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Castaways
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 27 Mar 2024
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To be entirely fair, most bears are usually of the flesh-eating kind.
WHAAA--- I thought they just ate honey and, I dunno, graham crackers or something. I'll never look at those cute lil teddy bears the same.
It’s pretty well documented that bears survive mainly on the contents of picnic baskets
Pic-er-nic baskets, specifically.
Ohhhhhhh! You meant teddy bears. They aren't flesh-eating, it turns out, but they will drink the fluids from your body like drinking a Capri Sun without a straw. Good times.
(chuckles) I'm in danger.
Some exceptions: Panda bears and koala bears and teddy bears and Gary the big, hairy, gay vegan.
"Panda bears" annoys me because they weren't classified as bears for a while and my brain is stuck on that. However without the "bears", "panda(s)" needs to be preceded by "giant" in order to distinguish from red pandas, which are not bears.
"Koala bears", however is 100% wrong. They're just koalas. They look like teddy bears though, which explains the confusion.
And finally, teddy bears. What would we call them if former US president Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt hadn't been associated with them? Would they be as popular as they are?
"Toy bears" sounds reasonable until you realise that a "toy poodle" is a flesh-and-blood ~~abomination~~ creature.
What's the deal with nightgowns called teddies being named after a man called Theodore Bear? That's not a joke. How did this happen?
And why the f--k is Gary wearing one?
Gary isn't wearing one. He's wearing a pineapple leather harness.
Yeah, that's like saying the bear bears.