submitted 1 week ago by sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca to c/mtf

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I never considered myself trans back in Türkiye because on media, we only saw non-passing ones or hyperfem ones.

Bülent Ersoy, Gaga Bulut, crossdressers being shown as trans women on TV series, and the one I saw in my city (they transitioned at age 30+ and I clocked her when I was a kid even though I didn't know much about trans stuff back then)

I just wanted to be like a cis girl with female voice and appearance, and I thought this is impossible. I also searched online but due lack of my English back at age 15, I couldn't find anything and I had to give up. I had a sui attempt, and after recovery I got traumatized and I promised myself to just ignore all of my issues.

I stopped studying, I stopped everything that I cared about, just watched TV shows (16-18 was covid), was planning to join French foreign legion so I did gymmaxxing, my social anxiety and everything got worse but I was repping so hard, I was even copying and pasting other men's behaviours to myself to prevent being seen as fem. I was idolising some men I liked. It made me miserable asf.

(French Foreign Legion is extremely conservative, anti-science, and strictly anti-LGBT.)

If I didn't move to Canada, and talked to a trans woman online, I would be dead due "depression".

I repped with sertraline until age 18, and I thought it was just "OCD"... Erdoğan fucked my body and life and now I'm the one who has to pay for the damage?!

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[-] sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

I still suffer from body image issues, I still think I'm looking like my male version, and just because I finished my puberty with testosterone, I'm never gonna be self-confident again.

I'm getting called "miss" even with my unisex male clothes, not even shaving my arms due depression, and I'm passing but this doesn't make me happy.

I have zero interest in making female friends anyways. I seriously fucked myself between age 15 to age 18. All the toxic masculinity I internalised just to survive, permanently fucked my brain.

I can't recognize my childhood. I'm 22, and I still refuse to reconnect with myself.

Please NEVER rep. Being a sex worker in the streets is better than being someone that you're not...

[-] sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

The reason for joining FFL was my school success got fucked so yeah I had to give up from my dreams...

this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2026

33 points (100.0% liked)

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