I've been doing not great lately, and one thing that keeps coming up in my head is one of the beliefs I hold on to, to try and stay sane.
It's not really a belief...I don't know if I truly believe it. It is a coping mechanism tho, which at least partially prevents me from going completely crazy...
Does anyone else tell themselves that they'll be born cis in the "next life"?
For me personally, I mean a cis woman. And with that, all of the things I'll get to experience that I can't now (a normal female puberty at the right time, periods, pregnancy, hopefully attracting way more cis men...)
I don't even know if I believe in reincarnation, but I still hold onto this thought, this hope for dear life. I guess it's a justification of some sort? Because to be honest...I'd do anything, and I mean really anything to be cis. But I can't, of course.
This probably doesn't make sense, but it does kinda help sometimes. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess...I'd just like other people's opinion on this. Do you have anything similar?
Edit: I'm sorry. Really. Yesterday, for some reason I decided to take oral prog (bad idea), which made me drunk for about 2 hours and then it made me a depressed, dysphoric, crying mess (as it does every time). On top of that, for some reason I decided to watch the trailer for the upcoming anime, Just Like Mona Lisa...
Any cis person would be like "Oh yeah, cool new anime, people are born genderless and then at 12 choose their own puberty?", but...I'm not cis and in the state I was in...it sent me straight into a spiral. The whole concept still makes me dysphoric af, but I really wanna see it...
I haven't watched anime in years. I'm curious how this one turns out...even if I die from dysphoria in the process ๐
Thanks everyone! You're all so sweet. Way too sweet. I don't deserve you ๐ญ Thanks for being so kind to me ๐ฉต๐ฉท๐ค๐ฉท๐ฉต
Edit2: I read the manga, all in one sitting. It gave me some much needed exposure, and for some reason, facing the pain head-on helped relieve the bad feelings. I'm actually surprised how much it helped and how much I enjoyed the piece itself.
Huh. Didn't expect that to work. I fully expected a breakdown and lots of crying. There was some tearing up...but I feel much better now. Now I'm not scared of the anime in the slightest. Looking forward to it.
This probably doesn't make any sense, I get it. Just...treat this as a mad ramble ๐
I love y'all. Thank you ๐
I do not believe in another life or reincarnation, but to some extent (it is not a belief, nor a religion) I think we possibly live in a multi-verse, where all the potential outcomes exist, and our universe is just one of them.
While in the egg, i was telling myself that a cis (woman) of myself existed in such a universe, and I wished I could trade place...
In retrospect, I find hard to believe that I used all those small coping mechanisms but only realised later that I was a trans-woman... the mourning that took place later when I realised I was really a woman, just in the wrong body, was HARD.
You don't even need to invoke the multiverse or alternate timelines/realities. This is possible in just our own one physical universe.
To the limits of our measurement, space-time has a flat (0) curvature. If it has a positive curvature, if you traveled in a straight line long enough, eventually you would end up back where you started. Such a universe would be without border but still finite in size. Negative curvature has its own properties. But to the limits of our measurements, the universe has a flat curvature.
What this means is that to the limit of our measurement, the universe isn't just large, but truly infinite. It literally goes on forever. Now, only a tiny fraction of that infinity is within our light cone. Most of this infinite universe is receding from us faster than the speed of light, so we can never interact with it.
But...a universe that is truly spatially infinite has some of the same properties as an infinite multiverse. If you could travel faster than light and survey an arbitrarily large volume, weird stuff would start to happen. Travel far enough out, and you'll find a copy of yourself. Down to the exact same genetics. Travel further still, and you'll find an exact atom-for-atom duplicate of the Solar System, including all the people currently living in it. There are an incredible number of ways to arrange the amount of atoms that make up a star system, but not an infinite number. And in infinite space, eventually you do get duplicates. Travel much further still, and you'll find an entire duplicate copy of our observable universe.
So, look up at the night sky. If the universe truly is infinite, there is another copy of you out there, born on an otherwise identical Earth, that is the same as you except was born cis. And if you had a fast enough space ship, you could fly out to meet them. In fact, there are an infinite number of copies of you.
Things get weird when you invoke true spatial infinity.
(Now, as far as just how far you would have to travel to find a duplicate Solar system, some quick searching turned up an estimate of 10^10^115 meters. The diameter of the observable universe is about 10^27 meters. "Astronomical" does not even begin to describe these distances.)
uhh ... it always seems to obvious in the retrospect. but don't be too hard on yourself for not figuring it out earlier, you probably didn't even know that the possibility existed so how could you have guessed it?
we're sometimes very blind towards options that we don't even consider possible in the first place. which makes us blind. but alas, what to do about it?
(how many other things are there that we simply haven't thought about yet?)