yet public policy and social institutions often prevent them from being the dads they want to be
This is what I struggle with. Anytime I do something in public with my daughter, without my wife, I get awkward looks. It doesn't bring me down or stop me from spending time with my daughter but like...wtf? What would you have me do? Deny my daughter a trip to the park because Mom isn't available to go?
It's getting better each year, as more dads are more involved in their families. Had a conversation at work not too long ago where a gen X guy thought it was weird that a millennial dad wouldn't go to the bar after work because he wanted to spend time with his kid. The gen X guy looked around at the rest of us as if millennial dad was crazy, but he finally realized that he was the odd one out.
I got told off I overcuddle my daughter because I pick her up from kindergarten twice a week (and I drop her off every day).
I can't wrap my head around the logic.
The logic is men who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection threatens their fragile sense of masculinity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a financial provider, which feeds into their fears of what they've missed, so they ridicule and insult as a defense mechanism. Or something.
That would explain the reaction from men but not similar reactions from women, which are even more common in my experience.
The logic is women who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection by men threatens their fragile sense of femininity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a nurturer.
This makes sense and kind of echoes what the other commenter was saying. People have internalized norms/societal expectations and any deviation from it caused dissonance. People really do just look for any way to "other" others.
Can't say I can relate--in my experience, women have been the ones who either think nothing of it or approve more (though it can border on infantalizing). But I've known some women who internalized the mysogyny they grew up in, and anything departing from "traditional" (i.e., toxic) masculinity in men threatens their worldview.
Our worldview is a bit like our gums--forms at an early age, and if we don't regularly "floss" (challenging ourselves with growth and listening to differing perspectives), any challenge causes pain and discomfort. Flossing, like growing a worldview, isn't pleasant at first, but we're much healthier for it.
This is when you wear that WORLD'S BEST DAD T-shirt you got for Father's Day. If you don't have one, go to your daughter right now with a blank tee and some fabric paint, and don't forget to help her hotglue some sequins and jewels!
I'm cracking up at your response because I literally bought myself this shirt out of spite 😂
Cool but needs more sequins
Where in the US are you? I wonder if this is a regional thing.
That makes them PUSSIES!
-Family Values Christ Loving Republicans.
"Children should be neither seen, nor heard"
Ugh, that was all I ever heard from my boomer parents
And the parents then wonder why they never hear from their kids and see them only ocassionally when they grow up.
What I heard from my mom all the time was "I'm not your frined!" and now she wonders why I don't want to hang out or just casually call.
You can always tell a Milford man
I wonder if part of it is because more parents are parents because they chose to be. There are a lot of stories from older people where they became adults because they became parents, creating a lot of resentment.
I spend more time with my kids because I don't want them to live what I went through and it's probably the same for many men.
You are probably right that today, people ask themselves if they want kids, and why or why not. While our parents had more pressure to follow that life style, and our grand-parents had a priest coming to their home to tell them it was time to make another baby.
Is this true? Purely anecdotal, but none of the people I know in my age range had children on purpose. Most of them were an "Oops, guess we should get married then..." and THANKFULLY most of those are good parents and their marriages seem to be working out.
Not that this is a bad thing when it works out anyway.
Anecdotally, my friend groups and family were the opposite. I even know some friends has abortions because they weren't in the right place to have a child.
But if you look at the statistics, parents are having their first child later in life. There are also a lot more childless adults.
Fuck yeah, love my kids.
Hell yeah, maximum parenting 💪 barely saw my dad when I was a kid, always away on business. I work 100% remote since my first kid was born, get to spend all day every day with my kids now, never going back.
I cherish the times when I was off or even unemployed.
These days a family that plays together stays together, or something. (We enjoy both video game and board game time)
3 X 0 is still 0 ಥ_ಥ
THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO SOFT!
and that's okay.
how? we have no money and have to work even more than our parents think they did.
That is just a testament to how little previous generation fathers (on average) spent with their kids.
Yep, I know plenty of boomers and a few genX who literally went from work to the bar, and got home after their kids are asleep.
The bar is so low, Satan is tripping on it.
Good point, in this case both can be true
These are the millennials who can afford to have kids. The rest don't have kids.
Or, a millennial like me with a kid, a mountain of medical debt, student loans in deferment, and nothing saved for emergencies or retirement. We're supposedly middle class, but we feel more like working poor.
Do millennials actually work more hours than their parents did? My dad worked 70 hours a week in a factory when I was growing up (12 hours M-F, 8 hours on Saturdays); Fuck that shit.
I did 10h mostly 1h ot, 1h banked, flex day and sometimes extra hours depending on if enough workers and safety staff were up for it. Also tried triple job at the lowest point. The difference from my dad who did similar hours in work that didn't even require post secondary schooling, is that I don't own a house after mine. I'm back to living with my parents at about an eighth of typical rent, and I guess I'll have a third of a house when they are gone but then I'll have to do more than just chores and tradesman work to keep it.
I really want to read up on some the studies that they were talking about in this article but they didn’t appear to cite any sources. Anyone know where they got the numbers from?
They did have many of them, they just did nothing to make it clear as far as formatting they were there. I accidentally noticed there were links hidden in much of the text.
Roles of Moms and Dads Converge as They Balance Work and Family
The New Dad: The Career-Caregiving Conflict
Dads are often having fun while moms work around the house
I’m the primary breadwinner—and I still shoulder most of the housework
I don't have any kids, and my dad could have done a significantly better job, though less was probably for the best as it was. I'm happy you guys are trying to do better than what many of you experienced growing up. Me and my brother still couldn't tell you why our parents bothered to have kids as they don't seem to have ever really enjoyed having us around very much. So know you play an important role, no matter how things turn out. You don't need to be perfect, just be there.
Well thanks for the help, sure seems like you turned out pretty solid any how didn’t you.
Yeah, it just took a lot longer to figure it out on my own, but I got there! 😅
Of course!
I am on 15 week parental leave as we speak and having the time of my life changing diapers, feeding and playing with the little one.
I didn’t co-create a child to let the misses have all the fun!!!
My dad worked overtime all the time and I barely got to spend any time with him.
If I had kids I'd try my best not to reproduce that.
Weak men make men hard!
Or something..
Hnnng weak mennn
Some good news for once
Can confirm. I'm a millennial, and I get jealous if my wife spends more time with my daughter than me.
yeah I'm the rest. Crippling fear of being hated for giving them a much worse life than I got is also part of it
I strive to not be like my dad and go as far as telling my siblings and wife to hit me at the hint that I sound like my dad.
And I intend to continue.
I love spending time with my kids. Gonna get all the cuddles I can in before they grow out of that stage.
My daughter says she wants to marry me. 🥰
I told her it’s not possible and she was pretty sad, so I told her she needs to find someone who loves her and treasures her as much as dad does (a very tall order). If the person she likes doesn’t live up to those standards then they’re not the right person for her and move on.
I did have to lay down the law pretty firmly to my no wife no kids coworkers who love to live at the office. Family always takes priority over work crap.
like daddit for the fediverse but we all eat pizza with ranch and say "ope" a lot. all dads and non-dads are welcome. ranch on pizza is recommended but not required. ope is mandatory.