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“I don’t want to sleep with you.”
is often
“I don’t want you to exist.”
Sometimes it’s “I want to sleep with you, but I don’t want to want to sleep with you.”
Or "I want to sleep with you but I'd rather you die than have anyone find out."
Well there isn't an inherent connection between those two ideas. So I take it you're looking for reasons to be suspicious
The point of the meme isn't about whether you personally would want to sleep with someone who is trans, and whether that makes you a good person or not, its about how the first, second, and last thing a lot of people think about wrt trans people is whether they are fuckable or not. Its not good to objectify people, if you do it is transphobic/sexist/racist/whatever dehumanizing. But if you see trans people as people, and respect their gender, their right to express themselves openly even if you aren't sexually attracted to them, then this meme will never be a problem for you. And if you feel personally attacked by this meme, try and figure out why, because it's probably not about you. Don't be a creep isn't that complicated, folks
NGL im super into tomboys and genderfluid people. But the idea of having sex with someone who has a penis is off-putting to me. Idk
That just means you have a sexual preference lol
Lucky for you, some trans people who are AMAB get surgery to change that penis into a vagina or something else. There are also plenty of gender fluid or nonbinary trans people who are AFAB and don't have or want a penis.
However, maybe get to know someone first and decide if you are attracted to them as a person before reducing them to their genitals. There are a lot of ways to have sex with trans people, and if you're into them, they're into you and they happen to have a penis, I'm sure you two can figure something out.
Yeah I'm not saying I dont want to have sex with AMAB people, quite the contrary. And having an emotional connection is super important to me anyways. I just don't think I could figure something out I'd actually be happy with when my partner still has a penis. And I'm not sure if this is wrong, but I don't have a lot of time or energy to meet many people, so I prefer kinda pre filtering people to figure out whether its worth it to get to know them. Kinda the way most people just filter by male/female, I guess.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having preferences. As long as you don't fetishize or objectify, and you treat people with dignity and respect it's all chill.
Yeah I definitely treat everyone with respect and try to avoid fetishizing. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not trying to find someone with certain features, but I guess that's really just having a preference. I'm not opposed to the idea of dating someone who doesn't have all those features. My preferences are mostly about personality anyways though.
You seem like a good and reasonable person, and I'm glad you're aware of your feelings and not reacting super negatively towards the existence of trans people over them. I'd recommend thinking through this a bit more sometime.
Sure, most people are only into men or women, but most people don't start off getting to know someone before sex is on the table with a "by the way, what genitals do you have?" That feels reductive and is a major red flag to most trans people. It's similar to how chasers who pursue trans women with a penis as a fetish. We're so much more than our genitals.
In case you ever end up in sex talks with someone who either at that moment comes out as trans or mentions what genitals they have, handle that conversation delicately. Many of us and don't want the genitals we have but surgery is too expensive, but we also don't want to have sex with someone agonizing over our genitals or don't want that part interacted with at all if we do. This is also why many trans people date within the trans community to alleviate these kinds of issues.
Yeah that definitely makes sense to me. Thanks for your explanation. Being perfectly honest, I've never dated a trans person, I just kinda suck at dating in general. It's something I'm working on in therapy and I'll keep your advice in mind for whenever it becomes relevant.
Exactly - if you don't want to date a trans person don't. If someone conceals it, that's not an issue with them being trans, that's an issue with them being dishonest. It's ok to dislike dishonest people.
I've heard of people who have complained about trans people showing up in their dating feed, mixed in with the cis population, being labelled as "transphobes" and harassed, but good to know that we've overcome that.
Isn't the idea of the dating feed that you can choose whom to date and whom to ignore?
Partly. A feed is typically a set of rules showing you only your interests and filtering out everything else, and within this subset you then go about choosing.
Ideally we would not only have "women\men\bi" categories, but also "orthodox (cis only)\regular(mixed)\frisky(trans only)" categories. Otherwise, we might run into the problems which Saltesc describes, now that being trans is becoming more commonplace.
There needs to be space for everybody (or "everybody whom I don't mind" depending on who you ask, sad lol), but while choices always have some consequences, we need to be careful that our freedom of choice doesn't become another's choice of freedom. I think trans people are (sadly) very well acquainted with this.
Calling the trans-only category "frisky" is certainly a choice. Let's keep it to "all/non-cis/non-trans" and we can avoid cisnormative language altogether.
You're perfectly entitled to not want to have sex with anyone based on any criteria you choose. Your body, your choice.
You are not entitled to filter transgender wo/men out of a "wo/men" category, as to do so fundamentally implies that they are not wo/men.
Now, if we're talking about allowing people using dating apps to filter based on finer grained criteria, I'm all on board. If you choose to match with women, then trans women and cis women should all be captured by that filter. But if they add the ability to filter down to "women AND afab people" where all criteria must be met, then you can have your desired category.
But if we are going to do that, then I'd ask to also have a category to filter out people who have filtered out transgender people, because as a transgender person that's obviously not gonna work. And many non-trans queer folk may want to also filter out people who filter out trans people, since queer folk tend to have a much more open approach to gender in dating in my experience and that's not so compatible with someone who doesn't.
Buuuuuuut... Dating apps don't care about letting users filter down to such a granular level, because a large portion of their business model relies on people swiping for ages to find people that meet their criteria (or! Buy our premium package and unlock better filters! Which won't work very well because people haven't filled their profiles in to that degree!). So you're probably stuck with trans folk in your feed, and they're stuck with you. Lose lose.
Also, no human being is obligated to share what their assigned gender at birth was with any dating app. So even if we had these filters, a bunch of cis folk are probably just going to mark themselves as their gender, and a bunch of trans folk are gonna do the same(especially as outing yourself as trans can be horrendously dangerous in some situations), and neither will mark down their assigned gender at birth. And then the "assigned gender at birth" filter is gonna be somewhat worthless to the people who want to use it.
So maybe the best option is just to keep swiping past people who you think are unattractive (which might include some trans people).
Weird how they feel the need to announce it instead of just having it. Almost like announcing it serves a social function, and it is obvious if you frame the same phenomenon through another bias:
"I only sleep with blond haired blue eyed white women"
Also fuck you have no idea how often I hear something about how trans women are unfuckable after turning a guy down.
I'm a woman so I was never in a situation like this. I have more than few trans friends, including my neaphew god-father (that used to be his god-mother) and the problem with this meme is that the 👍is never the answer the comunity gives. They are indeed always very angry and are usually the first ones to say "transphobic". As I told my friend I think that we should use the word Transphobic with more care since there are a lot of really hateful people in the world that do indeed want to hurt you guys,.
I'm a woman so I was never in a situation like this
The people this meme is about are also women.
But they do have problems like this and this js what I'm talking about. The fact that you jumped head first to the conclusion that I think they are not women is the problem. Give people the benefit of the doubt
"I am a woman so I haven't been in the situation that these women have been in" doesn't make sense. Ypu clearly don't think they are women. Also, you are not the victim here.
You have 99 problems but I'm not one. Friendly tip: maybe look into some therapy
the problem with this meme is that the 👍is never the answer the comunity gives. They are indeed always very angry and are usually the first ones to say "transphobic".
ALWAYS angry? Meaning your friends call you transphobic for not having sex with them? They're NEVER cool with people's preferences? Your friends sound toxic as hell, I've never had that experience with my trans friends.
Not my friend, as I said i don't have this specific proble but this is a trend I have seen in the comunity in general s someone involved in it.
If someone just comes up to someone out of the blue and says they won't have sex with you there's nothing wrong with being angry or telling them to fuck off... I'd do the same if someone came up to me and said that and I'm not trans. The situation in the comic is not about someone's preferences, it's about people who constantly bring up their preference out of the blue for no reason other than to use it as a weapon. You've never experienced that problem, neat, good for you. A lot of trans people do.
[Laughs in pansexual]
this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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