I've deliberated at length at what masculinity means to me, which I explain here -- sorry about the sloppy link.

tl;dr: My early perspectives of manhood come from the cold war: the capacity to hold onto immense (⚛☢) amounts of power and not use it inappropriately, and never in aggression. In time it became taking care of business; to man up is to pony up and pay bills and make sure adult stuff is managed. But in the 1990s that became adulting and was expected of everyone who was of majority.

Now, manhood is about using grandfathered presumptions of masculinity to preserve old power structures and oppress women and minorities, and I want nothing to do with any of it.