Mr. Nerd, how often do you upgrade your computer?

Depends, systems that I routinely push enough computational demand through? every couple years (Or at least some part it if applicable) is about average.

The laptop I keep in my room for light research/gaming/general computing/remoting into other systems? When it breaks.

Phones? Whenever I see something compelling enough, every year for awhile until I was on the OnePlus 8T for 3 years before the Pixel Fold dropped

And how long do you anticipate Teslas remaining on the road? Aren’t they all doomed to the scrap yard in 10-15 years?

Yes, but it has nothing to do with the on board computers and everything to do with Tesla's shit quality in general

I could just as easily drudge up old ICE "minimal computers" cars that only lasted "10-15 years" because of similar issues

You can still work on older cars. They may be less safe, they may cause more pollution. But in the context you’re arguing, I can’t say you’ve presented a compelling case.

Thanks to better higher precision machining tech and the "computers" working together to significantly decrease wear & tear, newer cars can regularly exceed 200k miles as long as it makes it past the first few years and decently maintained. The older cars you see lasting today are the rare exception, not the rule. Many many of a models "brethren" died LONG ago, well short of 200k miles.

They also cost more long term to, in both fuel economy (The "computers" have far greater control over the engine and associated parts, to more easily achieve better fuel efficiency) and repair costs (In both your time spent repairing (your time is valuable to ya know) and in parts) because they are also far more prone to regularly breaking down.

Moreover, consumer demand for distraction has driven (so to speak) the popularity of cars and other gadgets to do the thinking for us. A brief example is how often my Uber driver takes a wrong turn into another state because he’s unfamiliar with the city and relying on his phone. A taxi driver would never make that mistake because they’re knowledgeable and able to think for themselves.

That's an entirely different problem to the discussion, but also a classic "That new fangled gizmo, kids these days don't learn the REAL ways!!!"

I’ll pick a dumb device 9 times out of 10.

That's fine, car computerization (as far as engine/motor/transmission control go; infotainment systems and subscription heated seats are a whole different problem) is here to stay, the young car heads/mechanics coming up behind you are learning the newer ways regardless. There are fewer and fewer of this stuck in the past mindset every year and every year these older cars get harder and harder to find as they die.