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this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2025
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My wife and I loves Japan and we visit quite often prior to having kids. Once we had kids, the people's attitude changes towards you. Suddenly my crying kid is annoying everyone and throwing shade. Elevators and seats clearly designated for strollers is often filled to the brim and nobody getting off/out.
It's a culture of hating kids.
Fun fact. Women who have kids must give up their careers. Grandparents is culturally not allowed to help with the grand kids. Like, you pop them out, you take care of them yourself, often without even help from the father.
Everything in your "fun fact" is not fact. I actually said "what the fuck" when I read it. I've been in Japan for a decade, both Tokyo and rural.
Where also are these magical stroller-only elevators? Certain people are supposed to have priority (and, yes, some assholes ignore this which is not a problem unique to Japan), and there are also people who don 'look disabled" but need help (I can be one of them sometimes as my left leg and ankle are as much metal as anything else, though you wouldn't know by looking at me).
Japan has problems and had places.to.improve but your post is just wild wild to me as a long-term resident.
My experience has been in Tokyo and Osaka. I have a son that cries a lot. I'm not sure how many kids you have. That might be our difference.
My terrible experience started on the plane to Osaka. From Taipei to Osaka on Peach Airlines.
My son was using his tablet that was sitting on the tray which made the Japanese woman in front of us mean mug us and eventually complained to us about the kid tapping his screen.
Then getting off the plane, we rode the train and bus to a station. Every seat designated for kids and elderly was taken up by young adults. My son was tired and started to cry and was melting on the train, directly in front of a girl who was sitting in those seats. Instead of giving up the seat, she put on her headphones and glared at us for annoying her. Sure SHE might be disabled, but it seems like every spot is taken up by disabled people. I never once saw someone get up from their seat to let a young family have their seat.
Then we were at some big train station and there was 4 or 5 elevators. The far left one was designated for elderly and strollers. But each time the elevator opened, it was fun of people. Nobody got out. Just pushed the close button faster. We ended up carrying the stroller up the escalator, which the guard yelled at us for doing.
At restaurants, we were regularly denied entry because we had a kid with us.
As a long term resident, perhaps the problem isn't that there isn't these problems. It's that you don't see it.
Next time look at who's carrying the baby while walking on the street. Look at the father and see how empty handed they are.
Your statements do not support your initial arguments.
You've conveniently just ignored everything I responded to about grandparents and women being forced out of their careers as a rule.
Further, you state
It's a culture of hating kids.and that is just not true.You are seeing some shitty people and extrapolating that out to "this society hates kids" which is 100% not the case. That is what I take issue with.
I could go on at length about things Japan could do better for families and, in my decade here, there has been great improvement. There is still room to go. That does not mean that Japanese people hate children and do not want them. It does not mean that this is a Japan-only problem yet your argument is that Japan hates kids.
So you want to tourist-splain to me as someone who lives here and has for a decade? I have family, friends, and coworkers with young kids. I do hear their complaints. I do see their struggles. Again, what you are describing, that Japan has some systemic and cultural child-hating complex, is not at all supported by your argument. It is also laughable to me that you would think you have a better handle on Japan as a whole as a tourist who goes to a few cities. You want to know what you're also not seeing? You're not seeing the programs in place. You're not seeing the variety of things that have been and are being done. You're literally just making stuff up and saying that all of Japan (the grandparents, for example) is some way.
You have your experience as a local and I have my experience as a tourist and both of us is right in our own view of Japan.
I experience the assholeness of Japanese people towards my young family. Making us feel like a second class citizen for disturbing them with my crying kid. Being turned away from restaurants for having a kid. Not letting me rent a stroller because my kid is 5 days older than the cutoff birthday at Universal studios. From security guards asking me to quiet down my kid because he is having a tantrum.
You're right, maybe it's not that they hate kids. Maybe they just hate tourists. Whatever is the case, those places I have visited are not family friendly.
I will say that the people of 琉球 doesn't act like this.
Where, though? I live in Okinawa and visiting Tokyo with my family sucks because people there are so uptight like you said. Also, old people there are so fucking entitled.
Edit: I forgot to write how Okinawa is like the opposite. Kids are more free to be kids here.
In Taiwan we call Okinawa, 琉球. This was the original name and I think the people there agrees with me. 琉球 has their own history and language prior to the takeover. The culture is vastly different than the mainland.
That's so awesome that you call us by that name. I wish we still used that as our official name as kind of a fuck you to the Japanese government, but it's all 沖縄 now for government stuff. We do still see 琉球 used in the private sector though (as well as one of our universities). Are you Taiwanese? I've visited Taipei a few times and I really love it there.
Ya, I live in Taipei and it's only a 1ish hour flight to 琉球. I feel the cultures of both our countries is very similar.
The people of 琉球 are super polite and their love for children is nothing like Tokyo or Osaka. My kids are welcomed.
Cool, so people there actually like the name Ryukyu? I used the word Ryukyu in a Japanese class one day but I got corrected by the teacher saying that Okinawa is the new name.
(I'm Taiwanese btw)
I think your teacher was just trying to be correct and didn't mean she didn't like it. Some locals might feel shy/awkward about it, but it's not a taboo or anything — especially if you're talking to a Ryukyuan :)
Glad to hear it's not a taboo! I had been always under the impression that Ryukyu was some sort of taboo word that was never to be mentioned of. I had somehow connected it with the once-Chinese influence over the Ryukyu Islands and thought it would anger locals or something haha.
I was watching about singledom and loneliness in Japan, it seems like Okinawa is a world apart from the mainland because family ties and community is still strong in Okinawa. Well, fair enough that Okinawa is still culturally distinct in many ways than the mainland because of history, although it's nice to hear some parts of Japan still have strong community and family values in a good way.
The family ties can be burdensome at times, but I really love that I'm still hanging out with my cousins in my 40s and our kids do too. We get together on obon, which is a day to honour our ancestors, and clean up our family tomb and get wasted lol.
I'm not sure where you got this. Grandparents absolutely help out when they can. Babysitting isn't a thing. That's what the grand folks are for.
Perhaps the level of help is not clear. In Asia, it's culturally acceptable to have grandparents to help watch their kids full time while both parents go to work. In Japan women are required to quit their jobs to take on that role.