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[-] cannedtuna@lemmy.world 100 points 5 months ago

Joseph Flannery, a 7th grade Social Studies teacher, admitted he’s looking forward to his deployment.

“I’m in my late 50s and I’m sad to admit I get winded walking from my car to my classroom, but I thought about it and I can either get shot in a war overseas or I can get shot by some active shooter while I do a lesson about the Revolutionary War,” said Flannery.

Fucking gold.

[-] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

But you're only being shot to protect innocents in one scenario (:

(As a teacher, if that wasn't obvious)

[-] Darkenfolk@dormi.zone 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

"innocents"

(As a teacher, if that wasn't obvious)

Never met highschoolers huh?

[-] psoul@lemmy.world 57 points 5 months ago

The title is the first punch but this line is the KO.

I can either get shot in a war overseas or I can get shot by some active shooter while I do a lesson about the Revolutionary War.

[-] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 30 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Also this:

“Listen Jack, the educators in the country are some of the most hard-working people I’ve ever met. They will make a great addition to the fight against terrorism. It’s because most of them have nothing to live for anyway because they can’t retire, they are in terrifying debt, and [the students] parents get to tell them what they can teach,” said Biden.

and this:

At press time, the teachers were holding a bake sale to raise funds for their airfare.

[-] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago

I would give this better than even odds of working.

[-] LEDZeppelin@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago

Classic onion

[-] Shyfer@ttrpg.network 18 points 5 months ago

This one is really good lol

[-] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

Is this the best onion headline title ever?

[-] jaspersgroove@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

My favorite from back in the day was “Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines the Constitution to Be” but they’ve been cranking out some really good ones lately

[-] Lemminary@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

That's it, I'm making the "The Onion headlines that go hard" community.

[-] lazyViking@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Why? Do you feel like this community is not curated enough?

[-] Lemminary@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

It's just a joke :P

[-] Aceticon@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Also they'll be able to call the local riot police whenever they need to remove any student from their classroom by claiming they're being disruptive.

this post was submitted on 15 May 2024
796 points (100.0% liked)

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