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[CW: suicidal thoughts] No friends (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by kiara@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/mtf
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I made a similar post a few weeks ago, but just remembered that the last time I had friends was over ten years ago, when I was ten.
My whole life at the moment is going to work during the week and being too exhausted for anything for the rest of the day and having no motivation to do anything on the weekends.

The only people around me are my family and my colleagues. Nobody asks how I am or is otherwise interested about me.

I don't know why I should continue to live, I don't see many reasons for it

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[-] Hupf@feddit.org 5 points 6 days ago

Hey Kiara, similar sentiment as u/Tangerine@scribe.disroot.org here.

I can definitely relate to the "no friends outside of family+work" situation. Having moved relatively often I didn't build any "friend groups" and staying in touch with the very few ones that lasted is difficult, mainly because I'm quite an introvert too (in the sense of: social contact == draining batteries / alone time == recharging). So while that makes me content most of the time, there's moments when I miss just having a random chat with somebody outside of my daily life. However putting myself "out there" seems difficult/draining and not worth the hassle (traveling to the nearby "big city", for example).

What are things you like to do? Is there something you'd like to learn or try out but didn't have the means to yet, or something you enjoyed in the past, but stopped for some reason?

Coworkers tell me I'm a good mentor or at least rubber ducky, so if you feel like venting or sorting out some day-to-day stuff, my inbox and matrix handle are open as well. Maybe trying out some 1:1 connections with the people here is a small enough step to actually dare try out?

[-] kiara@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

Thank you, I always enjoyed learning new things like programming languages, programming concepts and how computers work, but I have no motivation now and even when I had the motivation to start learning VHDL recently, I just couldn't read the documentation about it, I could read the words, but couldn't connect them to sentences. I still have a breadboard laying on my desk where I tried out different circuits many months ago, like flip-flops and even a full adder made of TO-92 transistors.

[-] Hupf@feddit.org 1 points 7 hours ago

Well, being self-taught is a noticeable skill on its own already. I also know the feeling of becoming super invested in something when I pick up a new hobby, but then there are times when I feel really "low energy" and can't bring myself to do the things I'm supposed to enjoy (like tinkering with PCs, mapping or even just playing some games) - often that correlates with stress at work, lack of sleep and low social contacts. However once I do pick up something again, usually for me I find that I do have the energy to pursue it and it's just the starting motivation that's missing.

Maybe what you say is a sign of simply reaching some "dead end" in the intrinsic motivation for one topic and it'd make sense to look for new ventures. Could there be something that combines/enhances your previous projects with a totally different/new skill set? Like hooking a micro controller up to some christmas decorations to produce some unique effects, while getting a more cozy surroundings at the same time? Or looking into some music theory and experimenting with that?

this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2025
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