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FEMA Official Says He Teleported to Waffle House. Experts Are Dubious.
(www.nytimes.com)
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this post was submitted on 03 Apr 2026
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Strangely after teleporting I always wake up with a headache and memory loss.
And for some reason it's always right after twenty beers
Surely that's a coincidence. If it was the beer, how come you don't teleport a little bit after 1 beer?
My logic is infallible, and by my logic we can 100% exclude that beer has anything to do with it.
The power of deduction baby. 😋
Bruh, you weren't drinking beers, those were glasses of Ayahuasca.
I haven't teleported since this one time where I immediately got lost and had to ask a dragon for a ride home. I woke up naked on my neighbor's porch with a tattered ribbon of red silk tied around my penis.
It's terrible what the aliens do to people after they scoop them up and before they teleport them back to Earth. There's probes and prodding and general dubious medical practices. That's probably what causes it. I've heard they use certain solvents to pacify people first though, so you might fail a breath test when you first return.
Yeah I think they are examining my head a bit too much. So much I'm sometimes also dizzy from it?!