends think so. We are often our own biggest critics.
My hair lately has been so soft and its gotten so long. Today I blow dried it and the way it frames my face is amazing and makes me feel very euphoric. I also have been practicing with my voice a lot lately and getting gendered correctly on the phone has been very euphoric and encouraging. I really feel like I've made good progress with my voice over the last couple months, when this time a year ago I thought I might never successfully voice train.
My earliest memories of gender euphoria had to do with my hair and clothing. I had never heard of trans people and had no idea what I was feeling. I even crossdressed in middle school just because I wanted to, but I had no idea why I felt really happy when I did it or why it made me feel gross when people gendered me as a boy.
I don't remember really hearing about trans until maybe within the last 10 years. I sometimes wonder if things would've been different if I had heard about it when I was younger. I still grew up in a very, let's say strict,environment. So, who knows.
I mean, same? If I hadn't moved out of the bible belt ten ears ago... If my kids hadn't came out to me years ago... Well, I'd still be more miserable than I am now.
I can recognize the dysphoria and try to fight it instead of thinking I'm an ugly guy. I'm starting to recognize why I hate my body, and am slowly fighting back to find who I am, one shaved hair, one shirt, one necklace, one technique at at time.
Let's face it, we grew up in a time when trans people were ridiculed at best. Mrs Doubtfire, Ace Ventura. Thank god for the information age, that we can talk like this with complete strangers, and share ideas and positivity and support and love.
I knew about trans folk when I was a teenager (in the late 80s and early 90s). I knew I "should have been born a girl" even longer than that.
I still didn't let myself accept that I'm trans until 2017, and that was only when a work mate transitioned and showed me that it really is something I can do too.
Having the information helps, but it's only part of story. The environment we're raised in and have to survive in is also part of the story. Sometimes we lie to ourselves because that's the only way to get through
What little I remember when I was younger was that there were "transexuals" but it was always portrayed like a crazy sex/fetish thing.
Yeah, that's how I knew about trans folk. That stigma and hate is a large part of why it took me so long to accept something I always knew to be true
Yeah.. I think that's slowing down my progress in figuring shit out. There's so much shit that got internalized that I haven't been aware of til now.
The first big bolt of euphoria I had was when I was still questioning and a prof in an online class said something like "ah, TerminalEncounter yes, she has a really good question everyone" and I rode that high for like 3 days lol
Hearing my mom use my chosen name the first time was nice ๐
More recently euphoria is smaller but it's more everyday which is nice, waking up and being a woman is a nice feeling. The other day I looked in the mirror and was like when the fuck did I get so curvy how did I not notice.
I didn't know that it was euphoria but doing drag way before cracking my egg and getting called she, girl, etc for the first time looking back was pretty euphoric.
I had that when I was earlier in the questioning phase!
I was walking into a place behind another woman, and the lady at the door greeted us and then noticed who i was(she knows me) and said "I almost said 'come in ladies' " and it kind of hit me, less in a funny way, kind of like, "huh, that wouldn't have totally felt wrong"
Getting to wake up and pick earrings and a dress is really nice. My first decade and a half or so of gender euphoria was mistook for "that weird kink I can't seem to shake," a.k.a. crossdressing. I think I built a wardrobe of embarrassing crappy Amazon stuff that didn't fit 3 or 4 times and threw it all out when summer came around and I was all "I can just be a normal guy". Lol. Can't count the number of therapist I asked to help me stop but it always came back. The "kink" was actually gender euphoria in disguise. It was one of those slap your forehead "doh" moments when I was sitting around in a dress and just feeling right. Looked at my partner and said "I think I might be trans..." to which they replied "fucking finally!"
That last line is hilarious ๐
This sounds so much like my early days. I used to purge all my clothes and makeup and all that and try to be normal. Never worked and I threw away or burned some amazing outfits. So regret it now but ya. Took me way too long to admit it was gender issues not a kink.
I've just recently got on progesterone, looking in the mirror has been very nice :3
That sounds very nice!
I get euphoric when I find new ways to tie/twist my hair.
I had some pretty thinning hair and had a receding hairline (I guess? At the corners, not all the way across). I started some minoxidil and seriously considering a derma roller.
I really hoping to try this out some day. I like my hair color and am excited (assuming it gets less thin) to see how it looks long.
I'm also somewhat interested in trying to dye it like that cartoon trans girl you see here sometimes with the trans flag colored hair.
I finally found it! This is the one it's from that site, but it's all I could find.
Looks good. I know a person or two whondied their hair in trans/pride colours. It's a neat idea. But you should know that eventually the colour will go out due to UV-light etc.
Yeah I think I would opt for some short term dye if I could.
Well, my first senses of euphoria was shaving, removing that dysphoria. And wearing women's clothes. Not being wolfman any more and just being a normal person was exhilarating.
Recent euphoria? I paid for a women's ticket to an event. Felt anxiety, and messaged the event coordinator about the whole "I've been out for like a month and not very passing, and social anxiety cuz familial rejection."
They said, ya, women's ticket was right and 'grats on coming out. So that felt really nice, and I have an actual adult party/event to go to for the first time that isn't work related?! Not some kids birthday party?! I'm excited, scared, and scared I'm gonna fuck this up by being too introverted. I know you get out what you put into these kinda things. The first hurdle is out of the way, and I'm in the door, at least.
Gender fluid, so it really does depend on how I'm feeling at the time. But I've had two experiences, as a bio female.
First was telling my parents, them both being supportive and my mom surprising me with men's shirts and vests so I can dress like a guy easier when I want to.
Second was my openly bi boyfriend saying "are you kidding?? You're a guy and a girl! I won the lottery!" When I sat town to talk to him about it. He's also super accepting of me being the male and the top, if you get my gyst. Its oddly affirming for the both of us considering he hasn't had the best time being accepted as a bi man.
That's fucking awesome! I'm so happy for you!
I went swimming again this summer for the first time in years. It was great. Finally comfortable enough to do that kind of stuff again.
~~When pretty much no one can see~~
my hair got long enough recently to tie it up! it's probably super silly but just being able to do that feels great!
I won't call that silly. I recently, unexpectedly, unknowingly stopped biting and picking at my nails (probably due to finally getting the right anxiety/depression meds) and was just like "huh, I haven't ripped my nails off in the last week or so, let's see how this goes" and now they're getting past my fingertips but the last week or so I found out I can tap them and that feels so small, but so nice. I like that they're getting longer. And I have a new built in fidget toy I guess.
Definitely feels more silly to me than hair. I'm a long way off there ๐ฎโ๐จ
Plz ignore, soaking in the good vibes
edit: I actually do have something. A few days ago I decided to wear all my pretty color clothes and I walked around campus feeling nice. Its not much at all, but it felt nice to be close to what I want to be.
first one is when I was able to shave entirely, the morning after I realized, and painted my nails with my sister's nail polish, and went to school. I had also tried a long beard (I almost throw up thinking about it omg) and I didn't realize how much I hated it until I erased that sucker. It was one of the scariest days of my life, but it felt so fucking good. It was dulled by some other stuff but I want that feeling again. I haven't been that brave in a while.
Geez, I've been thinking of shaving my beard. I'm afraid of what's underneath, but also don't want to prompts the questions of "you've had it for X years, why did you shave?"
But now, I'm wondering if it would make me happy to see it gone!
You can always justify it with your curiosity: "I just wanted to see what it was like. It'll grow back". This can work on others, but also yourself. A d it's not even a lie.
So, I found a great transgirl to cut my hair on Strandsfortrans website. It was so amazing and might have found a new friend as well. The best part was the next day as I'm pulling it up and making a side part I totally got a euphoria bone. I'm on spiro so that takes some doing. Got so silly just playing with my new pretty hair. I've taken more selfies in the last week than like the last two years combined. Girly haircut was so affirming.
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