this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Transfem
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I think the problem here is you're letting transphobes corrupt a word that never meant to exclude trans people, and actual bi and trans people use to describe their sexuality, me included. I'm trans, and I have sex with trans people. My most recent ex is nonbinary. All words are made up and they mean what we decide they mean. If you let some bi transphobes sully a word they've tried to corrupt with hate you let them win. You wouldn't write off feminism as anti-trans because TERFs exist. You wouldn't write off lesbians as racist because racist lesbians exist. You wouldn't write of pan people as rapists because pansexual rapists exist. Why the fuck do you want to let bi transphobes claim our word?
Reclaiming a word is a great goal, but it starts in targeted local communities and then having those communities reach out to reclaim it in larger ones and so on. And it's much more difficult when both the intricacies of the literal meaning dont support the one you want and it's in active use to mean something different by people who don't believe they are using it in a bigoted way. It's much easier when it's very explicit that people are using the word as an attack like gay, bitch, the n word, etc., all of witch are in various stages of being reclaimed.
But if it's about communication and in a larger community like the internet or even a city of people, and there are more specific words that explicitly give those meanings rather than intricate socially defined implications, then it's better to use those words outside of the community you're reclaiming the word in.
In this case, if a cis-woman I'm interested in says they are bi, I will assume they are not interested in me vs if they say pan- or omni-sexual or use a word that has no explicit intricacies associated with it's literal meaning like queer. And asking clarifying questions might out me in a potentially life-threatening way. If a trans-woman I'm interested in says bi, I'm likely to be more inquisitive to figure out what they mean just like if they said queer. But again, that's a different community of people. Very few trans people are going to be bigoted against other trans people. But lots of cis people are bigoted in the current state of the world.
So feel free to try to reclaim it. I think that's a noble goal. I'm just saying that you may be misinterpreted in a larger community like on the internet or even localized dating sites.
You're just wrong though. Bi doesn't mean trans exclusive. You are personally pushing for that definition through your actions and words. You are actively giving that word away to transphobes. Ultimately you're free to believe whatever you want to believe, but you're still just factually incorrect.
I don't have the power to change what bigots are using it for. So I have to assume that people who use the term are using it in that way for my own safety. Outing myself in person to the wrong person in this day and age can get me murdered. And I don't have the energy to ask every person on the internet to clarify. I don't care what people use to describe themselves internally or within their communities. I am talking about the world in its current state. If people don't clarify their intention, then I have to assume the worst common meaning for safety.