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Density
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2024
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Clearly taking someone at their word instead of trying to guess that they were actually throwing confusing hints is the dumbest thing anyone can do.
It could be worse, she could have really been goofing around and gotten into an argument when you acted on the 'hints' that you thought she was giving.
Thank you! Every time someone asks me "well why didn't you make a move when X happened?"
Because I didn't want to make the wrong guess and get pepper sprayed, punched, expelled, fired, whatever. Because 99% of the time they aren't into me at all and whatever signal I think I might be picking up on is entirely unintentional or imagined.
I always assume the other person isn't flirting, they're just being nice. Or competitive in this case. And assuming this has never once led to me getting lunched or pepper sprayed or anything, so I'd say it worked well.
Also I still got married, just asked someone I worked with if they wanted to go hiking one day and surprisingly they said yes. (honestly who goes hiking as a first date I could have been a serial killer)
If you can't be direct with the person you want to be romantic with, then why are you wanting to be closer to them?
I'll go with "I didn't want to be wrong and feel bad for guessing wrong" instead of the extreme responses. Definitely prefer someone who is direct and clear.
Well I'd be lying if I said it wasn't mostly this. The feeling of rejection.
But the others did cross my mind a lot when I was wondering if I'm picking up on signals.
I would go hiking as a first date
On the other hand, my now-wife told me I was good at flirting when we started dating. I have never flirted in my life, and I still don't know what she interpreted that way.
Nah she could tell you didn't have the emotional intelligence of a serial killer.
That's flirting. It's designed to protect the person's ego if they guess that their affections are not returned. This case would have been a good example if the op wasn't interested. She could have played it off as trying to win.
And the human experience as well as range of personalities are incredibly broad. We know someone has a delightfully magical story about their now-spouse playing coy when they first met.
So, “yes and“ even a wildly cocky person might flirt just because that’s them being them.
Well said and great point!