Was banned from !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone for calling out a Mod's misuse of the Egg prime directive to criticize trans people for helping out trans women in denial of their trans-ness. They're denying the validity of signs of being transgender, what the actual fuck, this shit is not okay. Then after banning me that dipshit locks the post so no one else can reply on it. How is this not power-tripping?
Modlog history for my account: https://discuss.online/modlog?userId=11993717
Can you all stop downvoting the OP? Please?
OP, you probably already the stuff that I'm going to say; I'll share for the sake of others.
Here's what I believe to be the first part of the comic from the OOP (it seems to have been deleted):
TL;DR of the "Egg Prime Directive": "the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans."
Now here's my take: YDI.
We humans do the same things for different reasons. And we should not be assuming why someone else does it.
That's one of the aspects of the egg prime directive, and the mod is simply acknowledging it - that the only person who perhaps knows why that AMAB kid is playing as a girl character is the kid themself. (Or why the AFAB kid is playing as a boy character.)
The other aspect is that, even if the person happens to be trans, you don't break an egg open from the outside; instead you keep the egg warm and the nest comfy. You don't deny it, but you don't confirm it, you make sure that the person feels loved regardless of their identity.
So no, the egg prime directive is not some "vague ass ideology", as you called it. It has good reasons to exist. Not following it does more harm than good.
Beyond that: yes, you were enforcing gender stereotypes. And yes, you were rude and hostile.
I also think that the 2d "chill your head!" ban was appropriate.
Can you all stop downvoting the OP? Please?
Well, upvote the thread, downvote the comments.
That mod was denying the validity of the signs of being trans, and they're not even trans themselves. Does it really seem appropriate to take advice from a cis person about what it really means to be trans?
I know that I reacted strongly but the fact is they really should not be a mod there, they're hiding behind the Egg prime directive to deny the experiences of real trans women because they think our stories about coming out are forcing gender stereotypes.
Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didn't see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?
Please, don't misgender the mod. They identify as agender, not cis. This should be respected, even if you disagree with them.
The "core" of the advice comes from someone who's trans, Cassie LaBelle. The mod just applied it to this specific case.
And even if the mod wasn't from another group of people who, just like you, are also marginalised because of their gender (or lack of)... well, what matters is what is said, not who says it.
I'm cis, mind you. I'm talking about this here because it's how this comm works: you share something, then others say if they think that you, the mod, both, or neither are right. (And because I have trans friends who often talk about stuff, I hope I can relay their views a wee bit.)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but from your comments it seems that people were actively denying that you were trans, for a long time. What the mod is doing is something else entirely; they are not saying "your experience as a trans woman is invalid!", they're saying "everyone has different experiences". What was a sign for you might not be for someone else, and vice versa.
Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didnโt see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?
I'd probably do the same - it's a 3m old post, it had lots of activity, but the new activity is being combative.
If they genuinely wanted to silence you the ban wouldn't be just two days.
That person seems like one of those toxic assholes who misgenders people on purpose and is okay with forcing gender stereotypes onto people even if it means misgendering them for what they believe to be some greater good. I think they probably should've gotten a permaban, not a temporary one.
That mod said on more than one occasion that he was a femboy and he's used he/him pronouns to describe himself. I'm not misgendering him just because he chooses to sometimes call himself Agender but almost never really refers to himself that way. If he actually is I'm really confused since most Agender people aren't also femboys.
When people haven't lived the experience they won't have accurate knowledge on the subject of the trans experience, and shouldn't be telling other people whether signs are valid of being trans or not. Signs are valid and can identify someone being trans before they identify it themselves.
Cassie seems to support the idea that many trans people need help, that they are terrible at listening to their inner voice. She even craved it herself. I don't think this helps that mod's cause, if anything it just shows how bad what he's doing is.
That mod is denying the validity of signs off being transgender, and saying they aren't signs. In a community dedicated to breaking out of denial and recognizing that one is trans. I have been invalidated a lot and I've been in fierce denial, people shouldn't have to live through that, they should be helped out.
I also don't think the mod was trying to silence me specifically but any criticism of his words. Maybe he didn't want to call negative attention to himself and get removed as a mod for permanently banning a trans woman from a trans community, he still banned be though, and he locked the post so people can't criticize him for saying those awful invalidating things.
YDI
If someone acted like this towards me, told me I absolutely had to be trans, I would have stayed in that egg way fucking longer. You don't get to decide someone is trans anymore than a mod does, the only person who can decide is the person themselves.
You're being hostile in what should be a friendly and welcoming space, the mod did a good thing here and you probably need to spend some time reflecting on your actions.
I apologize for being angry and losing my cool, but come on, that mod shouldn't even be a mod there, he's a femboy, not trans. Why should he be allowed to sit there and deny the signs of being trans to other trans women then lock the post after silencing me so no one can criticize him anymore. Am I the only one who sees that as wrong?
Gods damn, YDI big time.
You were being a complete asshole. Shit, I'd have banned you permanently, not just temporary. Way over the line of civility.
Couldn't agree more, this shit is toxic as fuck. Really don't get how they're saying the mod is abusive, that mod was probably too nice.
As a trans woman who wears jeans and Ts and feels more at home in a machine shop than a stitch and bitch (although stitch and bitches rock) the narrative that feminine coded behaviour is a necessary and/or sufficient condition for being a trans woman is deeply damaging medicalised bullshit.
Don't push people to perform cisness or transness, just let them discover themselves.
I'm not saying that people need to perform in ways to be trans. I myself am like that I don't act or dress particularly feminine (been denied official care for that as well) I am saying though that for many people these are signs and the mod is denying the validity of signs that people are trans with their statements while hiding behind the egg prime directive.
YDI, your behavior is incredibly hostile and uncalled for. Also WTF? Claiming people can't play the girl characters and have long hair while still being cis? What the hell, that sounds so dumb and outdated, people can like whatever the fuck they want without it having a deeper meaning. Who the Fuck do you think you are to try and argue otherwise?
Also it's a two day ban, take the mod's advice and cool your head, instead of starting more shit.
YDI, and it's a 2 day ban, chill out.
'Cis boys can't play as girl characters or have long hair or dress feminine' is a gender stereotype. There's no reason cis boys can't do that. Or trans boys for that matter.
You mention in your comment that you could've transitioned earlier if someone just forced you to stop being in denial, but the thing is everyone isn't you with the exact same needs as you had. There are feminine men out there who don't need to be told that actually, they're women and lying to themselves. Some of them may or may not wind up deciding to transition in some way. But that is something for them to decide, not for you to force on them because you have distressing feelings about when you started your own transition.
Everyone needs support to explore their gender and gender expression, no matter what it is. If you'd had that you would have likely accepted your gender and transitioned sooner. It sucks that you didn't have it (I didn't either), but we can't change that now. All you can do is try to make that environment for other people, and telling them that their gender must be this because of x, y, z reason isn't a supportive environment for exploring gender.
Fuck you, hiding behind the Egg prime directive so you can deny trans people the ability to break out of their eggs, you should be ashamed of yourself whoever made you a mod of a trans friendly space should be ashamed of themselves, you're not even trans you have no right to determine whether we are valid or not. Fuck you hiding behind vague ass ideology. LET TRANS PEOPLE HELP OUT EGGS IN DENIAL! b
Don't deny the validity of the signs of being trans. Do you really think that it's cis for a boy to play as girl characters and like to have long hair and dress feminine. Don't hide behind the egg prime directive either, so many of us aren't given what we need to break out of denial and end up transitioning much later than we should. I could've transitioned 10 years earlier and I would pass much better but I wasn't given the opportunity because the people who would've helped me kept me in denial. Fuck you and people who hide behind this shit to avoid helping trans people. You should be ashamed of yourself
YDI. Bruh, I played as girl characters and liked to have long hair (before I got older and wiser and realized long hair is SUCH a fucking hassle, how did I spend so many years with it?!) and I turned out cis. I played with porcelain dolls, for Christ's sake. Don't reinforce gender stereotypes.
Because long hair is worth the hassle ๐
Playing girls in videogames is a sign of being trans now? Hello stereotype.
When I played WoW, there were several guys in my guild who played female characters. They were all the most misogynistic gamer chuds I've ever met, who routinely objectified not only their own character but also the IRL cis women who played the game. On that note: almost every IRL cis woman I knew played male characters to avoid the attention from said gamer chuds.
I do get that some people use this as an avenue of gender exploration and maybe some of the people I met were so deep in denial that they hid behind toxic masculinity, but I think most of it was actually just toxic masculinity.
It is :) Most cis boys don't enjoy playing as girls, it's a very eggy thing to do.
Yep, every guy who ever played tomb raider is actually trans.
Did you play it because it was a fun game, or did you play it because you could be a girl in that game? ๐
I'm a cis girl irl, so that's kinda hard to answer
Pro-tip: Cis people really shouldn't be giving pointers when it comes to the trans experience.
You're literally asking for the perspective of cis people who play as the opposing gender in games. You're not discussing the trans experience.
I've played plenty of 3rd person games as male and female. If there's not an option, I did it because it's the game I want to play. If there's an option, such as in an RPG, I sometimes do it because I role play.
I used to do it too to roleplay, and for some people it means nothing, but if you're doing it all the time or regularly, it's more likely that might be a sign... I did it all the time, I even drew pictures of myself as a girl, all the signs were there.
Going out of ones way to Do it every time and drawing yourself is an order of magnitude more significant.
Exactly and that's the context of the situation in the original post I commented in, and the connection that mod was trying to deny.
Well, I think that someone who fundamentally doesn't understand why eggs are called eggs shouldn't be giving pointers either. I think that people in general shouldn't be in the business of telling others what to think and feel. But that's just me.
Or maybe we want to stare at a female ass while playing a third person game.
To quote: "If I'm looking at an ass for hours, it'd better be a nice one"
Smaller hit-boxes too? ๐
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that YDI retroactively for posting such a low-resolution screenshot. -_-
But also y'all, isn't it kinda weird to downvote YDI posts? It's not like they don't belong in this community.
I guess it makes sense considering there was absolutely no abuse of power going on?
This is an "Am I the Asshole?" style community, though. When an asshole posts, you're not supposed to downvote them, because they're specifically being invited to post and receive criticism. Downvotes just bury their posts and defeat the purpose of the community.
Huh, this is the first time I'm looking at the sidebar and seeing that detail. From the name I always just assumed it was a sub to call out mods for abuse of power.
I keep telling people that
I'm sorry I don't have a nicer laptop with a higher res screen so I can take bigger screenshots. Maybe I should dip into my savings and buy one instead of saving up to get bottom surgery. It's no one else's problem that I have a penis after all. That was sarcasm, I'm not doing that at all, get used to low-res screenshots because I'm not buying a better laptop unless this one dies or I have a vagina (probably won't for a while afterwards bc I'll be in debt).
Well now I'm immensely curious about the specs of your machine. A circa-2011 smartphone has more pixels than that in both directions.
Wait how small do you think the screenshot I took is, are you looking at the thumbnail as the full size? If you are then it makes sense for you to complain about my screen size but this screen is about 1080p (maybe not exactly) and the screenshot is only slightly cropped to remove excess junk from it like my window borders and the extra modlog entries, so if people complain about that I have the right to be at least a little bit snarky.
Ah, looks like it's some weirdness between lemmy and piefed. When viewing the post on lemmy, clicking the thumbnail shows the full-resolution image in the body, just scaled down by the browser. Clicking on that or doing right click->view image shows the original full-size image.
On piefed, there's an image preview in the body instead of a thumbnail, and a link to the full-resolution image. Clicking on the preview or doing view image normally shows the whole thing, but on this post it gets you this image, which is larger than the lemmy thumbnail but smaller than the full-resolution image.
Ok, that's good, I thought you were one of those resolution snobs complaining that my screen isn't one of those fancy 4K laptop screens, but I guess in this case it was just an honest misunderstanding.
I upvoted.
This is a community in the spirit of "Am I The Asshole" where people can post their own bans from lemmy or reddit or whatever and get some feedback from others whether the ban was justified or not.
Sometimes one just wants to be able to challenge the arguments some mod made and this could be the place for that.
Expect to receive feedback about your posts, they might even be negative.
Make sure you follow this instance's code of conduct. In other words we won't allow bellyaching about being sanctioned for hate speech or bigotry.
Some acronyms you might see.
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