I told her about my dream and I got this lovely back to me.
“Good morning. Thank you for being vulnerable and thank you for feeling positive about yourself. I am very proud and happy that you have made whatever growth im your emotional well being and you have over come the wounded little boys hurt from isolation and bullying. It’s what’s inside - not what you are trying to create on the outer shell - transgender is like a white washed tomb and it’s not permanent.
[DeadName] you are wise enough and intelligent way beyond your years - way beyond the normal human.
A mother only wants all of their children to find peace within them self - you were born with great purpose and potential and I’ve always encouraged you in this way.
I wish you could hear from a mothers point of view how preposterous it is that your generation has bought in to the lie in your minds that a dude is a woman and a woman is a dude.
I AM befuddled and perplexed beyond words.
I am not in a place to ever call a lie the truth or the truth a lie.
It does not set well with me that a boy child that I gave birth to and have struggled with and loved unconditionally his entire life has allowed life to fuck with him to the point that instead of fighting through and coming to terms with the injustices he would rather just say he’s a woman than overcome all of the bull shit that life has brought in a healthy and proper way…
That would be the real hero - that would be the real triumph and that would be the true victory that I would want for my son who was created inside of my body so wonderfully and who was genetically given a penis and the proper chromosome and wiring of one gender - a male.
While I love you More than you have ever been able to comprehend, I will NEver mistreat people but the hard truth is there are only two genders that god created and this god forsaken transgender line of ridiculousness is the biggest joke I have seen on this planet.
I know you’re going to do what you want - you’ve isolate yourself away from precious people your entire life and even in golden years of your grand parents they wonder why you don’t love them or keep in touch. It’s reallly sad.
BE HAPPY AND BE STRONG BE AN OVERCOMER OF ALL THE WRONGS that you’ve been dealt but learn to be what you were designed to be - that’s my son not my daughter.
I’m not capable of pretending this is ok - I love you dearly but I’m not going to be fake and act like this is ok cause it’s not ok….
Love,
Your mother. “
Went exactly as expected.
Spits vitriol and then says “WhY dIdNt YoU sTaY, bTw We’Ll NeVeR AcCePt YoU FuLlY iF YoU TrIeD tO?”.
I ran away as a teenager because I knew they would never accept me how I was and that I didn’t fit into their Christian nationalist world view. Before I knew I wanted to transition, I knew I wasn’t like them and they would never fully understand me..
Whatever…
I am so sorry she took this opportunity and wasted it. Parents acting this way to their own children still angers and saddens me, even if it no longer surprises me. I gave up trying to understand a long time ago.
Instead, I am adopting you (in this virtual forum) and sharing the letter I sent to my own daughter when she sent us her letter. She still presents as male at the moment, but is in the process of transitioning.
Please take a very big virtual hug, too. You are bold; you are brilliant; you are beautiful.
Message me anytime.
Love, Adopted Mom
Dear [NAME],
Trusting your words, but not your voice (literally), you recently sent us a letter to come out as transgender, telling us you’ve known since your young, teenage years.
I read your words and was so proud of you. Your anxiety must have been immense, but you set down on paper who you are. I have always told you about the power of putting things in writing. The words, whatever they are, can’t be taken back — they’re out there. Sure, they can be clarified or explained, but never erased. And you sent them to us.
When I saw you next, part of me wanted to tell you that I’ve known about this part of you for a long time, maybe for longer than you acknowledged it yourself. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to take a chance on taking any part of this moment away from you. It takes a lot to gain self-awareness like this. It takes yet even more to tell someone, let alone your parents - let alone again to put it in writing.
And as to that, there is something else I’ve told you all your life, or a variation of it. You may no longer be a baby, but you will always be my baby. That’s not meant to infantilize you; it’s a promise. Transgender or not, you could change your name from the one I gave you, and you would still be my child. You can live with me or move 2,000 miles away, and I will be there for you, because you are my child. My sweet, funny, witty, smart, awesome child.
When I saw you next, I didn’t say any of that either, and then one of your siblings came into the room, and I couldn’t address any of it at all. In your letter, you asked that we not say anything. We would never have had intentions to do so; that’s your right, so that request is more than easy to honor. I look forward to the day when you can be authentic with them as well, but that will take some time, I think.
All I could do at that moment was give you a quick, tight hug and whisper to you, “I love you, and your father loves you, too.” I hope you read into that hug and words all that we feel, and that you know that we love and support you.
And we would also put that in writing, if you wished. 😊
Thank you, Mom. That’s all I wanted to hear ❤️
You’re welcome. ❤️