So ive been out as trans for about 3-4 months. Everything has been great so far in terms of coming out and trying out new things. Ive spent quite a bit to switch out my wardrobe and there will be more.
For some context. Ive been basically dissociating my whole life. Theres never really been a "me", ive just been following societal expectations and returned to the computer whenever my presence wasnt obligated or expected elsewhere. This has made it very hard to navigate life after coming out as trans. What do I even have to compare to? Do i feel better now than before? I know ive always been intrigued by feminine clothing and makeup and never felt "at home" /"at ease" with boys being boyish. I usually ended up in "the weird kids corner" and initially had no thoughts about being trans for many years. At first I thought I just had autism, and i still do, for several reasons. But when i realized thats probably not the entire puzzle things started to make more sense.
Anyways. I just went on vacation with some friends and we roadtripped down to another friend in Germany. While there her girlfriend kindly gifted me 2 3-packs of Gynokadin, 0.6mg/g estradiol gel. Now I just keep staring at them unsure of what to do. Ive been considering for the last 2 months whether it is time to get on to HRT but something in my brain is very afraid.
The one who gave them to me is now doing DIY injections and just didnt have any use for them. She basically told me "you can just try it". And I dont know, im afraid i'll feel nothing at all or even worse, bad, on it, and im just afraid everything will come shambling down? The dream is ofcourse to have my mental state improve and actually become a person but I have no idea where to go right now.
My original plan was to maybe start HRT via a private clinic (public healthcare has about 3,5-4 years wait time here) and just pray that improvements to mental health could prove my point but that feels like an extremely unwise diagnosis-by-medication strategy my brain tells me is stupid.
What would you do? Tips? Struggles? Experiences? Anything is welcome ❤️
idk about mental changes from hrt. i never noticed any for myself.
what does makes me feel good when i do hrt, is that i know my body is becoming more the way i want it to be and not working against me anymore. time suddenly became an aly. it made me feel more grounded, because if any transphobe now wants to tell me i got a "male body" or some shit, they can extra shut it, cause i literally got more e and less t in my blood than the average cis woman (ofc even without it they can shut it, but it felt reassuring).
so ig what i am trying to say is that maybe not feeling any medical mental changes is not as bad, cause there are indirect things which might change your mood instead?
anyway, good luck <3
Very sweet of you, i hadnt thought about it that way but I will keep it in mind! ❤️
As soon as I shaved and got some more forming clothes i did start to like myself more. I think the only physical aspect im currently struggling with is my beard growth, but im looking in to laser for that.
Ofcourse im hyped for all the physical changes that come with E but right now my short-term enemy (apart from the brain goblin) is my beard and voice ❤️