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submitted 11 months ago by DevCat@lemmy.world to c/humor@lemmy.world

Billionaire Elon Musk, found dead in his home last night, says it is not the role of social media networks to determine what is true or not.

The Tesla and X owner, who is believed to have died from a heroin overdose while watching animal porn, said he would fight any attempts to stop the spread of misinformation on his platform.

Police revealed that Musk, who says it is up to the public to decide what was true or not, had been fighting incest charges at the time of his death.

His funeral is next week.

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[-] Grobmobularb@lemmy.world 367 points 11 months ago

You fuck. Don’t scare me with a good time.

[-] SoleInvictus 49 points 11 months ago

I know! I actually squeaked with delight, then felt crushing disappointment, all from one title.

[-] Empricorn@feddit.nl 24 points 11 months ago

Fastest I've ever lost a boner.

[-] andrew@lemmy.stuart.fun 161 points 11 months ago
[-] GeekFTW@lemmy.zip 47 points 11 months ago

Shit I saw this a day or three ago and it still got me lol.

[-] DebatableRaccoon@lemmy.ca 111 points 11 months ago

Probably the spiciest instance of fighting fire with fire I've ever seen

[-] drcobaltjedi@programming.dev 36 points 11 months ago

I remember seeing one about zuck a few years back. Apparently the chaser said mark zuck was a child molester though the actual web page has since been taken down.

[-] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 93 points 11 months ago

Aw c'mon don't tease us like that!

[-] formergijoe@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

Well I, as a member of the public, choose to believe him being dead as true, as he wished in life.

[-] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

*sheds a single tear*

He died doing what he loved. Hoarding a measure of wealth that the human brain isn't capable of comprehending, while the rest of us are left budgeting for god damned eggs.

[-] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 11 months ago

Millionaire and soon-to-be indicted Elon Musk, found dead in his home last night, says it is not the role of social media networks to determine what is true or not.

That ought to get his attention

[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 78 points 11 months ago

He's only 52?

He looks like someone 15 years older whose had too much plastic surgery

[-] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago
[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 26 points 11 months ago

Drugs don't make people looks like low quality wax models...

It's the plastic surgery

[-] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 8 points 11 months ago

Looks like he paid the surgeon with Tesla shares.

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[-] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 16 points 11 months ago

He's actually 74, I read it on the Xitter so it must be true.

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[-] EvilEyedPanda@lemmy.world 62 points 11 months ago

They really had us in the beginning, and the middle, they actually had us the whole time, and I take every word as true.

[-] Seraph@kbin.social 52 points 11 months ago

Pretty sure we can all conjecture he's a pedophile now.

[-] magnusrufus@lemmy.world 57 points 11 months ago

I've assumed elon was a pedo ever since he accused that one diver of being one.

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[-] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago

Many people are saying it. More and more.

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[-] Jaytreeman@kbin.social 17 points 11 months ago

You don't get incest charges for no reason whatsoever

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[-] Snapz@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

elon musk, one of the world's most outspoken furries, dead today after his head fell off immediately after he set the world record for the amount of penises simultaneously inserted into a human body. Per his will, his body will be hollowed out and used as a urinal for truckers with active, untreated STDs. He is survived by several people that didn't love him for a single day of his worthless life.

[-] AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 36 points 11 months ago

Hey, you can... you can respectfully keep furries out of this one. Just saying. We've got nothing to do with that mess. This time at least.

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[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 31 points 11 months ago

Okay, this is genius, and I thought it was legit for a minute.

[-] supercriticalcheese@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

If you believe in it, it's true!

[-] dojan@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

The billionaire grifter well known for lying and making money off of his lies, is against misinformation laws? Wow I am so surprised. He always struck me as a stand-up, honourable kind of chap.

[-] daltotron@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago

Okay guys be honest for a second with me here do you think his hair transplant was like the single most effective thing he's done for his own public image? I think it might be. If you look at the before and after pictures that motherfucker is super bald at a young age, but just deluded enough to not have shaven his head. If you look at him now and sort of at his height in public good will with teslas and what have you, bang, full head of hair. Did it give him more confidence to spiral from a minor silicon valley douche into a full turbodouche? Or did it just masquerade the true baldness of the soul with which he is plagued? I dunno. Nobody holds any good sentiments about jeff bezos, and that man looks like a shorter lex luthor. I mean everyone also things zuck is a lizard man or a robot or whatever, and he has hair I guess, but I dunno.

Am I reading too much into his former baldness?

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

All I know is that I wish I could afford as good of a hair transplant as he or Gordon Ramsay have. I guess I could afford one once, but if it keeps falling out then it's just going to look even worse after the transplant. I think you need the money to get follow-up transplants for the rest of your life, and I'd rather spend that money on life experiences, hobbies, or retirement.

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[-] mydude@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

Free speech used to be a left wing key-stone. Why? Because left wing is all policy that benefits the 99%. How can masses organize without free speech? You can't, that's why the 1% (owner class) has tried everything for decades to stifle it. They are gradually succeeding, because todays 'left wing' commentary aren't for free speech. You are for free speech if you are willing to fight for all speech, even the speech you don't like, and only then are you for free speech. It is that simple, and still so many don't get it...

[-] Hegar@kbin.social 33 points 11 months ago

You can be a strong proponent of free speech and support stronger regulation and penalties for legitimately dangerous speech.

I don't see a lot of left wingers coming out against free speech, but I see a lot of right wingers dehumanizing others and directly calling for violence, then trying to pretend that's free speech.

[-] rufus@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

You can also do it like in Germany where we don't have "freedom of speech" but a freedom to express our opinions. Which doesn't include false factual statements about other people...

[-] FireTower@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

Intentional false factual statements would be considered libel or slander in the USA and wouldn't receive protection.

[-] Kiernian@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

If I recall correctly, though, you can't just sue someone for spreading bullshit about you in the u.s.

You have to have proof that it's actively causing you harm.

(For example - you didn't get a job because someone said you dress up in a clown suit and goose construction workers on weekends and the allegation is the ONLY reason you didn't get the job. Someone would have to go on record stating they heard that lie and it influenced their decision before anything can be done against the liar.)

If slander and libel were easily actionable and actually got liars in trouble, a lot fewer people would be spreading bullshit.

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[-] Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

I'm fully ok with people I don't agree with stating their opinions. It's only when they want to spew hatred and actually do damage with their speech that I don't like. Free speech is totally fine, but hate speech and slander are not. I don't like when people that have the same opinion as me spew hate and lies either. Hate and lies have nothing to do with being free. At that point you are trying to restrict other people from being free.

They can say things I don't like, as long as those things are true and free from malice. Your freedoms stop where other peoples freedoms start. We can tolerate anything, but tolerating intolerance breaks the social contract and renders it null.

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[-] doublejay1999@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

I imagine death came fairly quickly and without a lot of suffering.

That’s a shame.

[-] crispyflagstones@sh.itjust.works 12 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Misinfo! How can he argue against misinformation laws when he actually died five years ago and has been played by a stunt double this whole time?

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[-] PiratePanPan@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 11 months ago

Mods, fill OP's body with the wrong blood type

[-] kokesh@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

Oh no! How will the planet survive? How will we get to our miserable existence on Mars after we fuck up the atmosphere with thousands of rocket launches?

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[-] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Ya know, there was a thread on here (here being Lemmy, not this particular community) a week or so ago mocking someone trying to manifest a free car for themself. Now I want manifesting to be a thing, let's turn this into reality.

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[-] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago
[-] cobysev@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

You mean he's been dead for a decade now?! Makes total sense. When's the last time anyone actually saw him in public? /s

[-] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

At the super bowl, Rupert Murdoch was weekend at bernieing his ass around

[-] Lemminary@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Fuck you, OP 😂

[-] Kaefor@lemmy.ca 7 points 11 months ago

This is an updated version of the article: Mark Zuckerberg – Dead at 36 – Says Social Media Sites Should Not Fact Check Posts

🤣

[-] radiant_bloom@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Honestly, apart from the incest bit, I really wish this was true…

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this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2024
1492 points (100.0% liked)

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