I’m in the closet. I’ve only told a small group of friends who are enough degrees of separation away from my family that I don’t need to worry too much about it getting out. I haven’t told my family or most of my friends, considering that a mistake would result in that side of my family knowing. I’m bi and probably nonbinary.

I have some very bigoted family, fuck em. I don’t mind burning bridges with them, even though it would hurt for a little while. This family has cheered for the deaths of queer people, such as Nix Benedict. They have supported calls for genocide against queers, they have a huge amount of bigotry.

However, about 10-12 years ago, there was a debate over the existence of queer people in my family, regarding a string of current events about lgbt rights. My grandma, was the only person on that side of the US who supported the right for queer people to exist. My bigoted family was so upset that they just cut her out. She was blocked by that side of the family on social media, they’d drop her calls, and wouldn’t visit. My grandma was devastated. After the death of my grandfather, she was even more isolated, having nobody within 400 miles who would talk to her. Though she met up with the whole family to mourn for the funeral, she was still isolated for another month after it, until things healed a few months later and she was able to talk with that side of the family again.

I refuse to be the person who is the wedge in my family. I know my grandma good enough that she would still love and support me as a queer person, but I refuse to cause another split in my family that would harm my already very lonely and isolated grandma.

Even as an otherwise militant queer who had no problem coming out in a rough area like where I used to live, I draw the line on harming vulnerable people like my grandma. I just hate this situation so much.