If there's one thing I've learnt in 34 years of existing on this planet, it's that feelings can't be controlled - we can only control our actions, but good luck swimming against the current of what the heart desires. If someone wants to make friends, then that will be the intent. If someone wants a relationship, making friends will never suffice. And it's ok to go out there with the intent of finding a partner specifically! In my opinion and experience, it really is counterproductive to go completely against what one knows one wants. I mean... what's even the point, then?

I do agree with you in that one should know what one wants out of a relationship, the important things. As you've said, reproductive trajectory, goals, dreams, ideals, beliefs, lifestyle, these are all vital aspects. But it's also ok if someone has more aspects on that list, my "vital" may look vastly different from anyone else's "vital." For instance, I delve into the abstracts as well. I need someone creative in my life, I need someone who understands hardships and doesn't treat them as "just smile more, bro, you'll get over it." I need someone who understands their feelings, who works with and around them instead of trying to deny or control them. And I need someone who's into weird shit, into grim and grotesque shit, because those are a large part of my life, of who I am.

Point is, it's ok to want a relationship and not friendship! It's ok to want specifics! As long as one goes out there with openness and honesty, and treats everyone with the respect all life deserves, without wanting or expecting someone to change for them, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with however one chooses to go about things. All methods require an amount of compromise, one just has to decide what kind of compromise one is willing to make!

But that's just it, openness, honesty and respect are VITAL. Be open to knowing a person on their own terms, just as you would like to be known. Be honest, always, about what you want, how you feel (or don't feel!), and respect everyone's right to define who they want to be without imposing who you'd want them to be - you either accept them as they are and into your life, or you ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE and move on. And then, back to respect - respect their decision around you, as well.