How should I come out to my friend? (self.mtf)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by cnlwhs to c/mtf

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I have a pan friend who is the only trans ally I know irl. Few months ago I decided to come out to her. However, I don't know where to start.

I was alone with her several times recently, but I just fail to start a conversation every time.

She doesn't seem to have any problem with being out to everyone, so it's harder to have a serious conversation about my struggles. What should I do?

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[-] cyngi@midwest.social 11 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Just be cause she doesn't seem to have a problem being out to everyone doesn't mean she doesn't or didn't. It is important to keep in mind there could have been struggles you are completely unaware of. And, if perhaps there were not, that only means that your situation is slightly different. Coming out like this is your choice, but pre-framing an interaction can help a final push for you to reveal what is hard. This kind of strategy has at least helped me make a hard admission in the past.

What I mean is to try to schedule a 'conversation.' Let her know that it is a serious subject matter, but be sure to clarify it is not a negative subject. It is something you want to discuss, and you would appreciate her time and attention.

this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2025

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