Hi all,
Im looking for some input/advice/help. I came out as trans some month ago. Its been on my mind for 15+ years and it feels great to finally have come out.
But I always have an extremely hard time internalizing stuff, and very much so in this case. This worry that "i might not be" keeps eating away at my brain and I dont know where to turn to ask for advice.
Ive tried to get more in touch with my feminine side and I absolutely love it. The initial gender euphoria was crazy. Ordering new clothes and ripping off the old mask of trying to meet the masculine ideals that was expected of me has been so freeing.
However, i havent come out at work or to my family yet. So i do have to put that mask back on almost daily. Some days really suck. Seeing myself in the mirror ranges for masc stubble nightmare to still seeing a version of me that I like (which I have never done before).
But something in my head keeps bugging me. A little goblin inside telling me "what if youre wrong?", "what if youre actually not trans", "you dont feel that bad when youre still looking masc", "youre not that dysphoric".
The gremlin has always been there in other scenarios but this time is giving me so much issues with my headspace just due to how important this whole journey is to me.
Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? Is it common for people to deal with fantasy creatures in their head? Should I rethink my life choices?
I have no idea where to turn with this one but atleast tried to book a time with the only therapist/doctor ive met whos been able to properly talk about gender dysphoria. Although im afraid of how much I can/should say because trans care sucks here and I really dont want to be left out of the opportunity of actually getting help.
I struggle with this constantly. I really don't have the dysphoria but I feel so much happier in girlmode. I question it alot, often wonder if I brainwashed myself somehow. But I try to remind myself I've felt this way for a long time.
I have often told others I believe we are all on a sliding gender and sexuality scale, and I'm pretty 50-50 male-female.I'm identifying as bigender for this reason, it's also just easier to be honest. I don't know, maybe I accept the male side because I'm used to it, because I don’t absolutely hate my meat suit. But then again, I'm super happy in girl mode and the more I see all the beautiful woman here and the before and after the more I wonder what I would look like. My mother obvi but still
I'm only out to my wife and a couple of friends, and can't currently girlmode at all because of my living situation. Definitely not ready to leave the house, but I've picked out an outfit for exactly that occasion.
I say all this to let you know you're not alone. It is normal to struggle and question. Just remember, would you have come here and asked the questions if it wasn't real? Why would you choose the difficult and potentially dangerous path if it wasn't real?
♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡
Hi, and thank you. I feel practically everything you're describing. It is hard to describe it. Some days my gender identity feels super obvious, some days I question why I dont feel more terrible when it doesnt align and some days I do feel terrible when it doesnt align. I guess its alot of the "going back and forth" that makes the struggle hard for me? Like, 5/7 days a week I live in the old flesh suit since Im at work (I do just now realize that, even if I dont feel terrible every day im there, i do always long for getting home and re-dressing 😅).
Theres a huge pride parade nearby next weekend and Im determined to go out in fem clothing for the first time 😬❤️ Wish me luck, im super excited 😅❤️
I did that last weekend! It was my first time out in girlmode and it was incredible. No one cared how I was dressed, in a good way, and it felt so calming and peaceful to be myself in public surrounded by other queer folk. Best of luck and have fun!
YAY!!! Good luck, you got this!
One of the most important things to remember, that really helped me in the beginning, is there is no wrong way to be trans. You do you, whatever that means, as long as you're happy you're doing it right