part of my transition has always been getting control over as much shit in my life as possible. given how much my supposed blood relative, caregiver, spawnpoint, whatever now, betrayed my trust... I don't want her hands in any of my shit, no matter how sorry she is. I'm in control of my life. I'm going to continue exploring and feeling my way around the bends. 0 boymoding anywhere. growing as a person. just without her.

betrayal on that level has really fucked me up and I can see it's affecting how I view close relationships and how rarely I ask for help. I guess sometimes my brain goes into pattern recognition mode and the irrational fear of very close trust takes over. with time, with my friends that have been on my side (that I can never repay properly), ~~with professional support 💀~~, I'll get somewhere better. ❤️

she could've really been a part of it. I have so much success I share with my friends, with Lemmy, with the world, and sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to that would revel in the same joy I do trying on crop shirts, skirts, socks, chokers, makeup, etc., the modifications I've made to my older clothes, how much progress I've made with my voice training, figuring out epilation (SO AWESOME), how my body fat has already started heading in the right places, how I've always kept up with every injection and which side so I can alternate and how I've been doing it right every time as of recent. but I've had my head on straight for a while. being proud of myself and that little light inside of me has always kept me going.

in the pic, I'm simply throwing my old SIM to the wayside now that most of my stuff is transferred over to my new number. it's really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but to me it feels symbolic. a plan that I'm paying for. to have something physical to throw away, kinda helps my mind let go of things, the past.

the screen protector and frame has also taken a little beating over this time, but I'm ok with it. I'm still ok even though I'm a little worn, and so is my phone. we compliment each other!!!!

not the theme of my recent posts, but I don't have a usual life! buuuuut, heading out to the mall and thrift store later today... will see if I get any interesting pulls... and will share... :3