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this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2023
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Transfem
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That my desire to be cis passing and just blend in would go away over time, and that ultimately I'd start to find it like another form of closet that I'm stuck in.
I don't know what that means I'd have done differently, but I know I'd have thought about my options more
The band She/Her/Hers has a song called Nvr Pass about this exactly.
Awesome, thanks for the rec
I'll have to check that out, I'm definitely not familiar with the band.
One of my favorites from her is “I’m not ‘supposed’ to be anything”.
Their comment made me think of that song as well. Sorta wondered if ada had it in mind. So many great songs.
Nope, I'd never heard it before it was suggested here!
Hey thanks, id never heard of that artist and am loving it. The lyrics feel waaaay too relatable 🥲
NGL that sounds pretty great right now.
Of course. I thought similar when I first started. But over time my opinion changed.
It doesn't mean yours will, but it's definitely something I'd like to have been able to tell my past self
That's some really good information. Thank you. 💜
This scares the shit out of me because I've seen women change their demeanor when they pick up on me being trans. It's not a lot, but you can sense the change conversationally as well as the emotional walls going up.
I hate it and can't wait for the day that other stealth trans women talk about a la being asked for pads/tampons, risk of being pregnant going into the hospital, stuff like that.
Yeah, don't get me wrong, that side is wonderful. For me personally though, the problem is that it means my queerness is less visible to my own community. And the queer community is a whole lot more important to me than cishet acceptance is.
And, I'm also not sure that I'd do anything differently with a "do over", but at the very least, I wish I'd have known about the difference it would create in my relationship with the community I value, so I could have factored that in to my approach.
(And I say this with the privilege of living in a safe city in a safe country, where cishet people knowing that I'm trans doesn't open me up to danger)