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submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by Blazingtransfem98@discuss.online to c/yepowertrippinbastards@lemmy.dbzer0.com

Was banned from !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone for calling out a Mod's misuse of the Egg prime directive to criticize trans people for helping out trans women in denial of their trans-ness. They're denying the validity of signs of being transgender, what the actual fuck, this shit is not okay. Then after banning me that dipshit locks the post so no one else can reply on it. How is this not power-tripping?

Modlog history for my account: https://discuss.online/modlog?userId=11993717

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[-] Sasha 53 points 7 months ago

YDI

If someone acted like this towards me, told me I absolutely had to be trans, I would have stayed in that egg way fucking longer. You don't get to decide someone is trans anymore than a mod does, the only person who can decide is the person themselves.

You're being hostile in what should be a friendly and welcoming space, the mod did a good thing here and you probably need to spend some time reflecting on your actions.

[-] Blazingtransfem98@discuss.online 4 points 7 months ago

I apologize for being angry and losing my cool, but come on, that mod shouldn't even be a mod there, he's a femboy, not trans. Why should he be allowed to sit there and deny the signs of being trans to other trans women then lock the post after silencing me so no one can criticize him anymore. Am I the only one who sees that as wrong?

[-] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

He's a femboy, not trans.

The sub says "and other eggy topics", no? Also from how heated your messages were I'd say a 2 day cool down is fair.
Edit: just saw this was 10 days ago, mb 😓

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[-] NaevaTheRat@vegantheoryclub.org 42 points 7 months ago

As a trans woman who wears jeans and Ts and feels more at home in a machine shop than a stitch and bitch (although stitch and bitches rock) the narrative that feminine coded behaviour is a necessary and/or sufficient condition for being a trans woman is deeply damaging medicalised bullshit.

Don't push people to perform cisness or transness, just let them discover themselves.

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[-] Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 39 points 7 months ago

YDI, your behavior is incredibly hostile and uncalled for. Also WTF? Claiming people can't play the girl characters and have long hair while still being cis? What the hell, that sounds so dumb and outdated, people can like whatever the fuck they want without it having a deeper meaning. Who the Fuck do you think you are to try and argue otherwise?

Also it's a two day ban, take the mod's advice and cool your head, instead of starting more shit.

[-] Blazingtransfem98@discuss.online 2 points 7 months ago

Hey wait a minute, you're that dipshit who misgendered someone and said that Neopronouns aren't valid. You have zero credibility in trans spaces and you should be banned from all of them, go fuck yourself you bigoted piece of shit.

[-] Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 7 months ago

You sound like an alt of @dragonfucker@lemmy.nz. Just further reinforces my opinion that you deserve it that much more.

[-] PugJesus@lemmy.world 32 points 7 months ago

Fuck you, hiding behind the Egg prime directive so you can deny trans people the ability to break out of their eggs, you should be ashamed of yourself whoever made you a mod of a trans friendly space should be ashamed of themselves, you're not even trans you have no right to determine whether we are valid or not. Fuck you hiding behind vague ass ideology. LET TRANS PEOPLE HELP OUT EGGS IN DENIAL! b

Don't deny the validity of the signs of being trans. Do you really think that it's cis for a boy to play as girl characters and like to have long hair and dress feminine. Don't hide behind the egg prime directive either, so many of us aren't given what we need to break out of denial and end up transitioning much later than we should. I could've transitioned 10 years earlier and I would pass much better but I wasn't given the opportunity because the people who would've helped me kept me in denial. Fuck you and people who hide behind this shit to avoid helping trans people. You should be ashamed of yourself

YDI. Bruh, I played as girl characters and liked to have long hair (before I got older and wiser and realized long hair is SUCH a fucking hassle, how did I spend so many years with it?!) and I turned out cis. I played with porcelain dolls, for Christ's sake. Don't reinforce gender stereotypes.

[-] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 7 months ago

Because long hair is worth the hassle 😁

[-] Catoblepas 30 points 7 months ago

YDI, and it's a 2 day ban, chill out.

'Cis boys can't play as girl characters or have long hair or dress feminine' is a gender stereotype. There's no reason cis boys can't do that. Or trans boys for that matter.

You mention in your comment that you could've transitioned earlier if someone just forced you to stop being in denial, but the thing is everyone isn't you with the exact same needs as you had. There are feminine men out there who don't need to be told that actually, they're women and lying to themselves. Some of them may or may not wind up deciding to transition in some way. But that is something for them to decide, not for you to force on them because you have distressing feelings about when you started your own transition.

Everyone needs support to explore their gender and gender expression, no matter what it is. If you'd had that you would have likely accepted your gender and transitioned sooner. It sucks that you didn't have it (I didn't either), but we can't change that now. All you can do is try to make that environment for other people, and telling them that their gender must be this because of x, y, z reason isn't a supportive environment for exploring gender.

[-] Blazingtransfem98@discuss.online 3 points 7 months ago

Lies, I'm still banned even though it's been 2 days:

Question I'm asking is how did he make a permanent ban look like a temporary one in the log 🤔

[-] Catoblepas 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It shows up in the mod log with “expires 1 hour ago” on the blahaj mod log and doesn’t show any additional action, like rebanning you. If you’re still banned on your end you could try reaching out to the egg_irl mods and ask if your ban was changed to a permanent one or if it’s in error (federation is clunky, it very well could be).

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[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 28 points 7 months ago

Gods damn, YDI big time.

You were being a complete asshole. Shit, I'd have banned you permanently, not just temporary. Way over the line of civility.

[-] Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 7 months ago

Couldn't agree more, this shit is toxic as fuck. Really don't get how they're saying the mod is abusive, that mod was probably too nice.

[-] lvxferre@mander.xyz 27 points 7 months ago

Can you all stop downvoting the OP? Please?

OP, you probably already the stuff that I'm going to say; I'll share for the sake of others.

Here's what I believe to be the first part of the comic from the OOP (it seems to have been deleted):

TL;DR of the "Egg Prime Directive": "the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans."


Now here's my take: YDI.

We humans do the same things for different reasons. And we should not be assuming why someone else does it.

That's one of the aspects of the egg prime directive, and the mod is simply acknowledging it - that the only person who perhaps knows why that AMAB kid is playing as a girl character is the kid themself. (Or why the AFAB kid is playing as a boy character.)

The other aspect is that, even if the person happens to be trans, you don't break an egg open from the outside; instead you keep the egg warm and the nest comfy. You don't deny it, but you don't confirm it, you make sure that the person feels loved regardless of their identity.

So no, the egg prime directive is not some "vague ass ideology", as you called it. It has good reasons to exist. Not following it does more harm than good.

Beyond that: yes, you were enforcing gender stereotypes. And yes, you were rude and hostile.

I also think that the 2d "chill your head!" ban was appropriate.

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 9 points 7 months ago

Can you all stop downvoting the OP? Please?

Well, upvote the thread, downvote the comments.

[-] Blazingtransfem98@discuss.online 3 points 7 months ago

That mod was denying the validity of the signs of being trans, and they're not even trans themselves. Does it really seem appropriate to take advice from a cis person about what it really means to be trans?

I know that I reacted strongly but the fact is they really should not be a mod there, they're hiding behind the Egg prime directive to deny the experiences of real trans women because they think our stories about coming out are forcing gender stereotypes.

Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didn't see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?

[-] lvxferre@mander.xyz 22 points 7 months ago

Please, don't misgender the mod. They identify as agender, not cis. This should be respected, even if you disagree with them.

The "core" of the advice comes from someone who's trans, Cassie LaBelle. The mod just applied it to this specific case.

And even if the mod wasn't from another group of people who, just like you, are also marginalised because of their gender (or lack of)... well, what matters is what is said, not who says it.

I'm cis, mind you. I'm talking about this here because it's how this comm works: you share something, then others say if they think that you, the mod, both, or neither are right. (And because I have trans friends who often talk about stuff, I hope I can relay their views a wee bit.)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but from your comments it seems that people were actively denying that you were trans, for a long time. What the mod is doing is something else entirely; they are not saying "your experience as a trans woman is invalid!", they're saying "everyone has different experiences". What was a sign for you might not be for someone else, and vice versa.

Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didn’t see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?

I'd probably do the same - it's a 3m old post, it had lots of activity, but the new activity is being combative.

If they genuinely wanted to silence you the ban wouldn't be just two days.

[-] Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 7 months ago

That person seems like one of those toxic assholes who misgenders people on purpose and is okay with forcing gender stereotypes onto people even if it means misgendering them for what they believe to be some greater good. I think they probably should've gotten a permaban, not a temporary one.

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[-] Luci@lemmy.ca 13 points 6 months ago

Jumping on this too. YDI.

Before I was out, this attitude hurt me tremendously. The egg prime directive needs to be handled with care, or not handled at all. No one tells me how to identity. NO ONE.

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this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2024
23 points (100.0% liked)

Ye Power Trippin' Bastards

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This is a community in the spirit of "Am I The Asshole" where people can post their own bans from lemmy or reddit or whatever and get some feedback from others whether the ban was justified or not.

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